Why Your Self-Care Isn't Working

We've been helping folks around the world not just feel better after an upset, but actually get so good at feelings that they rewire their age-old emotional patterns, for almost twenty years now.

So you can imagine we've really clocked what works and what definitely doesn't work when it comes to working with anxiety, overwhelm, irritation, and the like.
 

Want to know the biggest mistake most people make when they're trying to feel better?

Survey says: Relying on self-care alone.

The bubble baths. The weekends away. The workout plans. The eating right. The spa treatments. And all that well-meaning advice like: "You need more 'Me Time'."

or

"You need to take better care of yourself."

Look, we love self-care. We take baths, book massages, and schedule downtime. It feels fantastic.

But here’s the problem:
 

Self-care doesn't process emotion.

When we return from the getaway, our anxiety and overwhelm are waiting for us.
When we step out of that luxurious bath, the irritation jumps back in the moment it has a chance.
 

And yet, so many of us keep thinking:
“If I could just find more time for self-care… I wouldn’t feel this way.”

We thought that too.

For years, we believed if we could carve out more personal time, or be able to afford the things we love, the hard feelings would go away.
 

It's a natural mistake to make, because:

It’s the most common advice!
When we're struggling enough to finally say something out loud about it, most people lovingly, but annoyingly, let us know that we're not “taking care of ourselves” or we're "too busy", and that we need to "prioritize ourself.". 

Plus, self-care feels stupendous!
If we all had the time and money to do nothing but self-care, many of us would! It makes sense that when we're feeling "bad", the antidote is to do something that simply feels good.
 

But any relief we get from self-care doesn't last.

Here’s why:

• Emotion is processed internally, not addressed externally. So while we've moved "away" from the uncomfortable feeling, it's still there waiting for another opportunity to be expressed and integrated.
• Historical feelings and trauma don't care how cozy you get today, they're rising up from your past. In fact, getting more comfortable and at ease if often when historical feelings do come up.
• Self-care is beautiful – but it’s a rest, not a rewire. No amount of self-care in the world will make you better at working with your feelings.
 

So what happens if we keep making that mistake?

👉 We lose time – endless hours trying to nourish ourselves without meaningfully addressing the feelings.
👉 We lose money – self-care costs money, or costs time that could be used to earn money.
👉 We start to depend on getting away from our life just to function.
👉 We get temporary relief, followed by the same old spiral – wondering what’s wrong with us.
 

But when we stop making that mistake?

We can:
✨ Feel good inside our existing life.
✨ Access real relief – whenever we want, even without time or money.
✨ Save our energy for what matters most.
✨ Actually digest the overwhelm, anxiety, and rewire old patterns, for good.

It’s not about giving up self-care. It’s about (also) having the tools to help us actually feel better.
 

Here’s what one of our students shared:

"Before learning this work, I spent so much money trying to feel good. I booked trips, spa days, all the ‘self-care,’ but if I stepped out of my full-time self-care routine, the anxiety came flooding back. Now, I can shift my emotional state anywhere – in social settings, in the middle of parenting, even during hard conversations. My life has really opened up now."

Ready to stop outsourcing your peace to the next bath bomb?

We’d love to team up with you!

Upcoming Opportunities for Effective Support

Monthly Support Program:
Dear EQ, What Do I Do?
Emotionally intelligent ideas for life's challenges.
July 24, 11:30am Pacific

Personal Support:
Book a Complimentary "Feel Better Already" Session with a NeuroEmotional Coach
Openings available now

What really happened at the retreat…

Picture this:

You’re waking to the sound of hummingbirds outside your open window. Their little chirps weave in and out of the gentle hum of waves against the shore on one side and the trilling breeze rustling the jungle on the other..

You sit up to take in the blue horizon, and feel the morning kiss your bare shoulders.

There’s nowhere you need to be, but the saltwater pool is calling your name. 

There's nothing you have to do right now, but some mango and fresh juice sounds delightful.

This is what our retreat was like.

We traveled down the coast by boat from Puerto Vallarta where the high-rises fell away and the indigenous land remained. Protected and preserved by the Spanish settlers since the 1500s – it's as if even the flora and fauna, are relaxed. Sea turtles, dolphins, and whales play their way through the bay. Flowers and palm fronds wave lazily from the shore.

Our boat arrived, where  two rivers meet the sea, at the tiny fishing village of Yelapa. There are no roads for cars. Electricity and mobile phone services are fairly new. And the feel is ancient, welcoming, and gentle.

The cobblestone street from town gives way to mountain rock and beach sand on the walk to Pura Vida Wellness Center. Luggage, food, and any other supplies must be delivered by foot, burro, or tossed from a boat.

When we arrived we were greeted by smiles, a cooling cloth, and lime-basil juice – a delicious hint of the further delights that awaited us.

Every day we gathered around the table - plates heaped with veggies and tortillas made by Mexican matriarchs – sharing stories, sifting through feelings, gazing across the bay and into our hearts.  

We worked earnestly in circle, unpacking some old hurts, and laying the neuroemotional path to new, more easeful, more true selves.

We cried in supported yoga poses.
We raged in the saltwater pool.
We went on team escapades to check for room-dwelling geckos.

We learned how to ease away from over-functioning and over-forcing, and into ourselves, with a kind of reverence and hope most of us had forgotten was possible.

There was a moment — maybe you’ve had one like this — when we each felt the leap in our own heart after someone shared a truth they’d never spoken out loud.

And we just held it. Held that truth. Held each other. And felt the rippling effects tumbling into our futures.

And...
We’re doing it again.

If you've been in Survival Mode for far too long....
If anxiety and overwhelm have taken over...
If you've been working hard to manifest your best life only to find yourself even further down the wrong path...

This next retreat is for you.

We're calling it the
NeuroMagnetic Besties Retreat

An immersive and transformative experience for you and your favorite person:

• To get out of Survival Mode,

• Integrate the challenges of the past, and,

• Leverage this unparalleled NeuroEmotional modality to manifest what you actually want
  (because you can't manifest what your nervous system is currently afraid of...).

April 19-25 2026
Pura Vida Wellness Center
Yelapa, Mexico

If this speaks to you, grab your person, and let's go!!

Email love@centerforemotionaleducation.com with: "Me and my person are interested in the NeuroMagnetic Besties Retreat!" and we'll follow up with you about next steps!
(If you have questions, hit us up with those!)

Going away for deep immersive work with our people is one of our favorite events of the year. It's no exaggeration to say we're already counting the days until we get to be back in Yelapa, at Pura Vida, and hopefully with you and yours!

Can you see yourself there?

---

What folks are saying about our retreats:

"I feel so much gratitude for this retreat!
It was a space where I got to live out some of what I have been learning with repeated opportunities to be practicing in an environment that was regulated and encouraging. I was so thankful to fellow retreat goers who showed up ready to be their complete and vulnerable selves which made our learning so rich and supportive and I came away with some new habits and an action plan which gives me much hope!" ~ N

"The facilitation was as complex as rays of light thru a prism —  with safety, belonging, and deep connection and support woven in .  All needs were met." ~ R

"I got to practice being the person I dream of being while being surrounded with support and unconditional love. It gave me a path forward and helped me believe that becoming who I want to be is most certainly possible." ~ A

High-functioning, low fulfillment?

On a scale of 1 - bad, 6 - fine, to 10 - rad – how would things rate?

We've experienced all points of the scale over the 20+ years Nathan and I have been partnered up. 
In fact, we were just thinking of our "origin story" with neuroemotional work today while we walked to the river.

We were showing up.
We were trying hard.
But underneath it all… something was off.

We weren't where we dreamed of being.

We made it through each day – and though there were highlights, like nature-time, or adorable kid-time, we did not have the sense of having arrived in our true life. It was good-enough. But definitely not the fully vibrant, abundant, and embodied version we all hope for. 

We see this with our clients as well. When they come to us, they are:

• Snapping at the people they love most.

• Longing for deep connection but pushing it away when it shows up.

• Watching time pass in a blur of shoulds, obligations, and Survival Mode.

• Dreaming of a life that feels just out of reach because, somehow, they keep repeating the same old patterns.

We know just what that's like.

