I cried in a coffee shop (the good kind)

It's Natalie here, with a story that just happened and I want to tell you about it.

So, there's a topic that Nathan and I have needed to discuss...

This topic is the straightest, slipperiest slope to:

• core wounds

• uncomfortable feelings

• muscle-memories of moments of disconnection and stress between loved ones

Do you have one of those topics?

Well this one is mine.

It's the issue that can easily send one or both of us into full Survival Mode, so it's not one we dive into readily or casually. But, as so often happens with these kinds of issues, we're also on a timeline, so we can't exactly ignore it either.
 

We tip-toed up to the discussion, because we are not dummies.

• We discussed the fact that we needed to discuss it.

• We discussed how we would discuss it.

• We scheduled a time to both prepare to and actually discuss it.

• We chose a neutral, soothing place to discuss it, with snacks.

• We were intentional about having intimacy and eating food before discussing.

• We made sure there would be no interruptions or distractions while discussing.

These are all things that any of us can do.

But we took it up a notch!

We decided toco-opt one of our existing worksheets and do a protocol that :

• regulated our nervous systems

• offloaded our emotions

• got us into a more Executive State

• before even digging into the topic!
   

Wading into an historically unsafe topic requires an exceedingly safe approach.

I gotta tell you, I was sitting in that coffee shop with Nathan and we were following each step of the worksheet, building layer upon layer the level of security we needed in order to make our logistical plan around this tricky issue, and I started crying. Like,almost-too-much-for-a-coffee-shop kind of crying.

Because, to give you some context, growing up, "little me" didn't get enough support and safety when she needed it most.

And "big me" has been wrestling with this particular issue – incorrectly clinging to the idea that if "I get it right" it will somehow heal all my wounds and make everything better. (I've been trying so painfully hard at that, forso long.) 

But instead, here I was, getting the thing I needed most (help and safety) without having to get this epic issue all tidied up. I wassafein a protocol that would garnermoresafety – enough safety to approach, troubleshoot, andtake actionon my important topic. 

Kinda epic, really.

So we did our worksheets and then shared notes on how each step was for us. (Which turned up the empathy between us even more...)

And then there we were, in the pocket,the magical, powerful team that can get motherf-inganythingdone.

Before we knew it we had the calendar out, marking days and times. Laughing, thinking, conferring. We were making lists and connecting dots. We were on the same page, sharing a vision, and taking aligned steps. 
 

It was maybe one of the most satisfying and healing moments of my life.

After the coffee shop we grabbed BobbyJon and wandered down to the river. The trees are turning amber, the river is icy cold on our feet, and beavers are remodeling a section of our shared river bank.

It's a beautiful world.

And today, after that incredible team-up, I have the most delicious sense that every living particle – from the chipmunks and chickadees, to the sunbeams and sage bushes – is rooting for me.

Thanks for listening to my story and being a witness to this big moment for me.

Instinct, Inspiration, Intuition

Here at the Center for Emotional Education we are focused on (obsessed with?) rewiring brains to develop Emotional Sovereignty, and that means making real sense of the three main brain states:

• Survival

• Emotional

• Executive

In service of that mission, welcome to...
 

Instinct, Inspiration, Intuition!

This is a new series of stories that illustrate how the three brain states work in real life.

Though these stories do not describe any particular person's experience, they are made from bits borrowed from the very real lives of our clients, students, and selves.

Enjoy this partnership edition!

Instinct

My partner enters the room where I am finally tucked in bed with a novel in my hand. It's been a tough few months with not much time for anything more than stress and hustle. I am running on empty.

My partner knows this.

I have a hard time sleeping at the best of times, but lately sleep is particularly elusive and I have to sneak up on it carefully or it flees from me.

My partner also knows this.

And yet here he is, in our bedroom, using an "outside voice" to talk to the dog, to the weather app, and to me. This time about a new discovery in space, and microplastics, and a new album drop. I've tried many times to indicate the coils of barb wire that surround me in the moments before sleep, the invisible "do not enter signs" that I've posted at the perimeter of my lamp light. I use my bookmark pointedly.

And yet here he is.

Talking to me.

I am startled by the impulses that flash before me:
I kill him.
I leave him.
I play dead.

In reality I pretend to listen, proffer my lips for a kiss, and turn off the lamp before I'm ready.

A note: Instinct is driven by the Survival System.
This system is reliably accurate for predicting the ideal reaction for getting us out of immediate danger. It will determine, in a millisecond, if it's best to use Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease. (The character in the story used Appease against the perceived threat of thwarted sleep.). It is not a reliable system for selecting which course of action to take for a rich and nourishing life. It should not be trusted to make marital decisions. Do not "trust your gut" for anything other than life or death.

Inspiration

In the morning I find the note I made for myself before turning off the lamp last night. It says: Does he even know me?

I work with this thesis for days: 
How could he not know me?
What if he doesn't know me? 
How can I be married to him?
Why am I still married to him?
Why did I marry him?

He is whistling in the bathroom, I am chopping fruit (and our marriage) to bits in the kitchen. He makes me coffee, and I make sure I'm neither cold, nor warm to him. I sigh. He doesn't notice. I cut my finger and cry really hard. He brings me a bandaid.

Why do I want to be known?
When have I ever been known?
Who will come to my funeral/birthday party?
Why hasn't anyone ever known me?
Why am I so upset?
Where is this grief from?
What is this longing?

I walk the dog and leave lengthy audio messages for myself. Between clients I page through our wedding album looking for signs that will confirm or refute my theory. I text with friends. I can sway them either way depending on which evidence I share or leave out. 

I now have pages of tear-stained words.

• I am 35 in the grocery store and not recognized by an acquaintance.

• I am 21 and hiding my essay under my bed instead of submitting it to the literary magazine. 

• I am 14 and still waiting for my mom who forgot to pick me up from school.  

• I am 5 and opening a gift – it's a nightgown that is purple, my sister's favorite color.

A note: Inspiration is driven by the Emotional System.
Our feelings inspire us to explore, talk, write, and make sense of our reality. From this state we will find ourselves stirred up, asking questions, discarding solutions, finding resonant facts (overlooking any others), and telling the story of how this experience feels and how it relates to the other times we have felt this way. It can be used as a creative muse, it should not be trusted to tell the whole truth of any partnership, nor to make a major decision about your partnership.

Intuition

Later, on a whim I decide to take myself to Sunday brunch, something I never do, but somehow seems very right. I take a different route, my feet guiding my way on a novel and beautiful path. Something tells me to purchase the Sunday  New York Times.  I do, and open it randomly to the Modern Love column. 

When I return home I make an outline of the story I will submit to the New York Times – using my texts and notes and journal entries, starting with the scene at bedtime and my chatting partner, then on to my young self, my grief, my longing. 

My partner reads it when I've finished. He circles a missing comma, asks me about an editorial choice. We confer on grammar. Even though I arrived at a narrative that is gracious and understanding of both of us, I am aware he may still find offense, or go on the defense, but instead he puts an arm around me and holds me for a beat and thanks me for sharing.

He mentions that he wants to tell me about the zombie white dwarf he just read about, later, but will make sure it's "long before bed". I make a mental note to invite that conversation (I do actually love talking with him) after I submit my essay.

A note: Intuition is driven by the Executive System.
This system is reliably accurate for guiding us to consider the wisest most beneficial perspective, acting from our core values, and mapping an aligned way forward. From this state we can see all the important elements (including our own role), have compassion for ourselves and others, and collaborate for a mutually beneficial goal.

The character in this story worked their way through an instinctual reaction (Survival Mode).
Used the activation as inspiration for a deep personal exploration (Emotional Mode).
Which allowed for important intuition to come through (Executive Mode).
And further utilized that brain state to organize (the essay outline), team up and communicate (sharing and editing together), and collaborate (astronomy talk way before bed).

Thanks for reading this partnership edition of Instinct, Inspiration, Intuition!

Do you recognize yourself in either of the characters?

What insights landed for you about brain states?

What's On Our Worktable?

We're in full straddle mode over here at Gus (did you know we call our home and property Gus?). We have bikinis from river trips tumbled in with fleeces and boots from temperature dips.

Here's what we've got on our various worktables. Write us back and show us what's on yours!

We'll start outside...

There's major garden magic in mid process encircling the house.

Chickens, chickadees, dragonflies. Tomatoes, squash, datura, snapdragons, morning glories...

Nathan is apple harvesting (and grape picking, and mint pinching, and snapdragon propagating…):

We're still tending to the wounded crow, Valentine. His bandage is off and Natalie (Valentine’s PT) gives him twice-daily massage and passive range of motion exercises.

He feels that all food must be dipped in water. Also, crows sleep with one eye open at night to watch out for owls. (The things you learn by obsessively watching a crow sleep, huh?)

