✨ Asking for Help Can Be Tricky, eh?

Are you experiencing April flowers or showers at the moment?

Seems every season brings its challenges, and this one is no different. How are you at asking for or receiving help during challenging times?
 

We've been thinking about those moments when someone says:
“Let me know how I can support you,” and you go completely blank.

Or worse –

You say “I’m fine” when you’re definitely not, because the idea of explaining what you actually need feels like more work than just powering through on your own.

It sucks when that happens.
 

We’ve been having a lot of conversations lately with folks in this exact spot – high-functioning humans whose nervous systems are quietly frequenting Survival Mode, even as they keep showing up, producing, leading, parenting, and helping.
 

And asking for or receiving support is off the table, because: 

When we’re in that low-key shutdown, or revved-up, hyper-managing state – our brain’s ability to recognize, articulate, or receive support short circuits.

Even if we work hard at "being better at receiving support", if we're in a Survival state or don't know what to ask for, all that work is for naught. And once again, we find ourselves getting burned out, while burning up with resentment.

In situations like these, you might think that getting your person to learn better support skills, is the answer. You'll wonder: "Should I ask them to go to therapy with me?" or "Should I get them to take a class?"... 

Probably not.

Because, let's face it. if anyone is likely to take a(nother) deep dive into therapy, or a(nother) class, it's you!

Not them. 

The record likely shows that poking, prodding, demanding, hopefully suggesting, and passively wishing, have so far not moved them to learn new support skills, right?

Luckily there's a(nother) way forward. Where you get what you need and want without becoming something you're not.
 

We created Support Fundamentals to teach exactly this:

• How to recognize which version of you is in the driver’s seat.

• What support actually lands – and how to offer it, or ask for it.

Some of the most supportive people we know are quietly starving for the kind of support they don’t know how to ask for. 

After this class, you'll know exactly what to say when someone asks how they can help you.

When offered those well-intentioned, but utterly useless efforts, like:
   • Attempts at fixing
   • Exaggerative responses that steal the show
   • Devil's advocate positions
   • Bright-siding
   • Unwelcome spiritual guidance
   • And the like...
You'll be able to compassionately redirect their efforts toward responses that actually work for the neurochemical brain state you find yourself in.


And, if your person does actually want to learn some new support skills? We've got you covered! We have a secret 2-for-1 special going for a little while longer. Just reply to this email, and we'll hook you up!

7 Classic Support Fails 😬

Perhaps an odd-seeming question, but – have you eaten anything yummy and fortifying yet today? Or have you hugged a close person or animal yet today?

We sure hope so! (Being the nerds we are, we know how useful these practices are for optimal "neurochemical maintenance". But they're also just great parts of life!)

Today, we're bringing you a list of the 7 classic ways people tend to botch a potentially connective emotional moment. Check them out, and then let us know:
 

• Which of these have you experienced before?

• Which of these have you "committed" before?
  
   

Seven Classic Support Breakdowns:

1. Fixing

Scenario: Things went bad today. You stubbed your toe, your car wouldn't start, the main thoroughfare is under construction and that made you late, and you also didn't sleep well the night before. 

You: [Tell your person all about it.]

Your person: "Why didn't the car start? Did you check the oil? I've been taking Main Street all the way to Pacific Avenue, you should try it. Do you want to take my melatonin tonight? You need your sleep. Maybe go back to that Yin yoga routine before bed?"

Result: They engage in superficial talk about factual details. No connection, no empathy, no understanding, no release. You don't feel better.
 

2. Stealing

Scenario: Some bad stuff happened, and things didn't go the way you hoped.

You: [Share it with your person.]

Your person: "OH MY GOD! This is terrible! [Crying] Oh no, oh no, oh no. Can you get me my purse? I need to take my meds. This is going to kill me. Why is god punishing me? I just want you to be happy and this is what we get???"

Result: They steal the scene and now you have to support them. When this happens routinely, you stop sharing anything "triggering" and your support circle shrinks. You don't feel better.
 

3. Defending

Scenario: You notice something you don't like and that needs addressing.

You: [Bring it up with the person.]

The person: "I really don't appreciate how you're talking to me about this. I didn't do/say that! You're always tracking my "faults" but I do everything around here. So if I made a so-called mistake, which I didn't, it's only because I'm wiped out doing all the other things you want me to do or say. Am I ever going to be good enough for you?"

Result: No resolution, no addressing of the issue, no mutual understanding or collaboration. The more times you hear this kind of defense, the more likely you are to stuff your preferences and simmer in invisible resentment. You don't feel better.
 

4. Brightsiding

Scenario: You're bumming about something.

You: [Tell somebody about it.]

That somebody: "I'm so sorry to hear that. But at least you have the weekend to take it easy and relax, right? Plus, you're so good at figuring things out, I'm sure you'll be "back in the saddle" and working new magic in no time. And your kids, they're all doing so great! You're amazing. You're going to be fine."

Result: You go along with their encouragement because you know they mean well and they don't want to see you upset, and you stop talking. You note to yourself that this person "doesn't really get it". You don't feel better.
 

5. Cricketing

Scenario: Something's on your mind.

You: [Wait for just the right opportunity to share it with your person.] 

Your person: [[*crickets*]]

Result: You say "Did you hear what I said?" and repeat yourself. Your person shows annoyance and impatience and says that yes they heard you, but what did you want them to say? There's nothing they can do about the issue. You feel frustration, throw up your hands, and go cry in the other room and decide that "something has to change". You don't feel better.
 

6. Ride-or-Dying

Scenario: Something happened that wasn't cool.

You: [Report it to your person.]

Your person: [more pissed than you] Are you kidding me?! That's unacceptable. You can't be treated that way! Are you going to talk to them? Did you stop payment on your check? You have to do something! Are you going to let them just roll right over you?

Result: Similar to the Stealing scenario, this moment has become more about them than about you. But in this case, if you don't react the way they think you should, then there will be conflict between the two of you. You wind up wishing you hadn't said anything. You decide it's better to handle things, even hard things, quietly, alone. You don't feel better.
 

7. Spirit-Guiding

Scenario: You've noticed something about a person in your life, and you're bothered by it.

You: [Bring it to the person in your life that seems to know about "inner work" and human psychology.]

That person: "Oh babe, yesssssss. I've done a lot of work on this. Girl, you're getting into shadow work! I'm so proud of you! Everything you don't like in that person is a reflection of what you don't like in yourself. It's time to dig in and get really real with yourself. Here, I'll send you a link to this amazing podcast. You'll love it.

Result: You smile and pretend like you're going to listen to the podcast. You leave the conversation with a sense of defeat, like there's just more "work" to do. You don't feel better.

So what's the verdict? Do any of these scenarios feel familiar?

These conversations are so common, and though often well-intentioned, they never deliver beneficial results!
 

That's why we created Support Fundamentals.

It's high-time we all had a simple primer to know exactly what to do when someone we care about is upset!

And because your person sometimes falls into the trap of one of these 7 common fails...
 

Ready to finally know how to support yourself and your people during difficult times?

We've got you.

🌬️ Emotional Weather Forecast: April & May

How is this time of year unfolding for you?

We've noticed the seasons are shifting. And so are we.

In fact, around this time each year (in the Northern Hemisphere, where we remain ever 6-months behind and chasing our more Southern friends), we start to see a familiar mix:

• The Survival System revving up with Spring’s return

• The Emotional System aching with old griefs that bloom like new wildflowers

• The Executive System trying to rally – but still running on Winter’s low battery

We call this The Tension of Emergence.

Here’s what we’re seeing in the collective nervous system right now:
 

🌪️Swirly Energy: Feeling Everything, All at Once

Big dreams. Big longing. Big worry.
Many of us are swinging between expansion and collapse.