The turning point for us came one night at home after watching some shows together. As the escape into someone else's gripping narrative faded, I felt the discontent, disappointment, and despair come pouring back in.

I didn't like anything I saw. Every spot my eyes landed on seemed to glare back as blatant evidence that this. wasn't. it.

We were not doing it right.

We were not living our one precious life well enough.

Have you ever felt that way?

That night on the couch, what would later become our signature support method (the one that has now helped hundreds of people across the world), was in beta, only being used on kid squabbles, but Nathan pulled it out anyway. Recognizing the brain state that I was in, Nathan offered support that was aligned with that specific state. And though we had not remodeled our living room, quadrupled our bank accounts, or made any other real-world changes (all of that would come a little later), by the end of that conversation I felt different.

It was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes.

I turned to Nathan and said: "I want everyone in the world to have that."

Because it was more than just feeling better (which is plenty, am I right?), it was like getting passed the key to the realm I'd always wanted to live in. I felt alive, empowered, powerful, and like my true self. The future, my ideal life, came into view and I could see the path to making it a reality.

And so we brought it to the world.

While changing our own at the same time.

We kept offering ourselves this same signature method every time the feelings poured in, or the automatic reactions kicked on.

And eventually we changed the way our brains function.

Now we aren't living on auto-pilot, just making it through the day. We are truly living, connecting, and designing (almost) every action.

And our brains, our history, our circumstances are no different than anyone else's, we just learned what to do at each neurochemical crossroad.

Because it's not that you’re doing something wrong.
It’s that your nervous system is still doing what it learned to do long ago: Protect. Cope. Repeat.

But protecting and coping isn't good enough, right?

At the Center for Emotional Education, we specialize in helping high-functioning humans unhook from Survival Mode patterns that are silently shaping their lives, so they can finally create what they actually want:

💛 Less anxiety, overwhelm, and stress
💛 More joy, ease, and meaning
💛 A relationship that feels like home
💛 A life that fits who they really are
💛 A nervous system that doesn’t sabotage their best intentions

We provide a practical, neuroscience-backed, emotionally intelligent path toward authentic, connected living.

Not just healing, but rewiring.

Not just knowing better, but living differently.

Because the biggest heartbreak isn’t a single moment. It’s the slow erosion of the life you meant to live.

And you don’t have to keep missing it. There's a new path when you're ready.

🌤️ Emotional Weather Report: June and July

We’re officially in the flush of Summer (in the Northern Hemisphere), and the internal weather system is anything but chill.

It's the season of fire — hot sun, full schedules, high expectations. And while the world tells us now’s the time to relax, for many of us, summer actually stirs the opposite.
 

Here's what we're seeing in the collective nervous system:

– The pressure to do extra
– The strain of "shoulds"
– The mania of holding even more than usual, while pretending it’s “the fun season”

We call it the False Summer Syndrome

The pressure to make the most of the season is real. For many, this means running hot: socially, professionally, and relationally. More obligations. More social interactions. More emotional output. 

It's more than any one person can juggle without some fallout, so here's our...

🧭 Forecast Advisory for Summer 2025:

🔥 Watch for Survival Mode in Flip-Flops
The Survival System doesn't take Summers off, but dysregulation can be more difficult to spot when it's wearing a sundress. Urgency, heightened distraction, over-yessing, and depletion are the signs to look out for.

🌊 Schedule Sobbing
Don’t wait until you're overwhelmed. Give yourself a daily/weekly 10-minute window to "fall apart" on purpose. Play a song that breaks you open. Journal messily. Lie on the floor and sigh.
Bonus optimization: Name actual feelings during your ritual.

🏖️ Hydrate Your Heart
Seek out emotional hydration: people who get it, music that moves it, quiet that nourishes. Look for ways to soften the edges you're navigating. Use your master-level Executive abilities to schedule in greater ease.

Want help navigating your current weather system?

We have many seasonal offerings to support you during this time of year, no matter which side of the equator you're on. Check out the list below!

Summer Support Opportunities

Free Coloring for Kids:
Feeleez Feelings Pages

Sign-up to be on the mailing list of our kids' division and get 25 emotions to color. Great for facilitating feelings expression.

Personal Support:
Coach Sue has two Openings in Her Client Roster

Thursday at 8am and Saturdays at 3pm, Pacific
Book a complimentary "Feel Better Already" session via the link above.

Monthly Support Program: 
Dear EQ, What Do I Do?

Emotionally intelligent ideas for life’s challenges.
 

Boundaries Support:
Better at Boundaries Masterclass

Reshape relationships, enhance self-respect, and reclaim emotional freedom.

Avail yourself! And feel free to share with those you know could benefit. 💛 

Confessions from Sessions

The two of us have been in private practice for almost twenty years now, and as just a teeny sampling, these are some things our clients say in the privacy of a session.

– "I wish my husband didn't freeze up and go blank when I cry."

– "I can't complain to my mom because she'll worry so much that it isn't worth sharing."

– "I wish my wife could tell when I'm upset and help me. Instead she just assumes I'm fine. I'm not fine, I'm just too embarrassed to say something."

– "I want my boyfriend to be able to tell when I actually want help and when I'm just venting!"

– "Why doesn't my dad ask me any questions? If I'm upset he just leaves the room."

– "I want to be able to throw a fit and not have to explain myself!"


These quotes come from people who love their people, but don't love how their people respond to their upsets.

They begged us to make a class that their partner, mom, dad, boyfriend, or friends could take that simply taught them what to do or say.

Because when you're upset, you don't want to have to tell your person how to support you, you just want to be supported.


Maybe you're wondering if your person has ever said any of these things about you.

Maybe they have.

Not because you don't care, but because knowing what to say or do to help, is hard (especially when our person's upset is upsetting to us), and no one taught us any techniques that actually work.

Maybe you've said some of these quotes yourself!

You want support but you don't want to have to teach anyone how to do it. It's not fair to have to be the teacher and the crier at the same time.
 

Maybe you're suddenly desperate for some tips on how to do upset better – either for yourself or to slyly share with your person. 


So here's the basic formula for big upsets:

• Communicate safety

• Manage nervous system activation

And here's the basic formula for medium upsets:

• Invite the upset/complaint

• Reflect the feelings you're hearing

• Offer connection

These formulas can save a struggling relationship or elevate a functioning one.

But it is very easy to f- this up!

Common mistakes include:
– Freezing up
– Confusing a medium upset with a big upset
– Getting too worked up to remember the formula
– Jumping into the fray instead of supporting the fray
– Rushing to fix
– Taking the bait
– Apologizing instead of empathizing
– Accidentally signaling lack of safety (through body posture, breath, or certain eye contact)
– Explaining
– Validating or invalidating the story
– Offering advice
– And way, way more

That's why, after twenty years of clients wishing and begging, we did make this class.

It's called Support Fundamentals.

It starts tomorrow night. 

It's what every relationship has been waiting for.

Registration deadline is tomorrow, Tuesday May 20th, at 3pm Pacific.

We made this for you, and we feel a lot of hope that you and your people just love it. 💛

Everything is recorded and yours to keep forever.

You're Not a Therapist. You're Something Else.

Do you have someone to lean on while everyone else is leaning on you?

The world is full of emotionally intense moments, and most people are winging it when it comes to supporting themselves and/or others.

And whether you're a coach, healer, facilitator, leader, or just that person everyone turns to when things fall apart – you're likely holding a lot of space without enough of a map.

That’s why we created the NeuroEmotional Aide Certification available through Support Fundamentals.

This training equips you with neuroscience-backed, trauma-aware tools to support others emotionally – without becoming a therapist, overstepping your scope, or burning yourself out.
 

But what can you actually do with this credential?

Here’s a breakdown:

For Your Work

1. Amplify Your Current Practice
Coaches, educators, bodyworkers, yoga teachers – this gives you a structured, brain-based way to help clients manage emotional intensity without going into therapy territory.

2. Be the Nervous System Whisperer at Work
HR, DEI, and wellness professionals can use this to shift group dynamics, de-escalate tension, and create healthier, more emotionally intelligent teams.

3. Show Up With More Skill in Healthcare or Tender Spaces
If you’re a doula, nurse, hospice worker, or caregiver, these tools help you support people with presence and precision during critical emotional thresholds.
 