On her days off Echo has been using the front porch to work on a clay tile.

We use Gus’s porch, too, for our weekly NeuroMagnetic Manifestation Protocol. Where we work with our brain states to retrain our nervous system to attract our intended outcomes and personal development.

And inside...

Natalie and Echo are teaming up on the next cover of our quarterly reader. (You can subscribe here). Nathan is writing the feature article about state-specific thinking. And the supporting articles and columns are coming together! The theme is "helping others".

Nathan is working on pieces for a grief-related art show.

For pleasure, and in preparation for interviewing Nina Mongendre for the quarterly, Natalie is working through Nina's book: Reclaiming Your Inner Child

We're sourcing luxurious paper invitations in order to invite special individuals to our bespoke tropical Real-Life Magic retreat in Yelapa Mexico in April. Let us know if you want to receive one!

And, of course, we're seeing our beloved clients, and teaching our beloved Emotional Sovereignty School as well. These serve as the nourishing heartbeat of our days.

And today, if we time it just right for the warmest most sunniest hour, we’ll get one more dip in the Clark Fork river before the day is over and Fall comes in to rain on our Summer parade.

What's on your worktable and in your heart?

Why Do I Feel Like This?

Are you feeling some anxiety, or some sadness, or disturbance, and can't quite figure out why this feeling is here, or why it's so strong?

If so, you're not alone!

This is one of the most common questions we get asked:

Why do I feel like this?

And we get it! Before we studied how emotion works, we frequently wondered this too. Here's how we break it down in Emotional Sovereignty School:

First and foremost, every emotion we feel is an aggregate. 

When we teach this in class, we use the image of a multi-layered cake. (This is the exact slide we put up...)

The experience we have of a feeling is built from:

1. Our immediate reaction to a stimulus

2. Our concepts, particularly about emotion

3. Our history

4. The story we tell our self about it

First layer: Something happens around which we have a reaction. (If nothing happens or we don't have any discernible reaction to it, generally no or very low emotional experience occurs.)
Examples of stimulus:

• The kid is gluing bedazzle gems to the wall

• The cat is puking

• The baby just did their first giggle

• The smell of fresh banana bread just came through the open window

• Your partner just made that one sigh (you know the one)

• You're reminded of a loved one who passed

We start with a pretty basic reaction to the stimulus, which includes some level of Arousal (stirred up, not amorous) to Calm, and Pleasantness to Unpleasantness, plus whatever our body is doing (like our heart rate, breathing, etc.). This reaction happens mostly under the radar of our noticing, but sometimes, especially once we know to look for it, we might catch a glimpse of these elements in real time.

Second layer: Our concepts and experiences (especially emotional ones) color our response to that initial reaction.
Examples of concepts related to the examples of stimuli:

• I believe walls should be immaculately adorned, not carelessly crafted

• Cats are nasty

• A baby's first anything should be witnessed and recorded

• My family always made banana bread at Christmas

• That sigh is close to anger, anger is scary

• My person should still be here

All the ideas we’ve been given about how we should feel about particular kinds of stimulus influence our perspective on what feeling would be an appropriate and useful-enough-to-my-current-goals response to the initial reaction to stimulus. These concepts are passed subtly or overtly from our kinfolk, community members, and culture.

Third layer: Our personal history gets involved.
Examples of history that could influence our take:

• My mom spanked me when I wrote my name on the wall

• My aunt's house had so many cats, the family always talked bad about her, no one visited her

• This is the first baby on my mom's side in 35 years, it's such a big deal

• I feel so many feelings at Christmas, but you're supposed to be cheery, so I try not to cry at holiday gatherings

• We were told to stay out of his way when my step-dad was upset, he was a major sigher, too

• I've never lost someone so close/ I keep losing close people

How many times we've experienced something like this, how painful or pleasurable those times were, and how they resolved or not all influence how we relate to our concepts and initial reaction. All the feelings we've felt before but were unable to process and all the ways we’ve been handled during previous moments like these are included in this layer.

Fourth layer: The stories/identities we've created inform our emotional expectations.
Examples of stories made from the concepts and history around the stimulus:

• I am super OCD when it comes to home decor

• I'm more of a dog person

• I'm an uptight parent

• I'm a crier

• I'm a nervous nelly

• I'm not ok without my person

So yeah, it makes perfect sense that you'd be crying on a regular Wednesday because a random neighbor made banana bread!

Or because there are gems glued to your wall
Or because the cat puked
Or the baby laughed
Or the partner sighed
Or you thought of your loved one whom you miss

Given your precise makeup, your particular set of inherited concepts, your personal potent history, and the way you see yourself...

How could you not have the feeling(s) you're having right now?

The good news: you're so normal it's kinda ridiculous.

The even better news: now that you know why you have the exact feelings you have (and not someone else's), we can help you know what to do with them.

We have a whole school dedicated to just this!

Emotional Sovereignty School is for those who want to re-wire their nervous system for greater ease, empowerment, and possibility. Those who want to not only understand how their feelings work but how to work intelligibly with them. And those who are ready to take their healing and growth into their own hands.

We've developed a 3-part, simple to use system that everyone we've ever taught was able to do and has gotten tremendous results from using.

Are you ready for this step?
We're ready for you!

Your Emotional Horoscope for June!

We just received the latest astrological news from the esteemed Astrodienst crew. And here's the nitty gritty:
 

"June brings us a rich, fruitful quality of time with great potential. And Venus is at the center of it all. She meets Jupiter in a promising conjunction before making her grand entrance in Leo, providing a creative background mood. Later in the month, Chiron enters Taurus, Venus’s domicile, for the first time. This raises important questions about possessions, nature and femininity. At the end of June, Jupiter leaves emotional Cancer and begins its journey through the courageous and proud sign of Leo. In this new one-year cycle, it tells inspiring stories about the remarkable power of the heart."

We love knowing what the stars are doing because it helps know what we might expect our neurochemistry to do!
 

So here's our neuroemotional astrological mashup!

♋️ At the beginning of the month when Mercury enters Cancer "communication will have an emotional tone".
 

This means at the beginning of the month we might expect signs of a heightened Emotional Brain state:

• complaints

• exaggerated stories

• active expressions, both facial and verbal

• rhetorical questions

There's a good chance these signs will collect around themes of belonging.

You or your loved ones might initiate conversations with complaints like:

• "You never invite me over."

• "I have no one to invite to my birthday party."

• "Why does everyone have xyz, but not me?"
   

♋️ There's a lucky day on June 9, but watch out!
June 9th has a particularly fortuitous stellar situation, so it's a good time to make a move on meaningful endeavors. But...

Pay attention to your brain state!

Moves made on this day from an Executive state will pan out well, but acting from an  Emotional or Survival state will backfire.
 

Signs you're in an Executive state and ready take advantage of the good fortune of June 9th:

• general sense of wellbeing and optimism

• capacity for details

• ability to hold a broad positive perspective on challenges and on challenging people

• curiosity around how things will go

♌️ Mid-month Venus enters Leo, which might mean some romance! But the stars also predict that historical emotions around devaluation might rise to the surface.

Our systems are built to take advantage of opportunities for historical emotion to get integrated, so if this happens for you, take advantage of it! Treating old emotion tenderly is the way we heal.
 

Recipe for integrating old emotion mid-June:

• Let the stories flow. Don't try to reframe them, or learn from them. Just get them out – on paper, or rant into an audio recording.

• Identify the main feelings inside these old wounds. What are they? Which ones are the most powerful? What feelings are the oldest (and therefore, often, most painful)?

• Important: Take several minutes to give yourself verbal empathy for the feelings (Instead of the stories). Even though it can feel clumsy, say your own name out loud, and let yourself know how normal these feelings are. Express blatant tender understanding for these emotions. Take at least 4 minutes to do this. Don't scrimp on this neuroemotional magic!

• Choose an easy doable action, that shows yourself compassion and love. For example: Make yourself a pot of tea and sit in a beam of sunlight. Write yourself a love letter. Wash your hands with lavender soap.

♉️ June 19 Chiron enters Taurus. Astrodienst tells us: Chiron directs our gaze toward what is wounded and asks for release. The next three months give us a preview of what will occupy us for a good six years from mid-April 2027 onward.
 

Later in the month is an opportunity for trauma informed emotional processing!

The stars are letting us know what might be upsetting or challenging for us. It's much easier to experience expected emotion than to react to unexpected emotion.

How to use what Chiron reveals:

• Pay attention to the issues popping up for you over these 90 days.

• Look behind the issues, can you see the personal subtext?

• What do these external concerns bring up for you as a person?

• What feelings are stirred up?

• How do you plan to meet your future self with tender loving care when these feelings inevitably arise?

And, no matter what the stars are doing, what you are experiencing is specific to you, valid, and deserving of honour, grace, and love.