We suggest: Ground before you grow.
Regulation isn’t a holdup – it’s the foundation.
Try tuning into your body. Can you intentionally feel every single body part? Regularly repeating this practice aids us in withstanding the polarities of our emotions.
 

🧷Appease Mode is Sneaking in More

Many of us might notice ourselves subtly shape-shifting to keep the peace, avoid disappointing others, or to stay connected – even if it costs us.
This is the work of overactive amygdalae, and the drive to find some form of social safety.

We recommend: Pause before you please.
Let's not race to say yes to everything and fill the quarter's calendar.
Try delaying scheduling or answering requests until the urgency has left your body, and there's time to tune into what's right.
 

🐍Old Stories are Molting

Many of us yearn to shed identities we have outgrown – parenting styles, leadership strategies, even spiritual frameworks.
The discomfort isn’t failure – it's evolution.

We propose: Feeling before peeling (back the layers).
The stories we tell ourselves about our identities serve the purpose of pulling stored emotion to the surface.
Try exploring the feelings that come up with an identity shift, and then look for aligned next steps.
 

🧭 Forecast Summary:

• Feelings may be more vivid than usual 🌀

• Boundaries will feel both necessary and hard to hold 🤲

• Emotional exploration might be high risk but definitely high reward 📈
   

Your Tools for the Season:

☁️ Keep returning to your body to communicate safety to your nervous system.
🌿 Buy time for regulation and reflection before responding.
🔥 Give your feelings attention and processing so they don’t decide who you are.
 

Want help navigating your current weather system?

We have many seasonal offerings to support you during this time of year, no matter which side of the equator you're on. Check out the list below!

Spring Support Schedule

Free Workshop:
Building the Entrepreneurial Nervous System

Become who your mission needs you to be. 
April 17th, 11am Pacific

Personal Support:
Coach Kate has an Opening in Her Client Roster

Wednesdays at 7:50am Pacific

Monthly Support Program: 
Dear EQ, What Do I Do?

Emotionally intelligent ideas for life’s challenges.
April 21, 11:30am Pacific
 

New Certification:
Support Fundamentals

Learn how to support yourselves and others in difficult times
4-Week Course: May 20, 27 and June 3, 10, at 5pm Pacific

Avail yourself! And feel free to share with those you know could benefit. 💛 

The Anti-Aging Protocol You're Not Using Yet

Have you been following the recent movement around longevity? 

A core concept of this movement is the idea that death is a disease, and that we can actually find a way to reverse the negative effects of aging. 

We watched the Netflix documentary about this, called Don't Die,  and immediately emailed Bryan Johnson's team. Because even though his regimen is ridiculously optimized, studied, and researched, it's still missing a key ingredient:
 

Nervous System Agility!

As you already know, here at the Center for Emotional Education, we help people develop nervous system agility using our NeuroEmotional framework. We teach folks to learn to move fluidly between Survival, Emotional, and Executive brain states — reducing chronic stress, improving neurochemical balance, and fostering optimal functionality.
 

But did you know nervous system agility also slows down aging?

Here's how:

🧠 Reduces Allostatic Load

Chronic stress accelerates aging at a cellular level and interrupts normal autonomic activity in the body. Our methods shift people out of chronic stress and Survival states, restoring and enhancing autonomic performance, preserving longevity at a nervous system level.
 

🔬 Optimizes Neurochemical Functioning

We teach tools to actively manage neurotransmitters like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, but also GABA, acetylcholine, norepinephrine, and endocannabinoids — all critical for cognitive longevity, emotional well-being, and ideal system-wide operation.
 

🧭 Enhances Executive Brain Access

Just as metabolic flexibility is essential for physical longevity, brain state flexibility is essential for cognitive, emotional, and psychogenic longevity. Our approach helps people sustain higher Executive function, creativity, and adaptive problem-solving over a lifetime.
 

💛 Improves Relationship Health

Longevity isn’t just about individual optimization — it’s also about the quality of our connections. We teach people how to create more emotionally safe environments and habits that foster healthier, more sustainable relationships.


Let's face it, even if we're not trying to live forever (we're not!), most of us want to live the days we do have, really well. 

So in addition to all the cool anti-aging stuff like smoothies, collagen,  red lights, UV lights, creatine, exercise, electrolytes, etc., etc., we can also add in a quick NeuroEmotional Protocol anytime we think of it!

10 – 3 – 1
Quick NeuroEmotional Protocol for Anti-Aging

• 10 Breaths  – Take quick-ish full inhales, long slow exhales all the way out.
   

• 3 Emotions – Name three feelings you are having out loud to yourself.
   

• 1 Action – Determine one tiny action you can take right now that is self-nourishing or meets another important need
  

If you want to learn more about nervous system agility, and even pick up a Certification while you're at it, check out our upcoming course, Support Fundamentals.

And whether you're super invested in performance and future-forward human design, or simply want to live your good life even better, we're cheering you on!

🌏 Tools for Navigating a Divided World

Do you have the sense that conflict is everywhere?

Whether it's small conflict (like deciding to stop for Dunkin' Donuts or not) or big conflict (like deciding to withdraw from international territories or treaties or not), our nervous system gets jacked up!

Many of us we just want to stick our heads in the sand and cross our fingers that it will pass.

Yet that's not really an option is it?

Life keeps going forward and important decisions, actions, and relationships can't be neglected.

When we're navigating a difficult conversation with a colleague, a challenging discussion with a loved one, or simply trying to maintain our sense of safety in the face of external chaos – staying clearheaded and in connection can seem completely out of reach.

But what if there were practical tools we could use to navigate these moments with confidence and grace? 

What if we knew what to do when internal or external conflict arises?

In our new certification training, Support Fundamentals, we double down on the idea that learning to help yourself and others during difficult times is not just possible – it’s essential for creating the environment, family, and world we want to live in.
 

Here are a few practical tips to get started:

1. Buy Yourself Some Time

• When you're in a moment of conflict it can be ridiculously difficult to maintain your cool and say or do the thing that will ease the tension. So instead of acting right away (which will likely just increase the emotional intensity), buy yourself a few moments by:

  • Having some phrases at the ready, like:
    "Hmmm. I'm not sure what I think or feel about that..." or 
    "Let me feel into that and get back to you..." or
    "I need a second/minute to sit with what's coming up for me around this before I respond."

  • Sportscasting (reflecting back what you're hearing):
    "You're saying sweet pickles are the worst and only weirdos eat them..."
    "I hear ______ and _______ (things that they said). Am I tracking that appropriately?"
    "So just to make sure I'm understanding you right — (summary of what they just shared)... Do you want to say more about ______?"

2. Check on Your Toes

• Sometimes conflict is so uncomfortable that we swing into Survival Mode and find ourselves fighting, avoiding, freezing up, or trying to fix the issue instead of finding connection around the conflict.
   

• A simple way to pull ourselves out of Survival mode is to orient to what our body is doing. Wiggling our toes, or finding sensation in any other body part can help us shift into a state that can more gracefully navigate the conflict – no matter what the conflict may be.

3. Speak Brain

• When emotions run high, our neurochemistry can get pretty tweaked! The most common communication mistake during conflict is to keep trying to argue and convince logically even though the logical part of our partner's brain has completely shut down. 
   

• Our trainings do a deep-dive on how to Speak Brain, but as an intro, try this:

  • When conflict gets heated and loud, use very few, or no words at all. Instead breathe, drink some water, and just nod to indicate you're listening.

  • When the conflict gets entrenched and one or both parties is repeating themself, see if you can determine what feelings are behind the arguments. Try having empathy for the feelings even if you disagree with the position.