For Your Calling

4. Design Safer Transformational Spaces
Facilitating retreats, masterminds, or community groups? You'll know exactly how to support others at emotional edges without creating harm or collapse.

5. Start or Evolve a Nervous System–Centered Business
Use it as the foundation for your work – or add it to an existing offer. It also opens the door to our Certified NeuroEmotional Coach training.

6. Stand Out with Credibility
NeuroEmotional Aide certification means you're not just “trauma-informed.” You’re trained. You have scope. You’ve got tools. And people feel that.
 

For Your Life

7. Support the People You Love, Without Drowning
Bring co-regulation and confidence into your home life, parenting, or partnership. (Yes, even in the chaos. Especially then.)

8. Become a Rock in Your Community
Mutual aid, grief groups, social justice work – this training grounds your presence so you can support others without burning out or absorbing everything.

9. Speak a New Emotional Language
You’ll understand brain states. You’ll recognize what’s actually happening under the surface. And you’ll be able to meet people where they are, not where you wish they were.
 

This is emotional support for the world as it is – not as it was, and not as we wish it to be.

If you’re (also) someone who knows you're here to ease suffering, nurture growth, and raise the collective frequency…

Then this training might just be your next best step.

Support Fundamentals Basic Details:

A science-based, 8-hour certification course to help you respond skillfully when you or someone else is upset.

You’ll learn how to:

• Identify brain states (Survival, Emotional, Executive)

• Balance the nervous system in real time

• Use precise "language" to de-escalate distress

• Support others without absorbing their emotions

Who it’s for:

Leaders, service providers, caregivers, educators, coaches, and anyone who supports or wants to support others.

Format:

Live on Zoom, over 4 sessions

Dates: May 20, 27, June 3, 10

Time: 5-7pm Pacific/8-10pm Eastern

Tuition: $550

Certification (optional): Additional $200 for written exam + credential

Outcome:

💥 Leave with a toolkit you can apply immediately – in work, leadership, and life.

🧠 Certification available as a NeuroEmotional Aide.

How Well Do You Score?

Are you being met in ways that feel good and helpful? We hope so, because that's the theme of this newsletter! ☺️

We've got eight scenarios to run by you, these are common profiles of human upset, and only a few people know what to do in these situations. Do you?

Let's find out!

Scoring

For each scenario described...

• Give yourself 1 point if you can think of something to do or say in response.

• Give yourself an additional point if you have tried this and it helped the other person find relief, connection, or deescalation.

16 points available, how many do you score?

Level One: Medium Difficulty

Scenario 1
You walk into the room and you see a person you care about crying. Their shoulders are rounded forward, their face is flushed. You inquire as to what's going on and they say:
"Oh nothing, don't worry about it. I'm just having a moment. I got some bad news today and I can't stop thinking about it. I just don't know what to do. I'll be alright, I'm just so sad." [more crying]

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They have a sense of being heard, understood, and connected with. They let more tears out and feel relief.)

Scenario 2: 
Someone close to you is trying to figure something out and they can't. They start sighing heavily, shove their project away, throw their hands up, and storm around the room. When you inquire, they say:
"It's not working! I don't know what to do. It's supposed to work, but it isn't. I've tried everything, and nothing works. F#@$!"

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They start speaking more slowly, their body and face become calmer, they perhaps get re-inspired about their project.)

Scenario 3:
A person in your group is concerned about a number of things that could go wrong in the group's next venture. They keep listing all the negative possibilities, again and again. When you inquire, they say:
"What? I'm just trying to cover our bases! Someone has to. I mean, we've never done this before. Have we thought of everything? Are you sure we're ready? I think we should have fun, but let's not be foolish. Let's go over the plan one more time. Does everyone know the plan?"

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They stop making the list, they visibly get softer in their countenance, they have a sense of being supported and understood.)

Scenario 4:
Someone close to you is verbally beating themselves up about a mistake they made. They have a scowling expression on their face and can't seem to talk or think about anything else. When you inquire with them, they say:
"I was just so stupid! I can't believe I did that. Who does that?... I do, I guess. What an idiot." 

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (Their countenance lifts, they stop trying to convince you that they're an idiot, they seem lighter, maybe even laughing or having some compassion for themself.)

Level Two: High Difficulty

Scenario 5:
A person in your household is stomping around and finding fault with almost everybody and everything. When you try to address this with them, they say:
”WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? THEY ARE THE ONES MESSING UP ALL MY STUFF! I'm just minding my own business and they keep taking my stuff and getting in my way! You should be yelling at THEM!"

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They soften enough to stop being loud. They may not feel light and happy, but they're no longer blaming others, and they're leaning in for support.)

Scenario 6:
Someone close to you keeps buzzing around the room, or leaving the room, or getting on their phone. They're moving so fast that they keep dropping things and knocking things over. It's a frantic energy that you don't enjoy. When you say something to them, they say:
"What are you even saying? I just have a lot going on! And you're actually making it worse right now. I'm sorry, but I don't have time to answer whatever your questions are. You're going to have to deal with it on your own."

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They slow down. They take a deep breath. They're not necessarily warm and communicative yet, but they're coming back to a shared reality.)

Scenario 7:
Someone you care about has been on the couch for many hours. They alternate between the tv, their phone, and napping. When you ask them what's going on, they say:
"Nothing...?"

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They stand up. They start talking a little bit. They take some sort of action. They're not necessarily lit-up yet, but they're coming back to life.)

Scenario 8:
Someone you care about keeps trying to get involved in your business. They mean well, but it's too much. They keep asking questions, sending links, offering advice, dropping by, volunteering to run your errands or pick up your kids. It's not that you couldn't use help, but their vibe is so intense. When you try to address it, they say:
"Oh I'm so sorry! Am I too much? Gosh, I'm so sorry. [Crying] I just love you so much, and feel so bad for what you're going through. Are you mad at me? Do you still love me? Please don't be mad at me."

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They chill out. They stop crying. Their voice drops an octave and their words slow down. They are able to hear what you're saying (and what you're not saying) and start understanding your position.)

Okay! 
Maybe you want to take a deep breath...?
Stretch a little bit?
Take a sip of your water?

It can be stressful just imagining those kinds of upsets!

How did you do?

How many points did you give yourself? Do you know what to say or do in situations like this? Do your responses work to increase ease and connection?

If you scored low, take solace in the fact that most people don't know what to do or say in situations like this! We are not taught emotional support skills in school! (Unfortunately!)

That's why we built our course Support Fundamentals.

People have been asking us for years to put together...
 

A simple primer on exactly what to do or say when we or someone we love is upset.

This course is short and to the point.
It takes place online, in the evening, so anyone can partake.

If you scored high, good on ya! Maybe you should have a certificate that proves how awesome you are at supporting people! With Support Fundamentals you have the option of enrolling in a written test afterwards and receiving certification as a NeuroEmotional Aide.

In any case, let us know how you did with these scenarios! We'd love to hear from you

🫂 Support in the Age of AI 🤖

If you’ve ever found yourself leaning on ChatGPT (or any AI tool) for emotional support – you’re not alone.

The world is shifting. Fast.

And more and more of us are turning to artificial intelligence to help us think, feel, and even heal.

If we want to navigate the current emotional support landscape with as much wisdom and self-nurturing as we can, there are aspects to this trend that might be worth a closer look.

So let's dive in!
 

ChatGPT vs Friend vs NeuroEmotional Coach 

ChatGPT
Strengths:

• Fast, nonjudgmental advice and emotional reflection

• 24/7 availability

• Excellent for brainstorming, educational support, and self-reflection prompts

Limitations:

• No emotional body (no real-time co-regulation or emotional resonance)

• Cannot feel nuance in tone, facial expression, or nervous system shifts

• No lived relational presence

A Friend or Partner
Strengths:

• Emotional connection and shared history

• Can offer comfort, belonging, loyalty

• Natural relational attunement (to the degree of their skill and regulation)

Limitations:

• May lack the training to hold nonjudgmental space effectively

• Can accidentally project, rescue, or dismiss emotions

• Their own emotional state can interfere with their ability to help

• They may unknowingly reinforce old coping patterns

A NeuroEmotional Coach
Strengths:

• Trained to offer emotionally and psychologically safe, attuned, skillful space

• Co-regulates and supports rewiring of Survival/Emotional patterns

• Provides personalized nervous system strategies for change

• Tracks progress and fosters empowered, sovereign healing

Limitations:

• Scheduled availability (vs. always-on like ChatGPT)

• Investment of time, energy, and money (for deeper payoff)

Why ChatGPT Feels So Supportive

Language mimicry: GPT models (especially 4 and 4.o) are trained on billions of human interactions. They pick up the patterns of warm, empathic language – things like "That sounds really hard" or "I'm here with you."