We're here to help you navigate whatever your personal horoscope or life reveals.

And, Happy Solstice! Keep an eye out for our upcoming Summer sale!

pps. The early bird rate of 50% off Emotional Sovereignty School (right now) is a better deal than next month's sale. You have through June 8 to grab that! 😉

Half-Off Our Acclaimed Emotional Sovereignty School!

We've got some disgruntlement going on.

We're tired of everything that's good for us costing so much. 

The way we see it – self-care is not a luxury, it's a basic human need!
 

So, while nearly everything else is getting more expensive…

We’ve lowered the tuition for Emotional Sovereignty School and we're offering half-off enrollment.

Since we opened the course in 2020 it's been $2500, now it’s $1950, but right now it's $975. 🐦‍⬛

And that’s not all... We’ve added even more support, too.
(Even more than last year!)
 

What is Emotional Sovereignty School?

It’s our signature framework that shows you exactly how to navigate stress, overwhelm, and other intense emotions by understanding your brain, employing a wide range of tools, and working with your nervous system instead of fighting against it.

If you’ve ever wished you could stay calm when life gets chaotic… If you’ve found yourself overwhelmed, reactive, or stuck in old emotional patterns… This is the missing manual.
 

Even therapists take Emotional Sovereignty School – that's how key this information is, and how much it's missing from even specialized education.

In Emotional Sovereignty School, you’ll learn how to:

✔️ Recognize which part of your brain is running the show (and shift it when necessary)
✔️ Regulate your nervous system in real-time – even in tough moments
✔️ Move through emotional upset with kindness and care
✔️ Rewire your brain for healthier emotional responses
✔️ Stay grounded, resilient, and clear – no matter the circumstances
 

And when you join, you get these amazing bonuses:

The Glow Up, The Income Boost, The Sleep Upgrade and the Big Results Little Time guide

And,

brand new this year...
Office Hours with Natalie & Nathan!

You're welcome to join us every month of Sovereignty School as we answer questions that range from the conceptual to the supremely practical.

Pop in live for the camaraderie, or submit your question in advance and watch the recording!

And,

as always...

✨ Partners join for FREE! (Emotional Intelligence Dates, anyone??)

✨ Lifetime access to the material! (Watch or listen or reprint again and again...)

✨ Personal Coaching support during class!

✨ Meaningful journal prompts to accelerate learning!

✨ Quiz questions to track learning!

✨ Cheatsheets, handouts, and printables! (Redecorate your fridge!)
 

And for the earliest birds that are ready now, we offer you:

Half Off Early-Bird Tuition 🐦‍⬛

💛 Enroll by Natalie's Birthday, June 7,  and get HALF OFF your tuition.
That’s just $975 to radically upgrade your emotional life forever.
Discount applied in your cart!

Looking for even more support than this?

Emotional Sovereignty School Plus

•  includes everything above, as well as

• 3 private Coaching sessions with the Coach of your choice.

Emotional Sovereignty School Luxe

• includes all the classic bonuses

• 3 private coaching sessions

• a physical workbook customized for class

• a gift bag with supportive elements for Emotional Sovereignty:

  • velvet clutch

  • flower essence tincture for nervous system support

  • body oil

  • cotton wrap

  • tears hanky

  • heart-shaped eye pillow

  • functional chocolate

  • peach selenite wand

This isn’t just about surviving, it's about thriving.

It’s about loving and owning yourself – so you stay steady, powerful, and present – no matter which way the world turns.

If it's right for you, we'd love nothing more than to have you with us this Fall.

Class meets every week starting August 27th!

---

What students are saying:

I no longer experience panic. - Nathaniel

There is nothing more empowering than becoming
Emotionally Sovereign. - Kate

 I’m not kidding, this learning WILL change your life, all of your relationships - and give you the tools to create more of what you truly desire. - Lauren

It's a game changer. I look at every interaction now through a new, more empowered lens. ~ Carone

We just got back. Want to hear how it went?

We're back from our tropical retreat and landing in northwestern springtime. 

We went from Rufus-billed Chachalacas to red-breasted Robins!

And, we're wondering...

Are you the kind of person that likes to know what something is like, before you jump in?

It makes sense if you are. Nervous systems feel pretty, well... nervous around uncertainty!

So here's the deal. You didn't get to come on retreat with us. But we'll tell you exactly what it was like.

That way you can:

• find out what the heck a neuroscience-based manifestation retreat is actually like

• live vicariously

• determine for yourself if this is the kind of just-right adventure for you

Ready?

The number one question we get asked is:
 

How many people were on retreat?

There were ten of us this time.

We like to curate a bespoke experience and a more intimate group size means that each person gets tended in just the right way for them. Having a group around this size means everyone gets to receive Reiki, Watsu, or massage if they like, everyone gets to share their insights, and everyone gets the support they deserve.

[Imagine a group photo here. Ten of us grinning our faces off with ocean waves lapping behind us. You'll have to imagine it because to preserve the emotional safety of all we do not share any photos without permission, and we do not take any photos during the workshops.]
 

Where was it?

In Yelapa, Mexico!

A tiny indigenous-held village only accessible by boat.

Tucked into a little cove inside the Bay of Banderas.

We land in Puerto Vallarta and then take a private boat down the coastline. Tourists, hotels, and cars drop away as the protected indigenous land begins.

We are welcomed with fresh juice, a frozen cloth to cool our brow, and absolutely stunning views.
 

Are there bugs?

Sure. It's the jungle after all. And, we always pick our retreat dates to coincide with the dry season so that mosquitoes are minimal. 

There are also geckos, and iguanas, and hummingbirds, and bats, and the dulcet car-crash-sounding Chachalacas, among other wildlife.

Some of us select open-air rooms so that we can hear the ocean while we sleep. We slip onto our organic mattresses and tuck the mosquito netting in around us so that the Praying Mantis blessing us with it's presence respects our sleeping space. :)

Others prefer a fully-enclosed room with air-conditioning.

It's important to pick the just-right-room for you – a powerful act of self-love.

What do you do there?

Let's just give you the full itinerary, shall we?

7am 

Keep sleeping! Or take a morning dip in the cove, the oceanwater pool, or the hot tub.

(This is a great time to get some extra attention from Natalie and/or Nathan – workshopping a piece of your personal internal landscape.)

8am

Mosey over to the juice bar for fresh green juice (apples, celery, spinach, and ginger), and a fruit platter (with mangos, blueberries, papaya, etc.).

This juice bar is open all day. So anytime you want a cacao smoothie, a latte, or other healthy snacks – you got it!

8:45am

Breakfast!

Moving upward through the retreat center to the tippy top, we gather around the table to enjoy incredible 270-degree views and an organic meal prepared by Yelapa matriarchs Lupita and Becky.

We pass the feelings chart around to name some emotions while enjoying agua fresca, handmade tortillas, and other morning delights.

10am

Workshop!

We start by getting comfortable in the meeting space.

Then Nathan leads a guided journey.

Then we discuss the topic of the day with prompts, journal writing, and sharing.

The content is focused on helping our selves shift into a brain state that supports both reaching our goals, but also enjoying ourselves along the way.

1pm

Lunch!

All that personal development works up an appetite!

Luckily while we've been exploring our own internal landscape the chefs have been laying out a gorgeous spread. Once again we name some feelings, we laugh, and we fill our bellies.

2pm

3 hours of free time.

We consider the in-between times just as important as the focused-time. If we want our system to integrate new ways of reacting, being, and thinking, we have to make it safe to lay down those new neural pathways.

A good stretch of time to self-nourish each day is key.

Some folks nap, others get a spa treatment, some explore town, others snorkel.

5pm

Facilitated manifestation process!

We walk you step-by-step through our neuroscience-backed manifestation method. We retrain the nervous system to associate your personal vision with safety, optimism, and probability. 

It's actual magic.

Real-life magic.

6pm

Integration and Practice at Receiving.

The work for the day is done.

Now is the time to lean into the Earth, lean into support, and trust that the magic is unfolding.

We move to the epic yoga deck for a Restorative Yoga pose selected for its manifestational support. 

7pm

Another delicious, homemade, vegetable-rich meal to languidly enjoy, along with some discussion of the day's insights and naming more feelings.

We finish this meal with a nervous system regulation and connection practice to cap off the work of the day, and layer in more integration support.

When the sun goes down...

It's time for sweet sleep.

Or a nighttime swim under the stars.

Does it make a big impact?

Yes.

You will not be the same after retreat.

• Your self-knowing, self-love, and self-nourishment is at an all-time high.
   

• Your sense of not just possibility, but probability is unshakeable.
   

• Your nervous system begins it's re-wiring, and continues to re-wire even after you return home.
   

• Your dreams begin to unfold before your very eyes.

When is the next one?