4. Prioritize the Relationship, not the Issue

• Not all conflicts can be resolved in the moment. If the relationship is meaningful to you and you want to nourish it, after you've tried steps 1-3 above, you can circle back later for another round of connection and communication. Investing in the relationship above and beyond the issue of conflict means that you will continue cultivating the trust and connection necessary to see a topic through.

5. You Don't Have to Be the Hero

• Sometimes we have the Resilience and Capacity to invest the time and energy needed to stay in connection, shift brain states, and negotiate a resolution, and sometimes we don't!
  
  It's okay to pick our battles
   

• When we have the ability to engage, and it's right for us, we can use our tools and make an effort. But when we don't have the ability, interest, or time to engage in a particular conflict, we want to avoid the tendency of leaning into self-sacrifice and trying anyway. Instead it can be useful to lovingly step away, tend to ourselves, and reassess.

How do these tips land for you?

Do you use some already?

Are you interested in trying others?

Let us know! We'd love to hear.
 

And, these tips are just the beginning... 

In Support Fundamentals, we give you the cutting-edge, neuroscience-backed playbook for managing conflict — helping you know exactly what to do when you or someone you care about is upset.

If you’re tired of not knowing what to say or do, and you're ready to step into your competence and confidence around conflict, we invite you to join us.

🐣 Early Bird Special
ends March 31, 2025

Use coupon code: AWESOME to get $100 off enrollment

DETAILS:

Investment: $550 (add an optional $200 exam fee for those seeking a certification)

8-hour Certification Program

A science-based training program designed to help you respond effectively when someone is emotionally activated. In just 8 hours over 4 weeks, you'll learn how to regulate emotional states and become a Certified NeuroEmotional Aide. 

• Assess Brain States: Quickly identify if someone is in a Survival, Emotional, or Executive state.

• Regulate the Nervous System: Learn techniques to lower activation and re-establish calm.

• Targeted Communication: Use precise "language" to help shift out of dysregulation.

• Rapid-Response Skills: Interrupt emotional overwhelm and escalation.

• Enhanced Cognitive Function: Boost Executive functioning for better problem-solving and performance.

• Certification: Official recognition with an option to complete a written exam for certification.

• Flexible Format: Live online evening sessions, perfect for busy professionals and caregivers.

Course begins May 20, 2025

If you want to go from "Uuhhhh" to "No duh" when it comes to knowing what to do with upsets, this is for you. Check out the button above if you're ready to sign up, or the button below if you want to find out more!

And in any case, please feel free to pass this on to anyone you know could use it. It's rough out there, and lots of us could benefit from having more tools. 😉

It's Here! Get Certified with Support Fundamentals!

Have you ever been in a situation where someone was upset, and you weren’t sure what to say or do? 

Well, you're not alone.

Folks have been asking us for years for a simple guide to help themselves and others in difficult times. And now we've done it!

The long-awaited, much-anticipated, and direly needed...

Because times are hard.

And we do get upset.

And it's just the worst when you don't know what to do to help yourself or someone else get through it.
 

With Support Fundamentals it means:

This is a course designed to teach you how to respond effectively when emotions run high. Whether you’re a leader, coach, parent, or partner, this course gives you a clear, actionable framework for navigating emotional moments with efficacy, confidence, and care.
 

You’ll learn:

• Step-by-step techniques for de-escalating emotional distress
   

• How to support someone without fixing, dismissing, or absorbing their emotions
   

• The key to holding space while maintaining your own emotional boundaries
   

• Practical tools to cultivate safety, connection, and trust in any relationship
   

• Option to earn a certification that validates your ability to provide meaningful emotional support

This isn’t just another theory-heavy course — it’s real-world, practical, and ready to transform the way you show up in moments that matter.

Enroll in Support Fundamentals and you'll know exactly what to do when you or someone you care about is upset.

Details:

Investment: $550 (add an optional $200 exam fee for those seeking a certification)

8-hour Certification Program

A science-based training program designed to help you respond effectively when someone is emotionally activated. In just 8 hours over 4 weeks, you'll learn how to regulate emotional states and become a Certified NeuroEmotional Aide. 

• Assess Brain States: Quickly identify if someone is in a Survival, Emotional, or Executive state.

• Regulate the Nervous System: Learn techniques to lower activation and re-establish calm.

• Targeted Communication: Use precise "language" to help shift out of dysregulation.

• Rapid-Response Skills: Interrupt emotional overwhelm and escalation.

• Enhanced Cognitive Function: Boost Executive functioning for better problem-solving and performance.

• Certification: Official recognition with an option to complete a written exam for certification.

• Flexible Format: Live online evening sessions, perfect for busy professionals and caregivers.

Course begins May 20, 2025

If you want to go from "Uuhhhh" to "No duh" when it comes to knowing what to do with upsets, this is for you. Check out the button above if you're ready to sign up, or the button below if you want to find out more!

And in any case, please feel free to pass this on to anyone you know could use it. It's rough out there, and lots of us could benefit from having more tools. 😉

Energy ≠ Energy in Motion 🫢

You’ve probably heard the popular adage before: “Emotion is just energy in motion.” It sounds poetic, even intuitive. But it’s not the whole story. And for many of us, it confuses things rather than clearing them up.

The concept that emotions are just stuck energy isn't based on neuroscience, it's based on some catchy word play from a famous self-help author.

Emotions aren’t just forces moving through you like a current that needs to be discharged. They’re brain-generated interpretations of what's happening inside you and around you — shaped by context, personal history, and brain state. Sometimes they need movement, sometimes they don’t.
 

This matters, because if we believe emotions are just “energy that needs to move,” we might chase ineffective solutions — thinking we simply need to "release" something, or just dance it out, or exercise harder. But real emotional mastery comes from understanding how emotions truly work.

Let’s break it down:

💡 5 Reasons This Myth Needs to Go:

❌ 1. Emotions aren’t forces that need to “move.”

The brain doesn’t just store emotions like a battery holding a charge. It activates an experience of them in real time, based on our reaction(s) to stimulus, our emotional concepts, our personal history, and the stories we tell. Emotions are dynamic experiences that help us conserve our resources and make meaning, not stagnant energy just waiting to be pushed through.

❌ 2. Survival mode blocks emotional awareness.

When our nervous system goes into Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease, it doesn’t say, “Let’s process some emotions!”.  Instead, it prioritizes immediate survival — which means shutting down emotional processing for our protection. If emotions were just energy, we’d always experience them in the same way, but we don't. Sometimes we're not present to them at all...

❌ 3. Stillness doesn’t erase emotion.

If motion were necessary for emotion, stillness would mean no emotions. But anyone who has ever been frozen in grief, spiraled into anxious thoughts while lying in bed, or felt numb but not at peace knows — motion isn’t the determining factor. Our emotional experience depends on what our brain constructs, not our level of movement.

❌ 4. You don’t always need to “release” emotions for them to resolve.

While emotions can build up and max out our capacity to process them, the answer to that build-up is not always dumping. According to contemporary neuroscience, emotions shift when our brain updates its predictions. Sometimes, the right input — safety, context, or connection — is all that’s needed for an emotion to change.

❌ 5. “Stuck emotions” aren’t just trapped energy — they’re trauma.

Trauma doesn't stay unresolved because energy is trapped — it’s because the brain hasn’t updated its safety map. When heightened reactivity and sensitivity persist, it’s usually because the nervous system is still perceiving threat, even when the threat is gone. The solution isn’t just to move energy — it’s to correct the prediction and rewire the adaptation.
 

✨ A More Accurate View of Emotion:

Emotions aren’t just something to move through — they’re experiences your brain constructs based on state, perception, and safety. They don’t simply flow; they emerge, shift, and resolve when the nervous system gets the right information.

So yes, movement can help. But it’s not about just “getting rid of energy”. It’s about giving your brain what it needs to feel safe enough to process.

👉 Want to learn how to navigate your emotions with precision? That’s what we do. Let’s talk.