Attention simulation: ChatGPT "stays with you" in a conversation without interrupting, invalidating, or steering away from hard feelings – unlike many real-world humans.

Nonjudgmental tone: Because GPT doesn't have an ego or personal discomfort, it can offer unconditional positive regard in tone much more reliably than the average untrained human.

And here are some important differences:

No somatic attunement: True emotional presence isn’t just about words – it’s about felt, living, energetic, and physiological co-attunement. A human coach feels your micro-shifts: your breath slowing, your eyes tearing, your voice catching. They adjust in real time: slowing their own breath, softening their gaze, shifting tone based on your nervous system, not just content.

No limbic resonance: AI can mirror words, but it cannot resonate with emotion.

No embodied safety signals: A real being emits vagal, hormonal, micro-expressive, and even electromagnetic signals that a nervous system can register subconsciously as “I am safe here.”

Variable emotional tone: Because ChatGPT generates responses probabilistically (meaning it selects word patterns based on likelihood, not emotional attunement), you might get one answer that's warm and validating, and another answer to the same question that’s overly logical, detached, or even slightly misattuned.

Shifting conceptual frames: You could ask "What should I do when I feel overwhelmed?" – and one time it might emphasize mindfulness, another time it might emphasize productivity hacks, and a third time it might suggest therapy or medication.

No repair mechanism: If a human coach misattunes – and says something that doesn’t land – they can feel it in your reaction (facial expressions, micro-movements, energy shifts) and adjust and repair  in real time. ChatGPT can’t perceive emotional ruptures, and therefore can’t initiate repair, which is a critical component of building secure attachment and healing relational wounds.

In short:
✅ ChatGPT can simulate a supportive conversation through warm words, steady attention, and the invitation for you to keep being with yourself and your process in the interaction.
❌ ChatGPT cannot provide real emotional co-regulation, because it cannot feel, resonate, or repair.

The Hidden Costs of Over-Relying on AI

Attachment without true co-regulation: The nervous system doesn’t receive actual embodied co-regulation, so the deeper emotional needs for limbic connection and somatic safety stay unmet – even though it feels like they’re being met.

Reinforcement of isolation: If AI feels “good enough,” people may seek less real human connection, leading to deeper social withdrawal and relational atrophy.

Inconsistent emotional safety: As we mention already, ChatGPT's variability can cause micro-ruptures in perceived emotional safety without repair – unintentionally reinforcing destabilization and vigilance.

Dependency without growth: In some cases, people could become emotionally dependent on the instant responsiveness of AI without developing the patience, understanding, and relational skills authentic human interaction requires (like waiting, tolerating misattunement, self-regulating through minor emotional bumps, etc.).

In short:
✅ ChatGPT can offer moments of comfort and reflection when human support is out of reach.
❌ ChatGPT cannot build real attachment, co-regulation, or relational growth – and over-reliance can quietly deepen isolation, emotional tenderness, and disconnection.

Here at the Center, we think it's awesome that ChatGPT (and AI generally) can approximate emotional presence with its words – because that gives people some degree of felt support when real humans aren't available, or when the humans that are available can't.

But for deep healing and nervous system rewiring, there’s no substitute for another highly-skilled, regulated human being.

Wondering what to do now?

Perhaps a beautiful combination!
 

• Use AI wisely: Let it assist, not replace your human village.
   

• Connect with real humans: Even when it's slower, harder, or less perfect.
   

• Seek skilled relational support: Coaches, therapists, spaces that truly  honour nervous system healing.
   

• Strengthen your relational muscles: Patience, rupture tolerance, vulnerability, repair.

We want you to have ALL the support, in all its beneficial forms. You don’t have to choose between tech and connection. You can have both.

You deserve it!

✨ Asking for Help Can Be Tricky, eh?

Are you experiencing April flowers or showers at the moment?

Seems every season brings its challenges, and this one is no different. How are you at asking for or receiving help during challenging times?
 

We've been thinking about those moments when someone says:
“Let me know how I can support you,” and you go completely blank.

Or worse –

You say “I’m fine” when you’re definitely not, because the idea of explaining what you actually need feels like more work than just powering through on your own.

It sucks when that happens.
 

We’ve been having a lot of conversations lately with folks in this exact spot – high-functioning humans whose nervous systems are quietly frequenting Survival Mode, even as they keep showing up, producing, leading, parenting, and helping.
 

And asking for or receiving support is off the table, because: 

When we’re in that low-key shutdown, or revved-up, hyper-managing state – our brain’s ability to recognize, articulate, or receive support short circuits.

Even if we work hard at "being better at receiving support", if we're in a Survival state or don't know what to ask for, all that work is for naught. And once again, we find ourselves getting burned out, while burning up with resentment.

In situations like these, you might think that getting your person to learn better support skills, is the answer. You'll wonder: "Should I ask them to go to therapy with me?" or "Should I get them to take a class?"... 

Probably not.

Because, let's face it. if anyone is likely to take a(nother) deep dive into therapy, or a(nother) class, it's you!

Not them. 

The record likely shows that poking, prodding, demanding, hopefully suggesting, and passively wishing, have so far not moved them to learn new support skills, right?

Luckily there's a(nother) way forward. Where you get what you need and want without becoming something you're not.
 

We created Support Fundamentals to teach exactly this:

• How to recognize which version of you is in the driver’s seat.

• What support actually lands – and how to offer it, or ask for it.

Some of the most supportive people we know are quietly starving for the kind of support they don’t know how to ask for. 

After this class, you'll know exactly what to say when someone asks how they can help you.

When offered those well-intentioned, but utterly useless efforts, like:
   • Attempts at fixing
   • Exaggerative responses that steal the show
   • Devil's advocate positions
   • Bright-siding
   • Unwelcome spiritual guidance
   • And the like...
You'll be able to compassionately redirect their efforts toward responses that actually work for the neurochemical brain state you find yourself in.


And, if your person does actually want to learn some new support skills? We've got you covered! We have a secret 2-for-1 special going for a little while longer. Just reply to this email, and we'll hook you up!

7 Classic Support Fails 😬

Perhaps an odd-seeming question, but – have you eaten anything yummy and fortifying yet today? Or have you hugged a close person or animal yet today?

We sure hope so! (Being the nerds we are, we know how useful these practices are for optimal "neurochemical maintenance". But they're also just great parts of life!)

Today, we're bringing you a list of the 7 classic ways people tend to botch a potentially connective emotional moment. Check them out, and then let us know:
 

• Which of these have you experienced before?

• Which of these have you "committed" before?
  
   

Seven Classic Support Breakdowns:

1. Fixing

Scenario: Things went bad today. You stubbed your toe, your car wouldn't start, the main thoroughfare is under construction and that made you late, and you also didn't sleep well the night before. 

You: [Tell your person all about it.]

Your person: "Why didn't the car start? Did you check the oil? I've been taking Main Street all the way to Pacific Avenue, you should try it. Do you want to take my melatonin tonight? You need your sleep. Maybe go back to that Yin yoga routine before bed?"

Result: They engage in superficial talk about factual details. No connection, no empathy, no understanding, no release. You don't feel better.
 

2. Stealing

Scenario: Some bad stuff happened, and things didn't go the way you hoped.

You: [Share it with your person.]

Your person: "OH MY GOD! This is terrible! [Crying] Oh no, oh no, oh no. Can you get me my purse? I need to take my meds. This is going to kill me. Why is god punishing me? I just want you to be happy and this is what we get???"

Result: They steal the scene and now you have to support them. When this happens routinely, you stop sharing anything "triggering" and your support circle shrinks. You don't feel better.
 

3. Defending

Scenario: You notice something you don't like and that needs addressing.