REAL-LIFE MAGIC

Neuroscience-based Manifestation Retreat
April 18 - 24, 2027

Where Law of Attraction meets Emotional Sovereignty.

There are ten spots available.

(Placing a deposit saves your spot.)

We truly had the best time.

The next retreat will be our sixth one and honestly they just keep getting better and better.

We hope you enjoyed this report from the field.


And if it's right for you, we'll see you next April!

What's Your Amygdala's Problem?

We pre-wrote this letter to land today because right now, right this very minute we are drinking fresh-squeezed juice and swirling our footsies in the oceanwater pool at Pura Vida.

It's day 3 of our NeuroMagnetic Besties Retreat in Yelapa Mexico and today we're coaxing our nervous systems to allow our wildest dreams to unfold instead of working against them.
 

Why in the world would one's nervous system fight against getting the good things in life?

Well let's check it out.

What do you want?

Go ahead, shout it out to the screen. 
More cash?
More time?
More fun?
Big love?
Deeper intimacy?
A promotion?
To write a book?

What do you want?
(Literally say it out loud.)
 

Now here's why you don't already have it —
your two amygdala have determined that this thing could be threatening to you in some way.

What?! Whyyyyyy?
How could more cash be a problem?
Why would more time be a bad thing?

Don't ask us! Ask you!

You could play Worst-Case Scenario...

What bad outcomes might arise if you get what you want? 

Here's an example:
If I have more cash, the worst case scenario is that...
I'll spend it
And worst case for that is...
I'll buy stuff I don't need
And worst case for that is...
I'll have to deal with all this extra stuff
And worst case for that is...
I won't deal with it
And worst case for that is...
My house will look like a hoarder's
And worst case for that is...
I will be embarrassed to have anyone over
And worst case for that is...
I'll stop having people over
And worst case for that is...
I'll be alone a lot
And worst case for that is...
My mental health will decline
And worst case for that is...
I won't be able to work as much
And worst case for that is...
I'll lose my job
And worst case for that is...
Then I can't pay for my expenses
And worst case for that is...
I lose my house
And worst case for that is...
I have no friends because I stopped having them over, so I'll just be out on the street alone

It might take you a few painful minutes to play this "fun game", but your amygdala clocked it in a millisecond:
more cash = potential misery

But of course that's not actually true. More cash could be fantastic! But just to stay on the safe side, your nervous system will go ahead and send you into Survival Mode any time the subject comes up. That way nothing bad will happen to you...

And Survival Mode is only good at keeping us alive, not at helping us get what we want!

That's why today on our gorgeous retreat we're re-training our brains to untoggle our dreams from Survival Mode.

And we thought you might like to join us with an easy next step.

Ready?

Step 1: Go ahead and claim your desire one more time out loud. 
(It's okay if your heart rate goes up or your armpits get sweaty)

Step 2: Now "talk" to your amygdala.

• Amygdalae don't speak in words – so stop talking to them!

• Instead use your senses. If you can use all 5 senses to describe your current world, your amygdala will chill out and stop sounding the alarm.

  • Name (out loud) 5 things you can see that are orange

  • Name 4 things you can touch that are fuzzy

  • Name 3 things you can hear that are lovely

  • Name 2 things you can smell that are sweet

  • Name 1 thing you can taste that is yummy

• If necessary, repeat.

Step 3: Enjoy the de-activation. 

Congratulations!
 

You took the first step to retrain your brain to stop fighting against what you want!

We can retrain our brains for anything with a little support!

Keep practicing engaging your five senses every time you think of the thing you want, and we'll check in with you to see how it's going when we get back!


Sending you power and presence from Yelapa!

ps. Want to go on retreat from the comfort of your own home?  Email us at love@centerforemotionaleducation.com and we'll put you on the waitlist for our deluxe home retreat package – it includes everything but Mexico!

How to Unlock *Anybody*

We were at the drug store the other day (pimple patches and gift cards for you curious types), and while swiping the credit card I (Natalie) noticed the cashier (a mustachioed man in his 30s) had a green toy-like plastic thing nearby.

I casually asked: What's that transformer-looking thing?

He proceeded to tell me it was indeed a transformer – a "less important" character from the transformer universe. I expressed interest and enthusiasm, and asked a follow up question.

He divulged more.

I again showed empathy and further curiosity.

What unfolded was a delightful connective exchange. 

On the way out the door, our daughter said: "Mom, I've been trying to unlock that guy for forever, and you did it in two questions!".

Curiosity coupled with empathy is a powerful thing.


Whether you want to:

• increase the intimacy in your relationship,

• bulk up your own emotional intelligence,

• transform a foe into a friend,

• or simply eliminate banal small talk altogether...

Curiosity coupled with empathy is the key.

Curiosity turns an ordinary exchange into a fascinating one.

An empathetic response turns it into meaningful connection.


In an ideal scenario, I would have had more time and could have asked this transformer man some more empathetic questions. Soon we'd be into his dreams and goals, his love life, and likely his very-relatable trauma. I am positive this man would reveal himself to be a fascinating person.

Everyone is fascinating and relatable under the empathetic curiosity lens!

Most of us want (crave/long/yearn) to be heard, understood, and seen for the fascinating creatures we truly are, but sadly very few people are courageous enough to ask the powerful, non-judgmental questions. and listen empathetically to the response.


Are you brave enough?

Let's find out...

Borrow from our years of connective conversing with clients and students across the globe.

Select a few of these powerful questions:

• Is it okay if I ask you some more about that?

• What led up to that?

• Is this new for you?

• How is that for you?

• What makes this different?

• When did that happen?

• What do you make of that?

• Since when?

• What was that like?
  

Memorize them, and have them ready for when you want to:

• start a friendship

• help someone offload

• deepen the connection

Be sure to pepper in empathy at every turn.

This is how we draw someone out instead of pushing them away.

Here are some empathetic phrases to memorize and utilize:

• Is it okay if I ask you some more about that?

• What led up to that?

• Is this new for you?

• How is that for you?

• What makes this different?

• When did that happen?

• What do you make of that?

• Since when?

• What was that like?

Memorize them, and have them ready for when you want to:

• start a friendship

• help someone offload

• deepen the connection

Be sure to pepper in empathy at every turn.

This is how we draw someone out instead of pushing them away.

Here are some empathetic phrases to memorize and utilize:

• I totally get that

• That makes so much sense

• Of course! Who wouldn’t?

• I really relate to that

• Oh man, that sounds tough/fun/smart/ideal/etc.

• I hear what you’re saying

• I’d feel that same way

• I understand. Same for me.

• [Empathetic facial expressions]

By the by...
 

"Drawing a blank" is real!

It's super normal to find moments like these a little intimidating. When we get activated by the situation, or by the replies, sometimes our thinking brain checks out and we can't remember any questions or empathetic phrases.

If we can manage to stay in touch with our bodies, though, we tend to be able to better maintain our empathetic curiosity. So while you're listening to your person's answers, stay tuned into your literal corporeal self.

• What are your toes doing?

• Are you breathing?

• Wiggle your fingers.

• Lower your shoulders.

• Pet your elbow.

You got this!

Turn ordinary human relations into extraordinary human connection.

You and your people deserve the oxytocin!

---

ps. Want someone to ask you some powerful and empathetic questions?
(Who doesn't?)
We have the perfect coach for you. 

Is it Okay to *Want*?

We're coming in hot today with a radical position:

It's okay to want things.

Wanting is a human drive. 

It's okay to pee, right? (That's another human drive.)

In fact, not only is it okay to want...
 

It's normal to want.

In all the 20 years we've been supporting people to rewire their brains to finally enjoy the lives they've worked so hard to create, the number one reason an individual finally schedules the consultation that changes their life is that they want something.
 

These are the wants we've heard in consultations over the last few weeks:

• less anxiety

• less stress

• more time

• to be more observant/present

• more calm

• more intimacy

• more friends

• to sound confident

• a child

• to be able to ask for help

• a partner

• more fun

• to be able to relax

• to be my true self

• to be my own boss

• more freedom in my day

And of course:

• more financial security

• more abundance

• more flow in my income

Which are all roundabout ways to refer to money. (Because wanting straight-up cashola is almost impossible for most people to claim.)
 

Wanting can bring huge discomfort.

Wanting is essentially all about discomfort!

It's identifying that you don't have "something" and that the not-having of that "something" is no longer good enough.

And then cue the Emotional Brain chatter... 

Am I being:

• selfish?

• naive?

• greedy?

• mean?

Shouldn't I just be:

• thankful for what I have?

• able to enjoy myself no matter what?

• a bigger person?

In truth, no matter what life we already have, we're going to keep wanting. Just like we're going to keep doing other human-based activities, like peeing.

Feelings derive wants. Then even just wanting derives more feelings.
 

We could loop forever, instead of getting and enjoying the thing – whatever our something may be.