Do you want more ways to work with emotion?
Ready to go beyond self-care and really get the results you're looking for?
Are you tired of trying to figure this out all on your own?

The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session

Is "Soft Life" Really a Cure for Burnout?

Have you heard about the "Soft Life" trend?

We've been looking into it because this trend is being touted as the answer to burnout.

As folks who work directly with powerful people around the world to rewire their nervous systems as a preventative to burnout (and overwhelm, procrastination, anxiety, depression, etc.), our curiosity is piqued!
 

What is "Soft Life"?
Is it really the answer to burnout?
 

The Soft Life trend comes from influencer culture in Nigeria, and in America is all about embracing a lifestyle that prioritizes ease, comfort, and self-care over the relentless grind of hustling.

The key aspects are:

• Self-Care and Mental Health: Resilience practices like meditation, quality sleep, and stress management.

• Rejecting Hustle Culture: Promoting balance, leisure, and the importance of downtime by leaning into resilience practices, but also by setting boundaries around work and emotional labor.

• Aesthetic and Lifestyle: A visual aesthetic — cozy, minimalistic, and sometimes even luxurious settings that evoke comfort and relaxation.   

Here at the Center for Emotional Education... 

We love resilience practices (we include strategies for resilience in Emotional Sovereignty School).

We're huge champions of boundaries (Better at Boundaries Mini-Course anyone?).

And cozy may as well be our middle name because we know what cozy does for a nervous system (it's a word we use in the opening of many newsletters, including this one!).

And...
 

Soft Life simply isn't enough to fend off burnout.

Here's why...

1. Not all of us can dedicate enough of our time to meditation, baths, and plush fabrics. We prefer to promote strategies that are available to anyone, anytime, and don't cost any money.
    

2. Even if we could devote multiple hours to resilience practices each day, we'd basically have to stay "on retreat" and away from all sources of stress in order to maintain that level of calm, which simply isn't possible.
    

3. (The biggie.) Resilience practices (the things we do to reduce stress) are only one part of the burnout equation.

If we don't learn how to work with our capacity for emotion (stress, overwhelm, anxiety, guilt, frustration), the burnout prophylactic we've created via our boundaried, luxurious, hygga moments, wears off fairly quickly.

Life, with all it's stresses, is always just inches away from a bubble bath. 

Resilience practices require large investments of time. But emotion happens instantly and regularly. We feel things all day long, whether we're in a soft pile or not.
 

Unfortunately we can't self-care ourselves out of our feelings.

In addition to gentle routines, loving boundaries, and a supportive physical environment, for emotional release we need emotional tools.
 

The solution to burnout is both resilience practices and emotional capacity practices.
 

Without emotional processing tools to use alongside our Soft Life efforts, we're at risk of subconsciously using this trend as just another version of Survival Freeze where, sure we're comfortable, but we may also be in active avoidance of things that really matter to us and our longterm goals.
 

Our conclusion?
 

Embrace #SoftLife as much as is right for you and available to you!

AND, also remember to embrace:

#CryLife
#EmotionalProcessingLife
#ItsOkToNotBeOkLife
#FeelingsAreHealthyLife
#ICanDoHardThingsWhenIGetTheSupportINeedLife

What about you?

Do you have any thoughts about this trend? Let us know! We'd love to hear about your experience.

Do you want help determining if you're embracing the Soft Life as a way of avoiding things you truly want to do? We've got you.

Our team of coaches is at the ready with a complimentary "Feel Better Already" Strategy Session in which you'll be supported to discover the truth about your habits and your goals. 

This offer is available to anyone who has not already enjoyed this session-type, and is ready to crack the code of emotional capacity.


And in any case, we're cheering you on in cultivating the life that is just right for you — all of you!

---

The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session

Do you want more ways to manage emotion?
Ready to go beyond self-care and really get the results you're looking for?
Are you tired of trying to figure this out all on your own?

Better at Boundaries Mini-Course

Designed for busy individuals who want results, this mini-course offers bite-sized, actionable content to help you start making changes right away. Gain the confidence to uphold your values, reduce emotional overwhelm, and create more balanced, fulfilling relationships.
$29

Maybe You're Not an Empath 😲

 Many of us relate to ourselves as compassionate, tuned in, and occasionally taking on other's upsets as our own. And in the parlance of our time, we refer to certain folks who do this more than others as empaths.

Here's the definition:

• An empath is someone who is highly attuned to the emotions of others.

• They feel what others are feeling so deeply that they may "absorb" or "take on" those emotions. 

• Empaths may struggle to distinguish their own feelings from those of others, which can lead to confusion and misinterpretation. 

Ring any bells for you? It certainly does for us...

And for those of us who think of ourselves as empaths the world can be a very overwhelming and over-stimulating place. We may even tend to avoid people altogether in order to protect our own energy and capacity.
 

But maybe it's not "being an empath".
Maybe it's being wired to react to others from a Survival State.

A huge percentage of us accidentally developed a nervous system that manages social situations with the neural network that is meant to manage life or death situations.

This can happen when, early on, our brain wires itself in order to succeed in an environment lacking adequate social and emotional support.
 

The Survival System relies on coherence in order to keep us alive.

Historically, if someone in our clan was running from a saber-tooth tiger, the others of us most likely to survive were the ones who noticed early and at distance, and acted accordingly! 

Our species has survived for eons in part due to reacting with Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease whenever someone near us was in Survival Mode. 

There are no longer saber-tooth tigers chasing our fellow clansmen, but Survival coherence is still very much alive and active.
 

Unless we know how to work proactively with coherence, our Survival System reacts to others’ emotional states as if there’s a threat—preparing to “stay alive” even when no real danger is present, just people expressing feelings.

This is why standing near an upset person upsets our own system.

It's not that we're absorbing their feelings, it's that we're mirroring their feelings. And our system (among other things) is preparing to either protect us from the emotion or from the threat of whatever might be inviting the emotion.
 

In any case, (empath or over-reactive wiring) the answer to experiences like this is to invite our Survival System to "stand down".

 

3 things you can do...to prevent Survival coherence and the experience of absorbing other's feelings:

1.  What's your breath doing?
   Are you panting like you're going to fight or run? Are you barely breathing at all? 
   Just noticing your breath will cue the Survival System that there's less need for it to get involved.
    

2. Can you touch your skin?
   Find a little patch of your own skin, and rub your finger over it. If you keep this up for a minute or so, this tiny signal will help your nervous system understand that your body's experience is separate from the experience of the upset person near you, and will begin to down-shift the Survival reaction.
    

3. How far away is your pinkie toe from your elbow?
   This sounds silly, but if you can ask your brain to calculate the distance between body parts, it helps your nervous system re-estimate the threat level of the situation. A general rule is that if you can notice your body, you can stay out of Survival mode and have a chance of remaining emotionally sovereign in the face of another's emotion.

The best part about this?
 

Even if we got wired to respond to people and their emotions from the Survival System, we can rewire.

Putting the right tool in place, at the right moment, and repeating that process consistently over time, asks the brain to redevelop itself in order to accommodate the new way of living.
 

With some work (and especially with support) we can:

• Become less accidentally empathic (having the sense that we absorb others' emotions)

• Become more empathetic (authentically connecting around emotions)

• Maintain a grounded sense of self and sovereignty no matter who we're with

What's your experience? Please share with us if you have identified as an empath and how you support yourself. We'd love to hear!

And if the path of brain rewiring is calling to you, we invite you to join us! We've been at it for 18 years now.
 

Rewiring is what we do!
 

And if you have been dealing with the experience of getting too activated around others' feelings, or taking on too much, or cohering too deeply with the states of those around you — please know you are not alone, and you don't have to face it alone. We know what it's like, and we can help.