You: [Bring it up with the person.]

The person: "I really don't appreciate how you're talking to me about this. I didn't do/say that! You're always tracking my "faults" but I do everything around here. So if I made a so-called mistake, which I didn't, it's only because I'm wiped out doing all the other things you want me to do or say. Am I ever going to be good enough for you?"

Result: No resolution, no addressing of the issue, no mutual understanding or collaboration. The more times you hear this kind of defense, the more likely you are to stuff your preferences and simmer in invisible resentment. You don't feel better.
 

4. Brightsiding

Scenario: You're bumming about something.

You: [Tell somebody about it.]

That somebody: "I'm so sorry to hear that. But at least you have the weekend to take it easy and relax, right? Plus, you're so good at figuring things out, I'm sure you'll be "back in the saddle" and working new magic in no time. And your kids, they're all doing so great! You're amazing. You're going to be fine."

Result: You go along with their encouragement because you know they mean well and they don't want to see you upset, and you stop talking. You note to yourself that this person "doesn't really get it". You don't feel better.
 

5. Cricketing

Scenario: Something's on your mind.

You: [Wait for just the right opportunity to share it with your person.] 

Your person: [[*crickets*]]

Result: You say "Did you hear what I said?" and repeat yourself. Your person shows annoyance and impatience and says that yes they heard you, but what did you want them to say? There's nothing they can do about the issue. You feel frustration, throw up your hands, and go cry in the other room and decide that "something has to change". You don't feel better.
 

6. Ride-or-Dying

Scenario: Something happened that wasn't cool.

You: [Report it to your person.]

Your person: [more pissed than you] Are you kidding me?! That's unacceptable. You can't be treated that way! Are you going to talk to them? Did you stop payment on your check? You have to do something! Are you going to let them just roll right over you?

Result: Similar to the Stealing scenario, this moment has become more about them than about you. But in this case, if you don't react the way they think you should, then there will be conflict between the two of you. You wind up wishing you hadn't said anything. You decide it's better to handle things, even hard things, quietly, alone. You don't feel better.
 

7. Spirit-Guiding

Scenario: You've noticed something about a person in your life, and you're bothered by it.

You: [Bring it to the person in your life that seems to know about "inner work" and human psychology.]

That person: "Oh babe, yesssssss. I've done a lot of work on this. Girl, you're getting into shadow work! I'm so proud of you! Everything you don't like in that person is a reflection of what you don't like in yourself. It's time to dig in and get really real with yourself. Here, I'll send you a link to this amazing podcast. You'll love it.

Result: You smile and pretend like you're going to listen to the podcast. You leave the conversation with a sense of defeat, like there's just more "work" to do. You don't feel better.

So what's the verdict? Do any of these scenarios feel familiar?

These conversations are so common, and though often well-intentioned, they never deliver beneficial results!
 

That's why we created Support Fundamentals.

It's high-time we all had a simple primer to know exactly what to do when someone we care about is upset!

And because your person sometimes falls into the trap of one of these 7 common fails...
 

Ready to finally know how to support yourself and your people during difficult times?

We've got you.

🌬️ Emotional Weather Forecast: April & May

How is this time of year unfolding for you?

We've noticed the seasons are shifting. And so are we.

In fact, around this time each year (in the Northern Hemisphere, where we remain ever 6-months behind and chasing our more Southern friends), we start to see a familiar mix:

• The Survival System revving up with Spring’s return

• The Emotional System aching with old griefs that bloom like new wildflowers

• The Executive System trying to rally – but still running on Winter’s low battery

We call this The Tension of Emergence.

Here’s what we’re seeing in the collective nervous system right now:
 

🌪️Swirly Energy: Feeling Everything, All at Once

Big dreams. Big longing. Big worry.
Many of us are swinging between expansion and collapse.

We suggest: Ground before you grow.
Regulation isn’t a holdup – it’s the foundation.
Try tuning into your body. Can you intentionally feel every single body part? Regularly repeating this practice aids us in withstanding the polarities of our emotions.
 

🧷Appease Mode is Sneaking in More

Many of us might notice ourselves subtly shape-shifting to keep the peace, avoid disappointing others, or to stay connected – even if it costs us.
This is the work of overactive amygdalae, and the drive to find some form of social safety.

We recommend: Pause before you please.
Let's not race to say yes to everything and fill the quarter's calendar.
Try delaying scheduling or answering requests until the urgency has left your body, and there's time to tune into what's right.
 

🐍Old Stories are Molting

Many of us yearn to shed identities we have outgrown – parenting styles, leadership strategies, even spiritual frameworks.
The discomfort isn’t failure – it's evolution.

We propose: Feeling before peeling (back the layers).
The stories we tell ourselves about our identities serve the purpose of pulling stored emotion to the surface.
Try exploring the feelings that come up with an identity shift, and then look for aligned next steps.
 

🧭 Forecast Summary:

• Feelings may be more vivid than usual 🌀

• Boundaries will feel both necessary and hard to hold 🤲

• Emotional exploration might be high risk but definitely high reward 📈
   

Your Tools for the Season:

☁️ Keep returning to your body to communicate safety to your nervous system.
🌿 Buy time for regulation and reflection before responding.
🔥 Give your feelings attention and processing so they don’t decide who you are.
 

Want help navigating your current weather system?

We have many seasonal offerings to support you during this time of year, no matter which side of the equator you're on. Check out the list below!

Spring Support Schedule

Free Workshop:
Building the Entrepreneurial Nervous System

Become who your mission needs you to be. 
April 17th, 11am Pacific

Personal Support:
Coach Kate has an Opening in Her Client Roster

Wednesdays at 7:50am Pacific

Monthly Support Program: 
Dear EQ, What Do I Do?

Emotionally intelligent ideas for life’s challenges.
April 21, 11:30am Pacific
 

New Certification:
Support Fundamentals

Learn how to support yourselves and others in difficult times
4-Week Course: May 20, 27 and June 3, 10, at 5pm Pacific

Avail yourself! And feel free to share with those you know could benefit. 💛 

The Anti-Aging Protocol You're Not Using Yet

Have you been following the recent movement around longevity? 

A core concept of this movement is the idea that death is a disease, and that we can actually find a way to reverse the negative effects of aging. 

We watched the Netflix documentary about this, called Don't Die,  and immediately emailed Bryan Johnson's team. Because even though his regimen is ridiculously optimized, studied, and researched, it's still missing a key ingredient:
 

Nervous System Agility!

As you already know, here at the Center for Emotional Education, we help people develop nervous system agility using our NeuroEmotional framework. We teach folks to learn to move fluidly between Survival, Emotional, and Executive brain states — reducing chronic stress, improving neurochemical balance, and fostering optimal functionality.
 

But did you know nervous system agility also slows down aging?

Here's how:

🧠 Reduces Allostatic Load

Chronic stress accelerates aging at a cellular level and interrupts normal autonomic activity in the body. Our methods shift people out of chronic stress and Survival states, restoring and enhancing autonomic performance, preserving longevity at a nervous system level.
 

🔬 Optimizes Neurochemical Functioning

We teach tools to actively manage neurotransmitters like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, but also GABA, acetylcholine, norepinephrine, and endocannabinoids — all critical for cognitive longevity, emotional well-being, and ideal system-wide operation.
 

🧭 Enhances Executive Brain Access

Just as metabolic flexibility is essential for physical longevity, brain state flexibility is essential for cognitive, emotional, and psychogenic longevity. Our approach helps people sustain higher Executive function, creativity, and adaptive problem-solving over a lifetime.
 

💛 Improves Relationship Health

Longevity isn’t just about individual optimization — it’s also about the quality of our connections. We teach people how to create more emotionally safe environments and habits that foster healthier, more sustainable relationships.


Let's face it, even if we're not trying to live forever (we're not!), most of us want to live the days we do have, really well. 

So in addition to all the cool anti-aging stuff like smoothies, collagen,  red lights, UV lights, creatine, exercise, electrolytes, etc., etc., we can also add in a quick NeuroEmotional Protocol anytime we think of it!

10 – 3 – 1
Quick NeuroEmotional Protocol for Anti-Aging

• 10 Breaths  – Take quick-ish full inhales, long slow exhales all the way out.
   