Why???

Because, brains.

As far as the brain is concerned:

• The number one operational priority is to stay alive.
  If you haven't already enjoyed the thing you want and proved you can stay alive, then your own brain will root against you getting that thing. For the Survival Brain state, anything new (meaning anything you don't already have) is threatening.

• The second operational priority is to flush out and support feelings.
  If you haven't already enjoyed the thing you want and integrated all the feelings you have about it, then your brain will try to slow down your access to the thing so you can feel what it means first.

• The last priority is to create or move into novel experience.
  And this will not happen until Priority #1 and #2 are taken care of.

This is how we can clearly identify a desire and still not get around to fulfilling and enjoying that desire. (No wonder we think wanting is a problem!)
 

So what's the solution?

Best solution: Retrain your brain to see your desire as non-threatening, and support the key feelings that are glommed onto that desire. (That's what our work is all about!)

But let's start with something easy.

Most-Doable-First-Step Solution: Stop allowing as much of what you don't want, in order to make room for what you do want.

(We recommend our Better at Boundaries Mini-Course to help get this particular party started. It's:
– Affordable
– Quick, and
– Easy!) 


In any case, we're cheering for you, and we want you to have what you want!

You're not just normal, you're phenomenal.

What's Your Problem?

(And really, we mean that in the most loving way.)

Because here's the thing: 

Knowing your problem can be a super efficient route to literally whatever it is you want in life – more money, greater harmony, better work-life balance, true love... the list goes on.

Why?
 

Because your brain is effing brilliant.

It has an entire system in place for initiating the experience of emotion, and then finding good cause for expressing those feelings.

There's a powerful drive to process and integrate the emotional content of our lives, which allows us to shift into the gear of making good stuff happen, and then enjoying that good stuff. 

Most of us have some key emotions that are preoccupying our system at any given time and needing to be integrated. So our brain helps us by finding scenarios that are a perfect match for these key feelings, giving us the motivation and opportunity to process them.

Just watch.

(Natalie taking the mic here)

Here are two things that happened to me this week that I complained about:

1. I was taking good care of the chickens, being a good householder, trying hard, being conscientious and loving, but the design of the chicken coop is bad, so my hand got injured really badly.
Poor me. Stupid coop designers.

2. I was hustling to my tight connecting flight a couple days ago. I did everything right, didn't dally, didn't even pee, just went straight to the gate, but when I arrived I was told they had closed the boarding early (who does that??) and I missed my flight.
Poor me. Stupid airline.

Both of these complaints follow the same theme for me: "I was doing everything right, and then something bad happened to me."
 

99.9% of a person's complaints fall into one or two common themes particular to them.

Why is that?

We will almost exclusively find experiences that match our common theme in order to get in touch with and process the particular feelings associated with that theme.

The current feelings my particular nervous system is trying to integrate are grief (Poor me.) and anger (Stupid airline.).
 

But our common theme is usually the opposite of what we want to happen.

If we want something other than our common theme to occur, then we want to keenly, thoroughly, and consistently support the feelings associated with the theme.

If we don't support the feelings, our nervous system will just have to keep finding/creating experiences that activate the feelings, instead of creating experiences that match different, more welcome emotions.

• When we find our most common complaints – we find our key emotions.

• When we find and support our key emotions – we don't have to keep re-experiencing the common complaints.

BONUSES:

• When we find our common complaint, we no longer have to track and fix all our complaints.

• Instead we can find the feelings inside the common theme and process those feelings.

• Then what we encounter in the world changes.

How to find your common complaint(s):

– Look over the last week
– What did you complain about? (Alternatively, you could ask your partner or bestie what you complained about last week, too.)
– Can you find at least 3 complaints?
– What theme do they have in common?

Here are some themes our clients have found:

– Someone didn't do their job and now I have to deal with it
– If I'm not hyper-vigilant, something bad will happen
– I need help, and no help is coming
– I don't belong to anybody
– There's no room for me
– I'm not considered and valued

The Law of Functional Priority dictates that action, creation, and manifestation (all Executive functions...) take a back seat to emotional processing. So until the emotions are dealt with, we'll most likely keep looping in the same old plot lines..

So, what's your problem (common complaint)?
What feelings are hiding in there?

We're here to sleuth it out with you! Let us know what you find.

---

Find and resolve your common complaint in tropical paradise!

There are still some spots left in our NeuroMagnetic Besties Retreat!

It can be hard to crack the code of one's nervous system alone. Let's workshop your common complaints, key emotions, and other roadblocks together.

April 19 - 25
Pura Vida Wellness Center

Right now, your brain is in one of three states

One thing is for certain...

You have a brain.

And right now, at this very moment, your brain is in one of 3 states:

We can only process from one brain state at a time.
 

So which one is it for you, at the moment?

If you've got a little...
"F* you!"                                
or.                       
"F* this!"

Good chance it's a Survival State.

No, there's not a swarm of zombies literally coming to ruin your life, but try telling that to your nervous system! When we're in this state it seems like there are zombies, or worse, at every turn, and it's time to armor up.

Survival Brain is no fun at all... 

Quick tip for soothing yourself in a Survival Brain State:

Do something for your body.

• Drink a jug of water

• Go pee

• Stretch

• Take a breath

Slowly tending the body tells the brain you're not in danger.

If (after that or instead) you're feeling a little like Eeyore... 

Or, like... no matter the actual weather, everything feels a little rainy.

Or, like... you're not getting anywhere, and there's too much to do, and everything is piling up, and when will it ever stop?...

That's likely an Emotional Brain State.

In this state the glass seems decidedly half-full, and probably never going to get filled up ever again... In fact, if someone were to ask you for a list, you'd have one a mile-long – a well of woes both little and small.

And you probably stubbed your toe, or spilled your coffee, to boot.

Emotional Brain can be pretty rough.

Quick tip for supporting yourself in an Emotional Brain State:

Get it out girl.

• Vent to your journal, your bestie, yourself. Don't edit.

• Cry. Mourn that stubbed toe and all the other woes – even if you're fortunate and grateful in general.

• Name how you feel. (Say the actual words for the actual emotions.) And love yourself in the midst of it.

Saying the words, naming the emotions, and giving yourself empathy helps the brain understand that what's happening to you is a feeling, not a tiger.

If you're having a "good hair day".  
Or particularly funny and charming.

And the world just seems a little brighter...

That's likely an Executive Brain State.

In this state, things are looking up. There may still be some obstacles, but in an Executive State they are seen as "challenges" instead of blocks! It's almost effortless to not only see possible solutions but to also collaborate with others toward longterm, big-picture goals. 

Executive Brain is pretty rad.
 

Quick tip for facilitating yourself in an Executive Brain State!

Get going.

• Grab that pencil and sketch out the plan.

• Send that email that rallies the team.

• Gaze toward the furthest horizon, then take the first step.

When we're fully Executive, it's a good time to take action, or to make plans so action-taking easier in the future.

Each time we meet ourselves where we are – brain-state wise – we give our brains the pulse of neurochemistry specifically designed for help and healing.

It's not rocket science, it's brain science. And anyone can  learn to do it.

---

Opportunity not to miss!

There are still some spots left in our NeuroMagnetic Besties Retreat!

Your chance to do some potent nervous system realignment and manifestation work!

April 19 - 25
Pura Vida Wellness Center
Yelapa, Mexico

The Nervous System Side of Manifestation

We have something we're especially interested in right now that we'd love to share with you.

It's a new application of our brain states work, and it sits at the intersection of neuroscience, nervous system regulation, and the practice of manifestation.

We call it the NeuroMagnetic Manifestation Method. 

We started on this path because – despite being capable, driven, and deeply committed to our goals and our mission – we kept finding ourselves bumping up against blocks that mindset, strategy, and more effort couldn’t move.

And what finally changed things wasn’t trying harder. It was learning how to marry manifestational practices with our modality.
 

So please allow us to introduce:

This isn’t another shiny tool — it’s the operating system underneath the tools you already trust.

What happens inside this workshop:

√  You learn how your nervous system determines what feels safe, possible, and reachable – often before you’re consciously aware of it.

√  You experience what clarity, magnetism, and receiving feel like when your Executive Brain is online.

√  You’re guided through the NeuroMagnetic Manifestation Method (GIFTS), a state-based process for working with desire without force, urgency, or bypassing.

This space is for you if:

• You’ve invested deeply in wellness, mindset, and embodiment, and you sense there’s a more foundational layer underneath it all

• You value elegance, discretion, and results over spectacle or hype

• You’re less interested in manifesting more and more interested in manifesting smarter

Doors are open. We can't wait for you to have this piece of the puzzle! (Let us know what you think of it... 😉)

If you’re feeling the call...

We're feeling many different feelings as we trip down memory lane.