The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session

Do you want to team up to rewire your nervous system?
Get help discovering how your system works and what it needs.
Schedule a phone appointment at your convenience.

💛 Why You're not "Normal" 💛

Did you know that you're not "normal"? 

No one is.

There is no normal when it comes to, anything, but certainly not personality, brain development, trauma response, or even reactions to everyday occurrences.

Like everyone, your brain started with some basic "factory settings", and then was customized according to aaaallllllllllllll your personal experience. Your history has been unique. No one else has your exact genetics, your particular caregivers, your little and big triumphs, and your shallow scrapes and deeper wounds. 

Brains are incredibly smart that way. They team up with all of your body parts and adjust and alter every single mechanism in order to make sure that you make it. Literally every system of nerves, every muscle, and every neuron is carefully managed to help you adapt to the circumstances of your most common early environments.
 

There is no "normal" there is only "just right for these conditions".

Given that you are absolutely unique, your route to feeling better is going to be pretty unique, too. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to mental health, emotional self-care, or even nervous system regulation. You will be the expert on what's right for you.

So, if you're willing, let's try this:

1. Close your eyes or at least soften your gaze, and tune into your personal, unique experience.

• Take a quick peek

• View it from across the street

• Or through a tiny peep hole

• What's happening in you?

• What sensations are safe to feel right now?

• What emotions are safe to feel right now?

• Do you like noticing this?

• Take a break and look at something you love for a second if that seems helpful.

2. What does your body need right now?

• A cozier seat, outfit, position?

• Some warmth? Some cooling down?

• Water?

• Snack?

• To move?

• Some gentle touch?

• Slow exhales? Slow inhales?

• Rest?

(Whatever it is, you know best. Take your time... Go ahead and tend to your body the way that's right for you.)

3. Are you willing to check in with your feelings? What are they? 

(Go slow here. Really look, and identify the names of your emotions.)

4. What do your feelings need?

• a cry?

• a gentle hug?

• a scream into a pillow?

• movement?

• companionship?

• to be heard?

• understanding?

• touch?

• expression?

(Whatever it is, you know best. Take your time. Tend to your feelings in the way that's right for you.)

Did you like what you came up with for yourself? It's important to pay attention to what works for you because...
 

When we repeat the tools that serve our nervous system best... again and again over time... something amazing happens...

Can you guess what it is?
 

Our brain gets an update.

Instead of carrying on with the customized setup that was perfect for surviving our origins, our brain re-customizes to fit our current circumstances, our current skillset, and our current values and goals.

So here's to you and your amazing, special, unique brain. There's no one like you. And we think that's pretty cool...

(For the fellow brain-geeks among us, at the Center we call this concept neurodiversity or "neuro-idiosyncrasy" and the data is pretty clear that all brains are neuroidiosyncratic.)

Keep finding your just right way!
 

Upcoming self-care opportunities for you and your unique nervous system:

The Grief Well

Does your grief need some ritual and community?
Live Bereavement Ceremony
February 12, 2025
5:30pm Pacific

The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session

Do you want to team up on your nervous system support?
Get help discovering how your system works and what it needs.
Schedule a phone appointment at your convenience.

Loving Someone Who's "Gone"

(Nathan, here, with a special reach out to my fellow grievers.)

I’ve been grieving my brother Edward for almost 2 years now.

(And as a measure of that project, I’ll admit that it took me a long time today to write anything else after that sentence. . .)

Suffice it to say, Edward’s death and the process I have been through since has changed me so much that who I was before would barely believe it.

Grieving has taught me so much more than I ever wanted to know. About emotional pain and expression, for sure, but also about cremation, and traveling with cats, and obituaries, and bank loans, and real estate, etc., etc..

Another thing I’ve learned more than I ever wanted to know about is loving someone who’s “gone”.

On Full-Time Grievers, the podcast I now cohost (because podcasting is another thing grieving is teaching me), we were talking about the ongoing connection we have with our deceased loved ones. It can be anything from playing a song or doing an activity they liked, visiting a special place in honour of them, or writing them a note, to donating to a cause they cared about, creating art to them, and/or cultivating rituals that keep us in contact.

Among a litany of other things, I regularly leave Edward long rambling voice messages, and I visit the bench we got for him in Missoula. Some local folks have even seen me blessing the bench on special occasions. I also visit him in the spirit world, ask him for support, and bring him to important moments and places.

This month on the Micro Full Snow Moon – on 2.12 which is a special number for Edward and me and some of our friends – we’ll be leading another edition of the Grief Well. This is a guided set of rituals for honouring, mourning, and continuing connection with our dearly departed. 

You can opt in or out of each element in this roughly 90-minute ceremony, choosing your level of privacy, in compassionate community with fellow grievers, from the comfort of your own space. All grief levels and all grievers are welcome.

When you sign up, you can get a copy of our 83 page grief journal, too, for free.

This is for me and all the other folks out there still loving someone who’s “gone”.

---

The Grief Well

Live Bereavement Ceremony
February 12, 2025
5:30pm Pacific

Sending you love. 🖤

Levels of Emotional Healing

Emotional healing is a journey that unfolds in layers, seasons, and cycles. It’s not a straight path but a continual process of tending to ourselves, growing, and recalibrating.

The Levels of Emotional Healing provide a roadmap, helping us understand what’s needed at each stage whether it’s creating safety in the body, processing deep emotions, or embracing lasting change.

Wherever you are in your journey, know that we're cheering you on and every effort counts.

Let’s dive in.
 

Levels of Emotional Healing:

Getting the body safe.
This involves getting enough good sleep, good nutrition, plenty of water, movement, breath, and optimal temperature balance, in safe spaces. These basics have a powerful influence on our mood, resilience, and cognition. If you aren't getting enough of these needs met, you can't get further...

Getting the body regulated.
This is all about using the body to convince the nervous system and Survival Brain that no predator needs to be expected. It relies on parasympathetic nervous system activation, neurochemical maintenance, and/or "prediction error" correction. If you can't meet these needs, then emotional work can be traumatizing...

Tending surface emotion.
When feelings come up and we're safe enough to express them – then we consciously Notice them, we Name them, and we stay in Touch with the experience of them. This helps process emotion, and teach our nervous system that we’re safe to engage with emotion. If you can't sit with the feeling, you can't access the healing...

Releasing historical emotion.
This is where feelings are friends, and we go gently looking for how we can help our friends out. It involves deeper release, deeper integration, and deeper rewiring of our "neural habits" regarding emotional processing. If you can process and release historical emotion, you can heal from trauma…

Surrendering to change.
This is about living differently than we did before, taking better care of ourselves, allowing relationships and circumstances to evolve with us, continuing to choose our own healing, while avoiding complacency. If you can make healing a practice, you can create permanent change…

Being the change/changed/changing.
This is about both allowing our self to be who we really are, and to become who we're here to become, while staying more focused on being in the journey than arriving. It asks that we keep doing everything we've been doing (above), while being fully open to all we can do now. If you can truly see your self, you can do anything…

Each of these are cyclical, seasonal, perpetual.

We need them all to really heal.

And we never finish.

If you can get used to that, you'll do extremely well here.

And if you happen to find that you need support along the way, our global team of compassionate coaches is here to navigate these waters with you. 

One of these beautiful people could be your personal emotional healing champion.

*Limited to folks who haven't yet taken advantage of this offering.

Sending you love. 💛

3 Words for Moving Forward

We have a cool exercise for you, do you want to try it? This one might be nice for after a bath, or during your lunch break. It's an eye-opener, heart supporter, and idea sparker. ✨

With this exercise you will:

• Identify three key needs from the past present and future

• Drain off emotion that is eddying around these needs

• Take a small action to immediately meet a present need

• Begin to design a structure that supports your future self's top need 

There are 3 steps. You'll need this Needs List for each step.