• 3 Emotions – Name three feelings you are having out loud to yourself.
   

• 1 Action – Determine one tiny action you can take right now that is self-nourishing or meets another important need
  

If you want to learn more about nervous system agility, and even pick up a Certification while you're at it, check out our upcoming course, Support Fundamentals.

And whether you're super invested in performance and future-forward human design, or simply want to live your good life even better, we're cheering you on!

🌏 Tools for Navigating a Divided World

Do you have the sense that conflict is everywhere?

Whether it's small conflict (like deciding to stop for Dunkin' Donuts or not) or big conflict (like deciding to withdraw from international territories or treaties or not), our nervous system gets jacked up!

Many of us we just want to stick our heads in the sand and cross our fingers that it will pass.

Yet that's not really an option is it?

Life keeps going forward and important decisions, actions, and relationships can't be neglected.

When we're navigating a difficult conversation with a colleague, a challenging discussion with a loved one, or simply trying to maintain our sense of safety in the face of external chaos – staying clearheaded and in connection can seem completely out of reach.

But what if there were practical tools we could use to navigate these moments with confidence and grace? 

What if we knew what to do when internal or external conflict arises?

In our new certification training, Support Fundamentals, we double down on the idea that learning to help yourself and others during difficult times is not just possible – it’s essential for creating the environment, family, and world we want to live in.
 

Here are a few practical tips to get started:

1. Buy Yourself Some Time

• When you're in a moment of conflict it can be ridiculously difficult to maintain your cool and say or do the thing that will ease the tension. So instead of acting right away (which will likely just increase the emotional intensity), buy yourself a few moments by:

  • Having some phrases at the ready, like:
    "Hmmm. I'm not sure what I think or feel about that..." or 
    "Let me feel into that and get back to you..." or
    "I need a second/minute to sit with what's coming up for me around this before I respond."

  • Sportscasting (reflecting back what you're hearing):
    "You're saying sweet pickles are the worst and only weirdos eat them..."
    "I hear ______ and _______ (things that they said). Am I tracking that appropriately?"
    "So just to make sure I'm understanding you right — (summary of what they just shared)... Do you want to say more about ______?"

2. Check on Your Toes

• Sometimes conflict is so uncomfortable that we swing into Survival Mode and find ourselves fighting, avoiding, freezing up, or trying to fix the issue instead of finding connection around the conflict.
   

• A simple way to pull ourselves out of Survival mode is to orient to what our body is doing. Wiggling our toes, or finding sensation in any other body part can help us shift into a state that can more gracefully navigate the conflict – no matter what the conflict may be.

3. Speak Brain

• When emotions run high, our neurochemistry can get pretty tweaked! The most common communication mistake during conflict is to keep trying to argue and convince logically even though the logical part of our partner's brain has completely shut down. 
   

• Our trainings do a deep-dive on how to Speak Brain, but as an intro, try this:

  • When conflict gets heated and loud, use very few, or no words at all. Instead breathe, drink some water, and just nod to indicate you're listening.

  • When the conflict gets entrenched and one or both parties is repeating themself, see if you can determine what feelings are behind the arguments. Try having empathy for the feelings even if you disagree with the position.

4. Prioritize the Relationship, not the Issue

• Not all conflicts can be resolved in the moment. If the relationship is meaningful to you and you want to nourish it, after you've tried steps 1-3 above, you can circle back later for another round of connection and communication. Investing in the relationship above and beyond the issue of conflict means that you will continue cultivating the trust and connection necessary to see a topic through.

5. You Don't Have to Be the Hero

• Sometimes we have the Resilience and Capacity to invest the time and energy needed to stay in connection, shift brain states, and negotiate a resolution, and sometimes we don't!
  
  It's okay to pick our battles
   

• When we have the ability to engage, and it's right for us, we can use our tools and make an effort. But when we don't have the ability, interest, or time to engage in a particular conflict, we want to avoid the tendency of leaning into self-sacrifice and trying anyway. Instead it can be useful to lovingly step away, tend to ourselves, and reassess.

How do these tips land for you?

Do you use some already?

Are you interested in trying others?

Let us know! We'd love to hear.
 

And, these tips are just the beginning... 

In Support Fundamentals, we give you the cutting-edge, neuroscience-backed playbook for managing conflict — helping you know exactly what to do when you or someone you care about is upset.

If you’re tired of not knowing what to say or do, and you're ready to step into your competence and confidence around conflict, we invite you to join us.

🐣 Early Bird Special
ends March 31, 2025

Use coupon code: AWESOME to get $100 off enrollment

DETAILS:

Investment: $550 (add an optional $200 exam fee for those seeking a certification)

8-hour Certification Program

A science-based training program designed to help you respond effectively when someone is emotionally activated. In just 8 hours over 4 weeks, you'll learn how to regulate emotional states and become a Certified NeuroEmotional Aide. 

• Assess Brain States: Quickly identify if someone is in a Survival, Emotional, or Executive state.

• Regulate the Nervous System: Learn techniques to lower activation and re-establish calm.

• Targeted Communication: Use precise "language" to help shift out of dysregulation.

• Rapid-Response Skills: Interrupt emotional overwhelm and escalation.

• Enhanced Cognitive Function: Boost Executive functioning for better problem-solving and performance.

• Certification: Official recognition with an option to complete a written exam for certification.

• Flexible Format: Live online evening sessions, perfect for busy professionals and caregivers.

Course begins May 20, 2025

If you want to go from "Uuhhhh" to "No duh" when it comes to knowing what to do with upsets, this is for you. Check out the button above if you're ready to sign up, or the button below if you want to find out more!

And in any case, please feel free to pass this on to anyone you know could use it. It's rough out there, and lots of us could benefit from having more tools. 😉

It's Here! Get Certified with Support Fundamentals!

Have you ever been in a situation where someone was upset, and you weren’t sure what to say or do? 

Well, you're not alone.

Folks have been asking us for years for a simple guide to help themselves and others in difficult times. And now we've done it!

The long-awaited, much-anticipated, and direly needed...

Because times are hard.

And we do get upset.

And it's just the worst when you don't know what to do to help yourself or someone else get through it.
 

With Support Fundamentals it means:

This is a course designed to teach you how to respond effectively when emotions run high. Whether you’re a leader, coach, parent, or partner, this course gives you a clear, actionable framework for navigating emotional moments with efficacy, confidence, and care.
 

You’ll learn:

• Step-by-step techniques for de-escalating emotional distress
   

• How to support someone without fixing, dismissing, or absorbing their emotions
   

• The key to holding space while maintaining your own emotional boundaries
   

• Practical tools to cultivate safety, connection, and trust in any relationship
   

• Option to earn a certification that validates your ability to provide meaningful emotional support

This isn’t just another theory-heavy course — it’s real-world, practical, and ready to transform the way you show up in moments that matter.

Enroll in Support Fundamentals and you'll know exactly what to do when you or someone you care about is upset.

Details:

Investment: $550 (add an optional $200 exam fee for those seeking a certification)

8-hour Certification Program

A science-based training program designed to help you respond effectively when someone is emotionally activated. In just 8 hours over 4 weeks, you'll learn how to regulate emotional states and become a Certified NeuroEmotional Aide. 

• Assess Brain States: Quickly identify if someone is in a Survival, Emotional, or Executive state.

• Regulate the Nervous System: Learn techniques to lower activation and re-establish calm.

• Targeted Communication: Use precise "language" to help shift out of dysregulation.

• Rapid-Response Skills: Interrupt emotional overwhelm and escalation.

• Enhanced Cognitive Function: Boost Executive functioning for better problem-solving and performance.

• Certification: Official recognition with an option to complete a written exam for certification.

• Flexible Format: Live online evening sessions, perfect for busy professionals and caregivers.

Course begins May 20, 2025

If you want to go from "Uuhhhh" to "No duh" when it comes to knowing what to do with upsets, this is for you. Check out the button above if you're ready to sign up, or the button below if you want to find out more!

And in any case, please feel free to pass this on to anyone you know could use it. It's rough out there, and lots of us could benefit from having more tools. 😉

Energy ≠ Energy in Motion 🫢

You’ve probably heard the popular adage before: “Emotion is just energy in motion.” It sounds poetic, even intuitive. But it’s not the whole story. And for many of us, it confuses things rather than clearing them up.