We realize that some of you have been with us since the blog days back in the early 2000s!

Some of you met Natalie,  during the Mother course with Carrie Anne – maybe during our inaugural debut in 2015?

Some of you met Nathan at Thrive Academy – back when the gatherings were in-person – and/or the Shamanic Academy –whether at Beauty Way Ranch or some other gorgeous location.

And some of you know us from the first round of Emotional Sovereignty School in 2020, or the last round of Emotional Sovereignty School just last summer!

And some of you we met just yesterday.

For 20 years...

We been teaching about brain states:

• Survival

• Emotional

• Executive

And working with them to:

1. Regulate the nervous system

2. Process emotion

3. Empower aligned action

When any single person has this know-how they are helping the world to be a safer, kinder, more connective and just place.

Solving the world’s biggest problems – like prejudice, xenophobia, inequality, climate crisis, famine, and the like — becomes not only possible, but plausible when there is:

• an awareness of the emotional landscape

• the tools to shift brain chemistry in the moment

• the tenacity to keep going until there is brain change and cultural change

We are investing in the ripple effect of neuroemotionally-leveraged individuals turning the tides of the world.
 

The next best opportunity to join us in this world-changing work is NeuroEmotional Coach Training

Starting this Thursday, February 5th.

If you're feeling the call – trust it.


And in any case, whenever and wherever it was that we met, we're so glad you're here.

Have questions? We're at the ready.
Just email and love@centerforemotionaleducation.com and we'll get you sorted.

Not Everyone Runs Toward the Fire. For Those Wired to Help in Quieter Ways...

How're you doing?

We're feeling lots of things about lots of things — we know you know what we mean.

And it has us thinking...

When things go wrong there are blessed souls that thrive on the frontlines.
- firefighters
- paramedics
- police officers
- critical aid volunteers
- protesters

They show up when the battle is in full tilt.
They wade in.
They get right down in it.

Incredible.

And there is another batch of special folks that assemble their "gear" off the field. 
- social workers
- therapists
- counselors
- healers

They stick around long after the battle.
They nourish and soothe.
They stay steadfast and loving.

Amazing.


And it's okay to not be great at, or even want to try, one of the particular zones.

Truly. We don't have to be good at everything.

But these days it's essential to jump in somewhere.

People need you. 

It's time to rise to full potential and get in there where it matters most.
 

We're gathering on February 5th to do our part in shoring up humanity.

Our strength is in: 
- helping to metabolize the trauma
- making sure the "bad" stays on the field and doesn't shape the rest of one's life
- stocking the tool kit so that there's round-the-clock healing, not just in session

And importantly, and distinctively...

We help to rewire the brain to prevent further generational trauma.

Protecting kith and kin not even born yet.


Have you been hearing the call but not knowing where to start?
 

NeuroEmotional Coach Training starts February 5th.

Here's your chance to do something.

To read testimonials and find more information on class dates and our scholarship application, click the button below.

Are you wanting to know how to recover from your own traumatic experiences, in addition to helping others?  We got you.
This course is perfect for both.

Starts in 2 weeks: NeuroEmotional Coach Training

If you can believe it... you can become a NeuroEmotional Coach by summer.

Our live, community-rich course gives you a thorough, in-depth education all in just 60 hours.

You’re only 60 hours away from a first level certification in NeuroEmotional Coaching - a professional at supporting your own Emotional Sovereignty and empowering others to develop their own Emotional Sovereignty.

It’s more than just a catchy name - it's neuroscience.

You’ll dive into the alchemy of the nervous system and learn to navigate the mind-body-feelings continuum. This course is a powerful blend of knowledge and application, for immediate impact.

This opens doors to:

• coaching roles

• consulting positions

• enhancing or starting your own private practice

Crafted by real experts who've been working in this field for almost 2 decades and training successful coaches with this specific training for 6 years.

Our modality is designed to help clients identify and shift deep-rooted emotional patterns at a neurological level. You’re getting knowledge that is tested, refined, and ready for real-world impact.

Including:

• weekly live calls

• monthly practice sessions

• lifetime access to all materials

This is a beautiful chance to invest in your future without stretching the bank.
We have no-penalty payment plans and scholarship opportunities.

If this sounds right up your alley, don’t wait.
NeuroEmotional Coach Training starts February 5th


p.s. 
- Testimonials
- Class dates
- Scholarship applicationBook
Can be found here.
 

p.p.s. If you want to talk in person to see if  NeuroEmotional Coaching is the right fit for you — let's chat.

Emotional support pet peeves

Today we're a little fired-up, ruminating on our biggest pet peeves when it comes to emotional support. Whether it's a friend, neighbor, colleague, therapist, or counselor – sometimes their well-meaning effort to help us lands as not helpful!

Have you experienced any of these?

My Support Person has an Agenda

Pet Peeve #1

We're sharing our woes, giving all the details about why whatever-it-is is bothering us, and then our support person chimes in with a question or a suggestion that indicates that they want us to do a particular thing.

Familiar with this?

One time, (Natalie here), my therapist interrupted me to ask if I had found time to work on my book. I was a little confused, because my current troubles were wholly non-book related. When I said no I wasn't working on my book, she said: "You've just got to write that book, it's so important for you to do that for yourself."

#1. I don't need reminding of what my own goals are thankyouverymuch.
#2. Do you mean to say you weren't even listening to what's important to me right now?
#3. If I complain about anything in my life you're just going to give me a list of what I should be doing?
#4. See ya.

My Support Person Acts Like I Only Have a Body

Pet Peeve #2

You're talking about your struggles and challenges with your kid/work/car/dog/partner and your support person recommends tending your body for your anxiety/rage/overwhelm/grief.

Do you know this one?

This kind of "support" seems to imply that if your skin is supple enough, your muscles are relaxed enough, your lungs full enough, and/or your lymph nodes drained enough... then you will not feel those pesky uncomfortable feelings ever again.

Dude, we love a body practice.

Body-based regulation is part of our modality.

We're stretching and walking and breathing like the best breathers and walkers out there!

But that's just not the whole story. In fact it leaves out the other two key brain states!

Even a person with a stoked body still has feelings about the kid/work/car/dog/partner, and still may want to do something about it.

My Support Person Gives Me Cognitive Mumbo Jumbo

Pet Peeve #3

You pour your heart out, revealing pains and truths that aren't easy to share, and your support person says some really smart-sounding, beautiful words, and it seems like maybe you've been offered an answer. But later, when you're back in the thick of it, you're like, what was I supposed to do?

Been there?

Maybe during your time together your support person reminds you to:

• get to a neutral place about it

• be more contained

• focus on what’s working

• open your heart chakra

• embody your animal totem

• be grateful

• think positively

• reframe your perspective

But later,

• you're in a random parking lot

• with sweaty armpits and rage and grief crashing through your body

• and you need to come down from your jacked-up state

• and get yourself back home where there are people that need you to listen/design/direct/cook/troubleshoot,

• and you only have 15 minutes to make this happen

And the words of wisdom from your supporter are not helping.

If you’ve ever walked away from a support conversation thinking, “Well… that didn’t help at all!” you’re not alone. Most people were never taught how to truly support another nervous system — or their own.
 

After nearly two decades of refining NeuroEmotional Coaching, we’ve learned this:

Effective support isn’t mystical nor mechanical.
It’s neuroemotional.

It’s knowing:

• whose agenda is guiding the moment,

• which brain state is actually online,

• what specific kind of support will shift the system,

• and how to bring someone home to themselves with clarity, dignity, and agency.

When we can do that, everything changes — our relationships, our work, our leadership, our capacity.
 

And if you want to deepen that skill set — for yourself, your clients, or your community — we’d love to show you what’s possible.

P.S. If you'd love to know more about NeuroEmotional Coaching — let's chat.

Two Brains, One Relationship

The Lowdown on the Couple's Brain

If we learn simple, practical ways to work with brain states – ours and our partner's – we can substantially increase our chances of successful interactions with each other.

Because here’s the deal:

In a couple we're never trying to make things worse.

Every human brain is designed to move fluidly between brain states depending on the moment-to-moment needs of their current environment. But when one partner is in "droopy mode" or "F-this mode", and the other partner attempts to talk to them like they're in "hey-lover-let's-solve-this problem mode", that's talking Executive Brain to Survival and Emotional Brain, and things go downhill fast.
 

Talking Executive Brain to Survival and Emotional Brain is the root cause of 99% of partnership conflict.

Misreading brain states is why conversations about chores, car repairs, weekend plans, money, intimacy, and even what to make for dinner, can feel strained and divisive.