1. Past Need

Looking over the past year, or even the past several years — what is the highest priority need that went largely unmet? What is something you really needed, and did not get enough of?

Can you recall a few scenes from your past to help bring this need into clearer focus? 

Write that top-tier need down.

Step 1 will likely bring up feelings, because unmet needs in our past can bring up uncomfortable feelings in our present. Even if we were to meet this need today, it wouldn't take away the feelings that have come from that need not being met in the past.
 

Past unmet needs can only be addressed by meeting the emotional needs of the present.

So go ahead and name three feelings that are present today, that rise from this unmet need of the past.

• Are you able to stay with these feelings for a bit? 

• Where are they in your body?

• What sensations are there with them?

• What words do they say?

(You can write this part down too.)

Can you stay here, listening to these feelings? Can you breathe into them? Can you open to them and let them move through? 

(This may take several minutes. Crying is normal.)

Good work. You're ready for the next step.
 

2. Present Need

Tune into your present experience, your existence right now in this minute. Can you name a top-tier need from the list? 

How can you tell this is a need? What complaints, noticings, or desires show you that you have this need?

Write this top-tier need down.

Meeting our top needs in the present doesn't take away feelings from the past, but can prevent further activation of new emotion.

That being said, naming your present-tense, top-tier need can bring up additional pre-existing feelings. It's easy to see all the ways in which this need is not getting met. We may be inclined to notice all the ways that the other people in our lives are failing to meet this need. If this is happening for you, see if you can name the feelings you have about this present need not being met.

Are you able to stay with these feelings, just like you did in Step 1?

(You'll know when you're ready to move on. Give yourself time. Crying is normal.)

Now, brainstorm a couple easy ways you can meet this need for yourself. Right now.

Here are some examples.

Need: Ease
• Is there something you can put off until tomorrow?
• Are there leftovers you can heat up instead of cooking?
• Can you switch your tight pants for some comfy ones?

Need: Order
• Can you rewrite your to-do list on a cleaner sheet of paper?
• Want to give the floor a sweep? Or take out the recycling?
• Do you want to print out a calendar for the year and tape it to the fridge?
 

Present-tense needs respond well to emotional processing, and small actions.

Do something that meets your present-tense, top-tier need, and then come back for Step 3.
 

3. Future Need

Now that you've drained off a bunch of feelings, and met at least one of your pressing needs with a small direct action, your neurochemistry is likely primed to be able to consider the future.

If you're going to live into the most magnetic, optimal, successful version of yourself, what is the most essential need that must be met? What is the top-tier need for your future self?

Write this need down.

Are feelings swarming in again? Feeling some worry that you won't be able to meet this need and live into your best self? What a totally normal response! If this is happening for you, go ahead and identify feelings again. Can you name three?

Are you able to take the time to feel these and hear what they have to say? You can use the prompts from Step 1 to do so.

(When some optimism has slipped back in, or at least some hope, you're likely ready to continue.)

What are some foundational or structural changes you can make to meet the top-tier need that your future self is relying on? How can you start to implement them?

Here are some examples.

Need: Community
• Make a list of who you'd like to be in deeper community with. How can you structure your week to overlap with them more?

Need: Authenticity
• What support is available to help you stay regulated and authentic in social and creative pursuits? Is there a course you want to enroll in or a practitioner you'd like to hire?

Need: Trust
• How often do you engage in rituals of trust? Do you need to schedule a time each week to connect with a higher power? Or a time to list all the magical signs you're receiving from the Universe?
 

Future needs are best met with foundational, structural, organizational, action.

You did it!

Now you have:

• A list of 3 key needs

• A sense of what feelings are up for you around these needs

• Ways to be with these feelings

• Actions you can take to meet present and future needs

How was that for you?

Was this exercise useful?

Let us know, we'd love to hear!

---

#1 Money Killer

Are you ready for a funny/not-so-funny story?
 

Once upon a time...

Someone we know came home from the grocery store and set about unpacking the various items from their bags. The next morning she entered the kitchen and gasped!

 All of the fish in their beautiful, large saltwater tank, were dead.

Why?

Well...

She had accidentally stowed the orange juice concentrate in the cabinet above the tank, instead of in the freezer. And the juice that dripped down changed the acidity of the tank, and killed the very expensive inhabitants of that tank.

Why (on Earth??) would someone stow frozen orange juice in the cabinet?
 

Because when humans do life from a Survival State we do really stupid things that cost us lots of time, money, and heartbreak.

When we're in a Survival State we leave our awareness, our bodies, and our "right minds". In Survival Mode it's easy, natural, normal!, to make costly mistakes, like:

• Routinely losing the expensive fob that has to be replaced at the car dealership for $800.

• Buying an $1800 non-returnable couch that doesn't fit the living room.

• Smashing the computer or phone or whatever other fragile and expensive object is nearby.

• Misplacing things and buying a new one just to then find the old one after the new one can no longer be returned.

• Bailing out on a lease and losing the deposit(s).

• Moving too slowly to grab our just right opportunities.

• Moving too quickly to read the fine (and costly) print.

You get the idea.

So much wasted money.

If we want to save ourselves precious time and money, and our tender hearts – we want to know how to work with our brain states so we never get stuck doing life in Survival Mode.
 

Learning the tools to work with these brain states will save us tens of thousands of dollars in a lifetime!

Right now we're gearing up for our once-yearly, world-renowned program called NeuroEmotional Coach Training – and one of the curiosities folks have is, how can I justify an investment in emotional stuff?

And it's just not fair to say to them: Think of all the saltwater aquariums you will save!

NeuroEmotional Coach Training teaches us how to help ourselves and others to move fluidly between brain states, so that we spend more time in an Executive State – which is hella good at money.

When we're processing from this brain state we not only are able to save the money wasted by stupid Survival Brain mistakes and delayed by Emotional Brain stagnancy. We're also able to dream up and follow through on all our smart money ideas, and actually earn more.
 

This is true of all NeuroEmotional work, by the way, not just NeuroEmotional Coach Training, so that's cool!

Just by reading these newsletters and applying the tools you have, you're already helping to set yourself up with financially beneficial brain functionality. Woohoo!

And...
But...
 

If you're interested in this sort of thing, NeuroEmotional Coach Training additionally teaches the skills that can be used to:

• Earn a good living

• Earn additional part-time money

• Earn a higher rate for the services you already offer

• Leverage your time

Really cool.


If you're wondering if this is the year you join us, and increase both your emotional health and your financial health, and want help crunching the numbers, just respond to this email and we'll get you sorted!


Every time we practice what we've learned about brain states, we are that much less likely to lock our keys in the car.

So, cheers to not losing keys! 

Cheers to not killing fish!

Cheers to all the other heartbreaks we avoid through our devotion and diligence to this work!

 

Every investment you make in your emotional health (and the health of others) pays for itself tenfold.

Wondering if you can get in on the financial benefits of NeuroEmotional Coach Training? Then please schedule a complimentary session with us or a member of our team to discuss it by clicking on the button below.

This training starts Jan 22, 2025
(The next opportunity for this training will be in 2026)

What *is* Nervous System Reprogramming Anyway?

Have you ever had your life's work become trendy and get turned into buzzwords that make for beautiful Instagram posts but that also dilute the importance and warp the facts of it?

It sucks!

And... It happens for us a lot.

The latest phrase to be making the rounds these days is:

 

Nervous System Reprogramming

And suddenly everyone's an expert. 

So...

• What is it exactly?

• Why do we want it?

• How do we get it?
   

What is Nervous System Reprogramming?

At the most basic level, to reprogram your nervous system means to change your automatic, habitual, adapted reactions to stimuli. Generally the trend now is in relation to changing how one's nervous system relates to stress, overwhelm, anxiety, and other activating ("trigger") elements of daily living.
 