The concept that emotions are just stuck energy isn't based on neuroscience, it's based on some catchy word play from a famous self-help author.

Emotions aren’t just forces moving through you like a current that needs to be discharged. They’re brain-generated interpretations of what's happening inside you and around you — shaped by context, personal history, and brain state. Sometimes they need movement, sometimes they don’t.
 

This matters, because if we believe emotions are just “energy that needs to move,” we might chase ineffective solutions — thinking we simply need to "release" something, or just dance it out, or exercise harder. But real emotional mastery comes from understanding how emotions truly work.

Let’s break it down:

💡 5 Reasons This Myth Needs to Go:

❌ 1. Emotions aren’t forces that need to “move.”

The brain doesn’t just store emotions like a battery holding a charge. It activates an experience of them in real time, based on our reaction(s) to stimulus, our emotional concepts, our personal history, and the stories we tell. Emotions are dynamic experiences that help us conserve our resources and make meaning, not stagnant energy just waiting to be pushed through.

❌ 2. Survival mode blocks emotional awareness.

When our nervous system goes into Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease, it doesn’t say, “Let’s process some emotions!”.  Instead, it prioritizes immediate survival — which means shutting down emotional processing for our protection. If emotions were just energy, we’d always experience them in the same way, but we don't. Sometimes we're not present to them at all...

❌ 3. Stillness doesn’t erase emotion.

If motion were necessary for emotion, stillness would mean no emotions. But anyone who has ever been frozen in grief, spiraled into anxious thoughts while lying in bed, or felt numb but not at peace knows — motion isn’t the determining factor. Our emotional experience depends on what our brain constructs, not our level of movement.

❌ 4. You don’t always need to “release” emotions for them to resolve.

While emotions can build up and max out our capacity to process them, the answer to that build-up is not always dumping. According to contemporary neuroscience, emotions shift when our brain updates its predictions. Sometimes, the right input — safety, context, or connection — is all that’s needed for an emotion to change.

❌ 5. “Stuck emotions” aren’t just trapped energy — they’re trauma.

Trauma doesn't stay unresolved because energy is trapped — it’s because the brain hasn’t updated its safety map. When heightened reactivity and sensitivity persist, it’s usually because the nervous system is still perceiving threat, even when the threat is gone. The solution isn’t just to move energy — it’s to correct the prediction and rewire the adaptation.
 

✨ A More Accurate View of Emotion:

Emotions aren’t just something to move through — they’re experiences your brain constructs based on state, perception, and safety. They don’t simply flow; they emerge, shift, and resolve when the nervous system gets the right information.

So yes, movement can help. But it’s not about just “getting rid of energy”. It’s about giving your brain what it needs to feel safe enough to process.

👉 Want to learn how to navigate your emotions with precision? That’s what we do. Let’s talk.

Do you want more ways to work with emotion?
Ready to go beyond self-care and really get the results you're looking for?
Are you tired of trying to figure this out all on your own?

The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session

Is "Soft Life" Really a Cure for Burnout?

Have you heard about the "Soft Life" trend?

We've been looking into it because this trend is being touted as the answer to burnout.

As folks who work directly with powerful people around the world to rewire their nervous systems as a preventative to burnout (and overwhelm, procrastination, anxiety, depression, etc.), our curiosity is piqued!
 

What is "Soft Life"?
Is it really the answer to burnout?
 

The Soft Life trend comes from influencer culture in Nigeria, and in America is all about embracing a lifestyle that prioritizes ease, comfort, and self-care over the relentless grind of hustling.

The key aspects are:

• Self-Care and Mental Health: Resilience practices like meditation, quality sleep, and stress management.

• Rejecting Hustle Culture: Promoting balance, leisure, and the importance of downtime by leaning into resilience practices, but also by setting boundaries around work and emotional labor.

• Aesthetic and Lifestyle: A visual aesthetic — cozy, minimalistic, and sometimes even luxurious settings that evoke comfort and relaxation.   

Here at the Center for Emotional Education... 

We love resilience practices (we include strategies for resilience in Emotional Sovereignty School).

We're huge champions of boundaries (Better at Boundaries Mini-Course anyone?).

And cozy may as well be our middle name because we know what cozy does for a nervous system (it's a word we use in the opening of many newsletters, including this one!).

And...
 

Soft Life simply isn't enough to fend off burnout.

Here's why...

1. Not all of us can dedicate enough of our time to meditation, baths, and plush fabrics. We prefer to promote strategies that are available to anyone, anytime, and don't cost any money.
    

2. Even if we could devote multiple hours to resilience practices each day, we'd basically have to stay "on retreat" and away from all sources of stress in order to maintain that level of calm, which simply isn't possible.
    

3. (The biggie.) Resilience practices (the things we do to reduce stress) are only one part of the burnout equation.

If we don't learn how to work with our capacity for emotion (stress, overwhelm, anxiety, guilt, frustration), the burnout prophylactic we've created via our boundaried, luxurious, hygga moments, wears off fairly quickly.

Life, with all it's stresses, is always just inches away from a bubble bath. 

Resilience practices require large investments of time. But emotion happens instantly and regularly. We feel things all day long, whether we're in a soft pile or not.
 

Unfortunately we can't self-care ourselves out of our feelings.

In addition to gentle routines, loving boundaries, and a supportive physical environment, for emotional release we need emotional tools.
 

The solution to burnout is both resilience practices and emotional capacity practices.
 

Without emotional processing tools to use alongside our Soft Life efforts, we're at risk of subconsciously using this trend as just another version of Survival Freeze where, sure we're comfortable, but we may also be in active avoidance of things that really matter to us and our longterm goals.
 

Our conclusion?
 

Embrace #SoftLife as much as is right for you and available to you!

AND, also remember to embrace:

#CryLife
#EmotionalProcessingLife
#ItsOkToNotBeOkLife
#FeelingsAreHealthyLife
#ICanDoHardThingsWhenIGetTheSupportINeedLife

What about you?

Do you have any thoughts about this trend? Let us know! We'd love to hear about your experience.

Do you want help determining if you're embracing the Soft Life as a way of avoiding things you truly want to do? We've got you.

Our team of coaches is at the ready with a complimentary "Feel Better Already" Strategy Session in which you'll be supported to discover the truth about your habits and your goals. 

This offer is available to anyone who has not already enjoyed this session-type, and is ready to crack the code of emotional capacity.


And in any case, we're cheering you on in cultivating the life that is just right for you — all of you!

---

The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session

Do you want more ways to manage emotion?
Ready to go beyond self-care and really get the results you're looking for?
Are you tired of trying to figure this out all on your own?

Better at Boundaries Mini-Course

Designed for busy individuals who want results, this mini-course offers bite-sized, actionable content to help you start making changes right away. Gain the confidence to uphold your values, reduce emotional overwhelm, and create more balanced, fulfilling relationships.
$29

Maybe You're Not an Empath 😲

 Many of us relate to ourselves as compassionate, tuned in, and occasionally taking on other's upsets as our own. And in the parlance of our time, we refer to certain folks who do this more than others as empaths.

Here's the definition:

• An empath is someone who is highly attuned to the emotions of others.

• They feel what others are feeling so deeply that they may "absorb" or "take on" those emotions. 

• Empaths may struggle to distinguish their own feelings from those of others, which can lead to confusion and misinterpretation. 

Ring any bells for you? It certainly does for us...

And for those of us who think of ourselves as empaths the world can be a very overwhelming and over-stimulating place. We may even tend to avoid people altogether in order to protect our own energy and capacity.
 

But maybe it's not "being an empath".
Maybe it's being wired to react to others from a Survival State.

A huge percentage of us accidentally developed a nervous system that manages social situations with the neural network that is meant to manage life or death situations.

This can happen when, early on, our brain wires itself in order to succeed in an environment lacking adequate social and emotional support.
 

The Survival System relies on coherence in order to keep us alive.

Historically, if someone in our clan was running from a saber-tooth tiger, the others of us most likely to survive were the ones who noticed early and at distance, and acted accordingly! 

Our species has survived for eons in part due to reacting with Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease whenever someone near us was in Survival Mode. 