Brain States in a Couple

All humans experience three primary brain states:

Survival State
⭐️ Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease reactions.
A partner in this state might:
- Shout: "We have to talk about this!" (Fight)
- Say: "Maybe we should just get a divorce." (Flight)
- Murmur: "I don't want to talk about it." (Freeze)
- Plead: "Just tell me what's wrong!" (Appease)

Emotional State
⭐️ When upset, there can be a drive for emotional connection often cloaked in complaining and supposed solution-seeking.
A partner in this state might:
- Have a wrinkled brow or down-turned mouth, coupled with loud sighs.
- Talk about the long list of things that need to be done.
- Reveal a stored inventory of past slights, insults, and injustices.
- Describe you, your life, your house, your income, your parenting, unfairly.
- Complain about a thing and then refuse help about that thing.
- Make sweeping adjustments or big moves to “feel better” - like sign you or the family up for things without asking.

Our partner isn't very partner-y from a Survival or (uncomfortable) Emotional Brain State.

We, and they, have to get back to an Executive State for doing partnership stuff.

Real problems arise when we attempt to address actions, thoughts, and words, instead of the brain states that fuel those actions, thoughts and words.

When our partner says: 
”Maybe we should just get a divorce. " 

Instead of clocking Survival Brain and supporting our partner to move out of it before we go further, we often go full blast into Survival Mode ourself and escalate.

We:
– Take the bait! And fly into a rage at this chicken-shit idea.
– Run away sobbing.
– Go numb and can't think of what to say.
– Beg them not to think that way.

But Survival Brain hates another person in Survival Brain so things don't get better.

When our partner says:
"I'm doing everything. Literally everything, while you do nothing. You're always doing whatever you want, whenever you want. It's not fair."

Instead of spotting Emotional Brain and supporting our partner's feelings before going further, we often make matters worse.

We:
– Defend! ("I didn't do anything for myself all day! And I just washed the dishes!")
– Argue! ("I'm not a mind reader, if you need help I'm happy to do it, just ask me.")
– Fix! ("I'm free right now! What do you need?")
– Logic! ("We need to just sit down and make a chart of everything that needs to get done and just divide it up.")

But Emotional Brain despises responses that skip empathy, understanding, and curiosity, so our partner gets even more upset.

Addressing behavior before addressing brain states is a lost cause.

Survival Brain (even if it’s the sickly-sweet Appease version) will always be an asshole, because it’s not about relating, it’s about protecting.
Emotional Brain (especially the upset version) will always be exaggerated and complaint-oriented, because it’s not about fixing, it’s about feeling together.

But when we support brain states, we automatically, naturally click into our ability for stellar partnership.

Executive State
⭐️ The brain’s high-performance system that exhibits all the faculties of good partnership: clear thinking, empathy, flexibility, creativity, cooperation, humor, learning, memory, etc…

A partner in this state might:
- Make a perfectly timed joke that shows their deep understanding of who you are as a person.
- Playfully flirt or tease after reading the room.
- Be interested in your day, including the details.
- Most closely resemble the person you fell in love with in all the best ways.
- Be able to share what's really true for them.
- Be able to brainstorm reasonable solutions to x, y, z.

The most realistic goal of healthy partnership...

Is not to stay in Executive Brain - that's not possible, and more harm than good is done when we try for that.

It's really to get super good at supporting ourselves and our partner to get out of Survival Brain, process through Emotional Brain, and back to Executive Brain before trying to partner up about stuff!

We call this Speaking Brain and it's essential to a good partnership.

Learn the Speaking Brain Dance:
A — Assess
Notice which brain is currently “driving.” Look at body language, pace, tone, thinking style, intensity, or signs of shut-down.

R — Regulate
We regulate our nervous system. Consciously slowing down our exhales, getting a long drink of water, moving slower — this literally tells both our own and our partner's nervous system, “This is not a Survival moment. It also helps us perform the next step better…

T — Talk (to the brain that’s driving):
Speak the language of the brain state at the wheel right now. 

• Slow, non-verbal cues of safety for Survival

  • Then wait for a softening which signals Emotional Brain

• Empathetic, understanding, curious cues for Emotional

  • Then wait for a lightening and energizing which signals Executive Brain

• Collaborate, brainstorm, team up with Executive Brain

The Good News for Partners

A relationship can change dramatically even if just one of the partners studies the dance steps. 

Just like when one of you starts eating more veggies the other one inevitably starts eating more veggies – not because they read the NYT article about a diverse diet, but because you started having more veggies around! The language of the partnership will change because you start introducing a new language.

This is what we teach.

How to use brain systems and state-specific support to turn everyday life - including conflict - into fertile ground for connection, communication, and deeper intimacy.

It’s not about changing our partners!

It’s about supporting our brains so we can each be the partners we want to be.

Want to become a pro at this?
Our NeuroEmotional Coach Training is a comprehensive road map. Spend five science-and-connection-soaked months with us and come out an expert on supporting yourselves and others to work with the flow of neurochemistry. (The next term starts February 5th.)

We aren’t just partners in the Emotional Revolution, we're life partners! And we know firsthand what it's like to want connection but be stuck in disconnection. We're cheering you on from just a few steps down the partnership trail!

P.S. If you'd love more of this in conversation form — and want to see how it works in real parent/teen situations — let's chat.

👉 Your Brain Isn’t Losing It. Estrogen Just Left the Building.

The Lowdown on the Perimenopausal Brain

Perimenopause is the transition period between our reproductive years and non-reproductive years (menopause), when estrogen and progesterone production fluctuate wildly on the way to what will eventually be their lowest levels.

Some call it Cougar Puberty(!) — because of how it echoes the hormonal fluctuations of the early teen years when estrogen and progesterone production was ramping up instead of down.

In general, this time in our lives gets a seriously bad wrap due to lack of information, embarrassingly low levels of research, and a PR machine that wants to sell products for "horrendous" "catastrophes" like "menobelly".

But here at the Center, we believe that if we all learn practical, compassionate ways to work with brain states during the critical era of perimenopause, we can radically smooth our hormonal transition, set ourselves up for greater connection and success in this chapter (and beyond), and live into a reclaimed truer identity of power and wisdom. (Hello, wise matriarch!)

It's important because you already know the deal:
 

Fluctuating hormones during perimenopause drastically affect the nervous system!

Every human brain is designed to move fluidly between brain states depending on the moment-to-moment "best approach" to the current environment. But due to the random and dramatic fluctuations of estrogen and progesterone during perimenopause we often shift between brain states unpredictably, unprovoked, and at unwelcome times, despite our best efforts to keep cool and remain calm.

What's Happening inside the Brain:

The brain's three main super-networks – Survival, Emotional, and Executive – get majorly f-ed with (that's the scientific term, right?) when reproductive hormones drop. These hormones don't just stick to the business of the "birds and the bees", not by a long shot... Even though they aren't technically "neurohormones" (made for working inside our skulls), they get "all up in there" – modulating just about everything that matters, including our brain function.
 

The Survival System Impact

Estrogen is involved in (all) our thermoregulation and circadian rhythms — so when it drops, we see increases in body temperature without exertion, and increases in alertness when one should be sleeping. These are symptoms our nervous system already associates with danger, because when we're met with a predator our thermoregulation gets interrupted  and our hyper-vigilance goes way up. 

So, even though our lack of sleep and our hot flashes are estrogen-related, our nervous system will assume it's danger-related and cue a Survival reaction (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Appease).

Yank away a key ingredient in regulation, and the system in charge of regulation is going to get dysregulated!
 

What this means is that perimenopause will increase our susceptibility of slipping into Survival Mode.

Survival Brain State
⭐️ Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease.

A perimenopausal person in this state might:

• Lash out unexpectedly. (Fight)

• Suddenly ditch out from an appointment, obligation, or even a key relationship. (Flight)

• Experience stuckness, paralysis, inability to get anything done. (Freeze)

• Self-sacrifice, over-yes, people please. (Appease)

Fun fact: In not-so-distant times, people displaying sudden or increased Survival reactions during this era of hormonal transition were deemed insane, or dangerous, and sometimes excommunicated or put in asylums.

The Emotional System Impact

Estrogen and progesterone are involved with mood modulation. Their random fluctuation during perimenopause will increase the likelihood of equally random-seeming flushes of emotion, and their overall decline will increase the intensity of our emotional experience in general.

In laymen's terms it's called "mood swings", y'all, but what's really happening is not increased emotion (emotion is happening all the time) but decreased hormonal support for smooth emotional management.

Yank away a key ingredient in emotional regulation, and the system in charge of emotional regulation is going to get dysregulated!
 

What this means is that perimenopause will increase the likelihood, intensity, and unpredictability of Emotional Mode.

Emotional Brain State
⭐️ Is looking for ways to process, express, or suppress feelings.

A perimenopausal person in this state might:

• Fall into an emotional "vibe" that gets bigger and lasts longer than usual.

• Notice many things they no longer like about their life, their job, their relationships, or themselves.

• Assess events, issues, or people unfavorably.