Why Reprogram Our Nervous System?

Many of us want to respond to regular life stressors with ease, calm, gentility, and flexibility, but find that, despite our best intentions, we react instead with yelling, bailing out, binge drinking or tv watching, sacrificing our own wellbeing for the sake of others, and other problematic behaviors.

If we don't reprogram our nervous systems to find things less activating, we just keep repeating actions and reactions that we don't prefer. This leads to limited personal potential, lost opportunities, self-sabotage, disconnection with ourselves and others, health issues, and other problems.
 

How to Reprogram our Nervous System?

• You watch a 30 second video on social media and voila!

• You buy a 21-day pre-recorded course and you're all done!

Just kidding!!!!!!!!!

Nervous System Reprogramming actually requires the application of the proper techniques, at the right moments, with longterm consistency. And when we combine all three, over time we build new pathways in the brain that translate throughout the nervous system.

It's a bit like this...

We're cruising along the straight and easy road of life...

Then, something stressful happens, and our historical programming kicks in (blocking the way we'd prefer to go), and suddenly we're skidding down the familiar, uncomfortable road of (old) destructive habits.

Nervous system reprogramming starts when we learn new tools to use during stressful moments, and we've practiced them enough that we can employ the right tool at the right (stressful) time.
 

When we do this, we're able to bypass the road of destructive habits.

If we use the right tool each time we come across a stressful moment, every day, throughout the day, for months on end...

We develop a new neural habit.

Our brain recognizes that this is now the more common way that we react, so this new pathway gets myelinated and becomes our new default, automatic reaction – our new programming.

When we lean into Nervous System Reprogramming and keep using our tools, we no longer have to try to avoid stressful moments. We can go anywhere we want, be anybody we want, and do anything we want because our nervous system has new healthy ways of managing.
 

Where to Learn the Tools?

Every single offering through the Center is designed for Nervous System Reprogramming. Choose one of our paths, start on the level that's right for you, and away you go.

The upcoming term of NeuroEmotional Coach Training is an opportunity to...

Support your own Nervous System Reprogramming while learning how to guide clients, partners, children, and anyone else you care about, to set up their nervous system for healthier neural habits!

(And if you don't wind up working with us for this important work, please choose a course that is trusted, comprehensive, and honest. You're worth it!)

We're holding sessions to interview likely candidates for Coach Training. If this is you, now's your chance! And if you have someone in mind that might love this opportunity, please send them this email!


Here's to gorgeous, thriving, flexible nervous systems!

Manifest Best with Brain Science

Happy New Year to you and yours!

All around the globe people are taking a little time to reflect on this last year and start dreaming and planning next year. One of the most classic ways to do this is with a wonderful little booklet by YearCompass.

This is our first year filling one out! We sat in a booth at Butterfly Herbs, sipping on lattes our daughter Echo made, and reflecting together. Dreamy!
And, we couldn't help but notice that the prompts jumped around a little bit neuroemotionally – some prompts invited an Emotional Brain response and then other prompts required an Executive Brain perspective.

Probably no one else in the world noticed this, but as neuroemotional nerds and champions, we sure did!

And, as it turns out, YearCompass welcomes remixes of their journal (as long as no one charges money for it and a couple other restrictions), so that's just what we did!
 

We put together an inspired guide just for you.

We followed their beautiful format, added our own content, and organized it all to follow the flow of neurochemistry.
 

Our goal:

• To help you integrate the ups and downs of the last twelve months. 
   

• Attune your neurochemistry to be a match for your unique, abundant, and optimized vision of next year.

The prompts will aid your success – first focusing on body-based recollections and experiences, then emotion-based events and reviews, and then mind- and spirit-based evaluations, estimations, dreams, and plans.

We call it Endings and Beginnings.

We hope you enjoy!


We're sending it with so much love,
Nathan and Natalie

Fill out on your computer.

---

Print and fold into a booklet.
 

ps. If looking for some guidance for how to print the booklet, try this:

1. Open the PDF (preferably with the Adobe Acrobat Reader app).

2. Click 'Print' to open the printer dialog.

3. Select the 'One page on one side' option.

4. Choose the 'Bind on the short edge' option.

5. Print the booklet.

(If that doesn't work, print page 1, then put it face up in your paper tray and print page 2. Continue in that pattern until all pages have been printed.)

Coming up at the Center for Emotional Education:

11am Pacific, JANUARY 12, 2025 
Building the Entrepreneurial Nervous System – Free workshop for anyone interested in understanding the connections between neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and entrepreneurial success.

10:30am Pacific, JANUARY 20, 2025
Dear EQ, What Do I Do? – Monthly meetup for those seeking emotionally intelligent suggestions for life's difficult problems

1:00pm Pacific, JANUARY 22, 2025
NeuroEmotional Coach Training 2025 – Our foundational once-yearly course for getting certified in Nervous System Reprogramming and NeuroEmotional Coaching.

Is Shyness an Emotion?

How's it going with you? Remembering to breathe?

We hope you're getting to read this in a cozy moment...


We get asked this question a lot:
 

Is shyness an emotion?

Our answer?

You betcha!

There is a common belief that shyness is a character trait – something you're born with or something you inherit. But after nearly 20 years of supporting people to navigate their emotions, we've found that shyness is an emotion like any other and not something we're just stuck with. 

As two people that previously considered themselves "shy", we can attest to the fact that if you have the right tools, you can move with shyness like a pro no matter where you are or what you're doing.

Shyness can be a common experience around the holiday season. Adults and children alike can find themselves loathing family gatherings and the array of holiday events that involve other people.

So let's break it down!

 

How to support yourself or your child with shyness

1. Heightened Shyness

Sometimes the shyness we experience is really strong, strong enough to bring in some Survival reactivity (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Appease).
 

In an adult, Survival Shyness during a holiday gathering might look like:

• FIGHT:

  • Finding fault with the gathering, or the people there!

  • And, even though it's counter-intuitive, some of us try to counteract shyness by being active in conversation, but because of the adrenaline and cortisol in our system, our conversational style comes across as combative.

• FLIGHT:

  • Not even going to the party!

  • Or wandering the perimeter of the party.

  • And, if we enter conversation at all we might steer the conversation away from our ourselves.

• FREEZE:

  • Showing up late to the party! Because we were frozen on the couch and had to force ourselves to get ready.

  • And, if we are roped into a conversation, we say hardly anything at all.

• APPEASE:

  • Working the party! As in literally working – doing dishes, getting drinks, clearing the table, and focusing on others whether we're hosting or not.

  • And, if we stop working long enough to join a conversation, it's to facilitate someone else's conversation.

In a child, this variety of Heightened Shyness during a holiday gathering might look like:

• FIGHT:

  • Finding fault with their outfit, their sister, their seat in the car, the food, the other kids, the activities, etc.

  • You won't see a lot of conversation, but you might hear some yelling.

  • They might refuse to play if they can't be in charge.

• FLIGHT:

  • Dashing out of the room, not staying in one place, having a hard time staying seated at the table, perhaps even hiding.

  • Kids in this mode might only talk in order to ask to leave the party, or to play on a device.

  • They may be able to be coaxed into games without any words, like tag, or hide and seek.

• FREEZE:

  • Staying glued to the parent, wanting to be held, not interacting with other children, maybe even falling asleep.

  • A child frozen with shyness might not talk at all, not even to answer direct questions. 

  • They are unlikely to play.

• APPEASE:

  • Doing all the things they're supposed to do: saying "Please" and "Thank You", finishing their food, clearing their plate, but without any of their spirit or personality shining through.

  • Kids appeasing their way through a holiday gathering will do lots of observing to make sure they're doing it "right".

  • They may play a little but as a follower – doing what the older or more powerful kids want.

What to do with Survival mode?

As an adult we can help ourselves out of Survival reactivity by communicating safety to our body. 

Some techniques for supporting ourselves in Survival Mode are:

• moving slowly

• drinking something warm

• staying warm or cooling down when needed

• eating enough food

• breathing with an exhale that is longer than our inhale

• standing near, or touching someone else that is calm and regulated

As the parent we can help our child move out of Survival reactivity by NOT talking, and communicating safety to their body. 

Some techniques for helping our children out of Survival Shyness are:

• moving our body slowly

• drinking something warm near our child, and making the drink available to them (without asking them if they want it)

• keeping our body warm or cool, and having something at hand for our child to reach for to warm or cool their body (without asking them if they want it)

• eating enough food and making food available to our child (without asking them if they want it)

• breathing with an exhale that is longer than our inhale in the vicinity of our child

• standing near to our child, and touching them in a simple calm way, like a hand on their shoulder (If they are receptive)

• waiting patiently

2. Emotional Shyness

Sometimes the shyness we experience is not strong enough to bring in some Survival reactivity but it's still not enjoyable and can make holiday gatherings more challenging. 
 

Beforehand, in adults and children, Emotional Shyness can sound like:

• Why do we go to parties like this?

• Do we have to go?

• When will it be done?

• Who's going to be there?

• Will I like the food there?

• What do I wear?

• Why do we always have to go to parties?

• Everyone is going to be ______ (fill in the blank).

• Do I have to talk to people?

We can help ourselves and our children out of Emotional Shyness beforehand by:

• Asking them or ourselves how we're feeling – perhaps while getting ready or during the drive to the party

• Naming all the feelings we're noticing – when adults lead the way, the kids will chime in and get feelings off their chest

• Offering them and/or ourselves some empathy for the feelings – even just sounds of understanding work well here

• Touching – we can put our own hand on our hearts and do small little circles, and if they are open to it, we can hold hands with our children, or hug. 

At the party, in adults and children, Emotional Shyness can come across as:

• Awkward

• Quiet

• Not as clever as usual

• Not as bright as usual

• Not as funny as usual

• Not as hungry as usual

• Standing near the edges

• Staying out of conversation

We can help ourselves and our children out of Emotional Shyness during the party by:

• Continuing to check in with ourselves and name feelings. Naming some feelings while we take a bathroom break is a great technique

• Continuing to check-in with our kids when they swing into our orbit, and ask them how they're feeling in that moment

• Continuing to get touch – either keeping our hand on our hearts or finding a loved-one to put an arm around

• Continuing to offer touch throughout the party – saying yes when they ask to sit on our laps, or even throwing out a high-five as they whiz past

Last but not least...
 

Don't forget to enjoy the connection that comes as we move through our feelings and get to enjoy one another even more!

Here's to you and yours! We're cheering for you and envisioning your best holiday season yet.


Much love,
Natalie & Nathan

By the way...

If you:

• like how this sounds

• want to discover more ways to calm shyness or overwhelm

• and move through anxiety

• and cultivate a sense of confidence in yourself and with the people you care about...

You might be a candidate for NeuroEmotional Coach Training!

Why You Don't Do Things

You know those things on your to-do list that you really should do? (Not in a self-flagelating, shamey, shoulding way... but) The things that would really impact your life in a meaningful way, but you still don't do them?

Can you think of your actual things...? 

We all have those things!
And we don't do those things!
Even when we really need to do them, and do them right now.
 

Why don't we do the important things? 

Here's the biggest reason why:
 

The vast majority of us got wired to react to emotion with our Survival System. 

How did that happen?

Well, we were little. Just tumbling about in our little bodies with our not-yet-completely developed Emotional System. And we had some feelings. We couldn't manage those on our own because we didn't have that aforementioned Emotional System built-out yet.

So, naturally, we went to our caregivers and they did the best they could. But for whatever reason it just wasn't quite enough of what we needed most. 

They were busy.
Or stressed-out.
Or mad.
Or not there.
Or well-meaning, but ineffectual.

We were left with the feelings, instead of being given ways to process and offload them. So our Survival System came to our "rescue" to help us get past emotional moments we couldn't process. That happened enough times over the course of our early years that we got trained (among other things) to:

• Fight our feelings

• Flee from our feelings

• Freeze-up and wait for our feelings to pass

• Use Appease to ignore our feelings and focus on others

Fast-forward several years, and when we see that task on our to-do list that invites some feelings, what happens? Our Survival System kicks into hyperdrive again and we:

Find something to rail against – our partners, our kids, the checkout clerk, the slow driver etc. (FIGHT)

• Do anything but the stressful task  – shop, drink, clean out the silverware drawer, etc. (FLIGHT)

• Power off – blank out, numb out, sleep more, etc. (FREEZE)

• Say Yes to other things when we mean No – volunteer for something, drive someone somewhere, host something, etc. (APPEASE)

We're too busy being in Survival Mode to circle back to the list and do the hard or stressful thing that we actually want to be doing.

 

Every single thing we offer, teach, and do here at the Center for Emotional Education is geared toward undoing that programming.

Survival reactivity happens to us all! It's normal and we need it to actually survive. But we don't need it managing our to-do lists, our goals, or our feelings!

At the Center, we're interested in rebuilding nervous systems so that we can come up against emotion, work with it, and then keep right on going, doing all the tasks that build and nurture the life we want for ourselves.

We have 3 pathways one can follow:

• Supporting Self

• Supporting Others

• Supporting Partnership

Which path is right for you right now?


This Friday we're offering Building the Entrepreneurial Nervous System which is an entry point to both the Supporting Self and Supporting Others pathways.

This free workshop is designed for entrepreneurs who know which tasks will grow their business, but their nervous systems won't let them do those tasks.

A business is only as strong as the nervous system(s) behind it.

Let's face it, the Survival System is great at tiger attacks but shitty at business (and everything else that's important).

Whether you're an entrepreneur or not, you deserve a nervous system that works for you, not against you.

Want to join us? You can use the button below to sign up.


Cheering you on as always!

Much love,
Natalie & Nathan

Heal the Entrepreneur, Grow the Business

Sending you lots of love and oomph as you start your week!
(We're making a smoothie and packing lunch.)

Our 30% off sale has two days left and if you can believe it, our...
 

renowned NeuroEmotional Coach Training is included in the sale.

They say if you want personal development then have children or start a business! We think of our training as a way to build your nervous system while building your business. It's a two-fer – personal growth and business growth.

Why not combine neuroscience with emotional processing to deepen your own healing and add a cutting-edge, science-backed modality to your business? 

Our next cohort starts January 22nd.

We're gathering with therapists, acupuncturists, body workers, life coaches, executives, healers, intuitives, teachers, entrepreneurs, and high achievers of all types who need effective, scalable strategies to address both personal and professional challenges.

This is your chance!
 

Use coupon code INCREDIBLE
to get $1,800 off NeuroEmotional Coaching
and your best career move yet.

Sale ends December 3, 2024

They Really Put THIS On Sale?

We hope your week is off to a delicious start!

Guess what!? 🧐

For the first time in the history of the Center for Emotional Education, we're having a...

November, 29 – December, 3 2024

COUPON CODE: INCREDIBLE
gets you 30% off!

 

How's that for a fun announcement?! 🥳 

We've never done anything like this before. But it just seemed like the right thing at the right time...

If you've been wanting to get in on some (more!) of the goodness happening over here at the Center, we hope this will help make it more doable for you right now. (It's an especially amazing opportunity for anyone considering our Certification program...) 

Bottomline – we'd love to team up with you in any way we can!


Many blessings to you and yours,

And as always, we're sending you love,
Natalie, Nathan, and the CEE team

Sale Starts November 29, 2024