• Experience intense emotion (longing, frustration, etc.) that requires action, without seeing any reasonable ways to take action.

• Act rashly, and make decisions based on emotion.

• Feel competing emotions at the same time.

The emotional needs of this hormonal transition are intense, yet support is often lacking, or withheld due to misunderstanding, or replaced with medical intervention that treats symptoms instead of also supporting emotional processing. Due to this, many people during this era experience a sense of isolation, confusion, and self-blame.

The Executive System Impact

Dude, estrogen is one busy bee. 

It boosts the production, release, and function of dopamine and acetylcholine – two key neurotransmitters associated with reward, memory, focus, and motivation. 

Yank away key ingredients in the ability to cognitively function, and the system in charge of cognitive function is going to... well, not function no more!
 

What this means is that perimenopause is likely to cause interruptions in the smooth operation of the Executive System.

Executive Brain State
⭐️ Exhibits clear thinking, empathy, flexibility, creativity, cooperation, humor, memory, etc..

A perimenopausal person in a disrupted version of this state might:

• Experience "brain fog".

• Show symptoms often associated with ADHD.

• Find it difficult to start tasks.

• Forget things.

• Unconsciously seek more instant gratification sources of dopamine like salty-sweet foods, video games, social media, alcohol, or shopping.

The Good News

It's called a transition period for a reason.

Once the fluctuations subside, the brain adapts to the lack of estrogen and progesterone. 

Many people experience the arrival at this post-reproductive era like a homecoming – a return to the person they were before their body attuned itself to the goal of reproduction. Questions rise to the surface, like:

Who am I now?
What do I want? 
What do I value most?
 

And...

⭐️Transition becomes fast-tracked metamorphosis when we get enough support.
 

If you, or someone you love is crossing this hormonal threshold... here are some ideas:

1. Double-down on Survival Support

• Dress in layers for easy temperature regulation.

• Prioritize sleep.

• Never get hungry.

• Never get thirsty.

• Have a couple Survival Support strategies at the ready (ask us for some, we'll hook you up).

• Explore HRT if that's right for you.

2. Get more Emotional Support than ever before

• Make that coffee date with your friend/spouse twice as long and twice as regular..

• See how many feelings you can name in a day. (A dozen or more feelings per day is normal.)

• Empathize with your feelings, no matter how contradictory they are.

• Don't wait for a reason to cry or emote, schedule regular emoting opportunities.

• Turn up the touch! Increasing your levels of oxytocin (which helps regulate other neurotransmitter levels) will help reassure your nervous system that you aren'y actually dying.

• Hire a professional. You're worth it.

3. Give your Executive System some grace

• Write it down. Whatever it is, just write it down.

• Don't make fun of yourself, you're having withdrawal symptoms from vital hormones, you're not "loony" or whatever other joke you usually make.

• Ride the focus wave: Focus, take a break, go pee, pet the cat, name some feelings, then come back for more focus.

• Your brain is a new dance partner — collaborate, instead of control.

This is what we teach.

How to use brain systems and state-specific support to meet our nervous system where it is – in any chapter of our lives – to increase efficacy, ease, success, connection, enjoyment, and more.

For the perimenopausal brain, it's not about denigrating ourselves, giving up, or giving over our power — it's about knowing ourselves, doubling down on support, and turning the mythos about this transition on its head. 

Want to become a pro at this?
Our NeuroEmotional Coach Training is a comprehensive road map. Spend five science-and-connection-soaked months with us and come out an expert on supporting yourself and others to work with the flow of neurochemistry. Class starts February 5th.

And whether you are just supporting your perimenopausal loved one, or you are the perimenopausal loved one – we're cheering you on!

❔🧠 The Mystery of the Teen Brain

The Lowdown on the Teen Brain

If we learn simple, practical ways to work with brain states – ours and our teens’ – we can radically increase our peace, our connection, and our chances of success with each other.

Because here’s the deal:

Teens are not intentionally storming off, putting in earbuds, or ignoring us just to make life difficult. (Even though they can get really good at making it look intentional...)

Every human brain is designed to move fluidly between brain states depending on the moment-to-moment needs of their current environment. But due to the massive overhaul the teen brain goes through between the ages of 12 and 24, their brain is switching states more frequently, quickly, dramatically, and unexpectedly.

Under stress (even mild social stress), teens can more easily drop into Survival Mode — where the brain is built only for one thing: fending off danger.
Not: listening, planning, being considerate, helping with dinner, caring about our experience, staying in the room, or joyfully connecting.

This is why conversations about homework, chores, weekend plans, college applications, and even family pizza night can feel endlessly fraught.

But when we support their brain states, we get:

        • More openness
        • More willingness
        • More warmth
        • More follow-through
        • And, sometimes – more time with us

Brain States á la Teen

All humans experience three primary brain states:

Survival State
⭐️ Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease reactions.
A teen in this state might:
- Argue randomly about an unimportant topic. (Fight)
- Bolt for their room. (Flight)
- Stay in bed, or on their phone, or in the bathroom for huge amounts of time. (Freeze)
- Act suddenly overly-sweet and make lots of false promises. (Appease)

Emotional State
⭐️ The brain is processing feelings and checking: Is it safe to share? Or do I need to hide this?
A teen in this state might:
- Be wearing their hoodie up and/or pajamas, schluffing around.
- Have a laundry list of what's wrong with the world/family/day/school.
- Characterize people, places, and things unfairly or dramatically.
- Complain about a thing and then refuse help about that thing.
- Be full of such joy or mirth that they can't be rational or mindful of risks.

Executive State
⭐️ The brain’s high-performance system that exhibits clear thinking, empathy, flexibility, creativity, cooperation, humor, memory, etc..
A teen in this state might:
- Goof around, but without being frenetic.
- Make jokes.
- Be interested in others.
- Most closely resemble themselves at a younger age.

But here's the catch:
 

Only one state can drive at a time.

We can’t logic a teen out of Survival.

We can’t motivate a teen out of Emotional overwhelm.

We can support the brain that’s driving — so that the teen naturally shifts to an  Executive State on their own.

That’s what we call Speaking Brain.

And the basic steps are beautifully simple:

A — Assess
Notice which brain is currently “driving.” Look at body language, pace, tone, thinking style, intensity, or shut-down.

R — Regulate
We regulate ourselves. A regulating breath, a drink of water, slower movements — this literally tells their nervous system, this is not a Survival moment.

T — Talk (to the brain that’s driving):
Speak the language of the current brain state. (Not the state you wish they were in.)
 

Survival Brain
needs: safety, calm, time, breath, sensory comfort, non-threatening presence.
Ways you can Speak Survival Brain with a teen:
- Mood lights
- No conversation or questions
- Patience
- Plentiful and easy food they can grab (available, not offered)
- Don't take anything personally
- Calmly, plainly, non-reactively hold boundaries
What doesn't help: explanations, corrections, frustrations, commands. 

Emotional Brain
needs: empathy, curiosity, kindness, acknowledgment, and connection.
Ways you can Speak Emotional Brain with a teen:
- Murmur sounds of understanding (even if you don't fully get it all)
- Reflect emotions, "Oh, that sounds frustrating."
- Get curious with them about what else they feel
What doesn't help: solutions, reassurance, or admonitions (“You just need to relax.”)

Executive Brain
needs: collaboration, choices, respect, agency, logic, partnership.
Ways you can Speak Executive Brain with a teen:
- Offering the option of teaming up (not automatically "helping")
- Respecting their knowledge of self and circumstances
- Cheering on their solutions
- Circling back to anything that needs to be cleared up from earlier when their brain wasn't online

When we talk to the right brain state, we don’t just reduce conflict — we grow connection, and help our teen get back to their own capability,  rather than trying to drag them there.

The Good News

Teen brains are rewiring themselves right now – massively. It’s messy and glitchy, but it’s also the perfect moment to introduce emotional and nervous system support.

When we support teen brain states well:

• Executive Brain becomes available more often and stays on longer

• Communication becomes clearer and less explosive

• Repair becomes easier and faster

• We become trusted allies, rather than perceived threats

• Relationships deepen – even in the thick of adolescence

This is what we teach.

How to use brain systems and state-specific support to turn everyday life into fertile ground for connection, capability, and calm.

It’s not about controlling teens – or anyone else!

It’s about supporting their brain so they can be who they’re capable of being.

Want to become a pro at this?
Our NeuroEmotional Coach Training is a comprehensive road map. Spend five science-and-connection-soaked months with us and come out an expert on supporting yourselves and others to work with the flow of neurochemistry. Class starts February 5th.

And if you have teens in your life, know we're right there with you! Our daughters are (about to be) 25, 22, and 18. We're cheering you on from just a little up the path!

---

P.S. If you'd love more of this in conversation form — and want to see how it works in real parent/teen situations — let's chat.