There are no longer saber-tooth tigers chasing our fellow clansmen, but Survival coherence is still very much alive and active.
 

Unless we know how to work proactively with coherence, our Survival System reacts to others’ emotional states as if there’s a threat—preparing to “stay alive” even when no real danger is present, just people expressing feelings.

This is why standing near an upset person upsets our own system.

It's not that we're absorbing their feelings, it's that we're mirroring their feelings. And our system (among other things) is preparing to either protect us from the emotion or from the threat of whatever might be inviting the emotion.
 

In any case, (empath or over-reactive wiring) the answer to experiences like this is to invite our Survival System to "stand down".

 

3 things you can do...to prevent Survival coherence and the experience of absorbing other's feelings:

1.  What's your breath doing?
   Are you panting like you're going to fight or run? Are you barely breathing at all? 
   Just noticing your breath will cue the Survival System that there's less need for it to get involved.
    

2. Can you touch your skin?
   Find a little patch of your own skin, and rub your finger over it. If you keep this up for a minute or so, this tiny signal will help your nervous system understand that your body's experience is separate from the experience of the upset person near you, and will begin to down-shift the Survival reaction.
    

3. How far away is your pinkie toe from your elbow?
   This sounds silly, but if you can ask your brain to calculate the distance between body parts, it helps your nervous system re-estimate the threat level of the situation. A general rule is that if you can notice your body, you can stay out of Survival mode and have a chance of remaining emotionally sovereign in the face of another's emotion.

The best part about this?
 

Even if we got wired to respond to people and their emotions from the Survival System, we can rewire.

Putting the right tool in place, at the right moment, and repeating that process consistently over time, asks the brain to redevelop itself in order to accommodate the new way of living.
 

With some work (and especially with support) we can:

• Become less accidentally empathic (having the sense that we absorb others' emotions)

• Become more empathetic (authentically connecting around emotions)

• Maintain a grounded sense of self and sovereignty no matter who we're with

What's your experience? Please share with us if you have identified as an empath and how you support yourself. We'd love to hear!

And if the path of brain rewiring is calling to you, we invite you to join us! We've been at it for 18 years now.
 

Rewiring is what we do!
 

And if you have been dealing with the experience of getting too activated around others' feelings, or taking on too much, or cohering too deeply with the states of those around you — please know you are not alone, and you don't have to face it alone. We know what it's like, and we can help.

The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session

Do you want to team up to rewire your nervous system?
Get help discovering how your system works and what it needs.
Schedule a phone appointment at your convenience.

💛 Why You're not "Normal" 💛

Did you know that you're not "normal"? 

No one is.

There is no normal when it comes to, anything, but certainly not personality, brain development, trauma response, or even reactions to everyday occurrences.

Like everyone, your brain started with some basic "factory settings", and then was customized according to aaaallllllllllllll your personal experience. Your history has been unique. No one else has your exact genetics, your particular caregivers, your little and big triumphs, and your shallow scrapes and deeper wounds. 

Brains are incredibly smart that way. They team up with all of your body parts and adjust and alter every single mechanism in order to make sure that you make it. Literally every system of nerves, every muscle, and every neuron is carefully managed to help you adapt to the circumstances of your most common early environments.
 

There is no "normal" there is only "just right for these conditions".

Given that you are absolutely unique, your route to feeling better is going to be pretty unique, too. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to mental health, emotional self-care, or even nervous system regulation. You will be the expert on what's right for you.

So, if you're willing, let's try this:

1. Close your eyes or at least soften your gaze, and tune into your personal, unique experience.

• Take a quick peek

• View it from across the street

• Or through a tiny peep hole

• What's happening in you?

• What sensations are safe to feel right now?

• What emotions are safe to feel right now?

• Do you like noticing this?

• Take a break and look at something you love for a second if that seems helpful.

2. What does your body need right now?

• A cozier seat, outfit, position?

• Some warmth? Some cooling down?

• Water?

• Snack?

• To move?

• Some gentle touch?

• Slow exhales? Slow inhales?

• Rest?

(Whatever it is, you know best. Take your time... Go ahead and tend to your body the way that's right for you.)

3. Are you willing to check in with your feelings? What are they? 

(Go slow here. Really look, and identify the names of your emotions.)

4. What do your feelings need?

• a cry?

• a gentle hug?

• a scream into a pillow?

• movement?

• companionship?

• to be heard?

• understanding?

• touch?

• expression?

(Whatever it is, you know best. Take your time. Tend to your feelings in the way that's right for you.)

Did you like what you came up with for yourself? It's important to pay attention to what works for you because...
 

When we repeat the tools that serve our nervous system best... again and again over time... something amazing happens...

Can you guess what it is?
 

Our brain gets an update.

Instead of carrying on with the customized setup that was perfect for surviving our origins, our brain re-customizes to fit our current circumstances, our current skillset, and our current values and goals.

So here's to you and your amazing, special, unique brain. There's no one like you. And we think that's pretty cool...

(For the fellow brain-geeks among us, at the Center we call this concept neurodiversity or "neuro-idiosyncrasy" and the data is pretty clear that all brains are neuroidiosyncratic.)

Keep finding your just right way!
 

Upcoming self-care opportunities for you and your unique nervous system:

The Grief Well

Does your grief need some ritual and community?
Live Bereavement Ceremony
February 12, 2025
5:30pm Pacific

The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session

Do you want to team up on your nervous system support?
Get help discovering how your system works and what it needs.
Schedule a phone appointment at your convenience.

Loving Someone Who's "Gone"

(Nathan, here, with a special reach out to my fellow grievers.)

I’ve been grieving my brother Edward for almost 2 years now.

(And as a measure of that project, I’ll admit that it took me a long time today to write anything else after that sentence. . .)

Suffice it to say, Edward’s death and the process I have been through since has changed me so much that who I was before would barely believe it.

Grieving has taught me so much more than I ever wanted to know. About emotional pain and expression, for sure, but also about cremation, and traveling with cats, and obituaries, and bank loans, and real estate, etc., etc..

Another thing I’ve learned more than I ever wanted to know about is loving someone who’s “gone”.

On Full-Time Grievers, the podcast I now cohost (because podcasting is another thing grieving is teaching me), we were talking about the ongoing connection we have with our deceased loved ones. It can be anything from playing a song or doing an activity they liked, visiting a special place in honour of them, or writing them a note, to donating to a cause they cared about, creating art to them, and/or cultivating rituals that keep us in contact.

Among a litany of other things, I regularly leave Edward long rambling voice messages, and I visit the bench we got for him in Missoula. Some local folks have even seen me blessing the bench on special occasions. I also visit him in the spirit world, ask him for support, and bring him to important moments and places.

This month on the Micro Full Snow Moon – on 2.12 which is a special number for Edward and me and some of our friends – we’ll be leading another edition of the Grief Well. This is a guided set of rituals for honouring, mourning, and continuing connection with our dearly departed. 

You can opt in or out of each element in this roughly 90-minute ceremony, choosing your level of privacy, in compassionate community with fellow grievers, from the comfort of your own space. All grief levels and all grievers are welcome.

When you sign up, you can get a copy of our 83 page grief journal, too, for free.

This is for me and all the other folks out there still loving someone who’s “gone”.

---

The Grief Well

Live Bereavement Ceremony
February 12, 2025
5:30pm Pacific

Sending you love. 🖤

Levels of Emotional Healing

Emotional healing is a journey that unfolds in layers, seasons, and cycles. It’s not a straight path but a continual process of tending to ourselves, growing, and recalibrating.

The Levels of Emotional Healing provide a roadmap, helping us understand what’s needed at each stage whether it’s creating safety in the body, processing deep emotions, or embracing lasting change.

Wherever you are in your journey, know that we're cheering you on and every effort counts.

Let’s dive in.
 

Levels of Emotional Healing:

Getting the body safe.
This involves getting enough good sleep, good nutrition, plenty of water, movement, breath, and optimal temperature balance, in safe spaces. These basics have a powerful influence on our mood, resilience, and cognition. If you aren't getting enough of these needs met, you can't get further...

Getting the body regulated.
This is all about using the body to convince the nervous system and Survival Brain that no predator needs to be expected. It relies on parasympathetic nervous system activation, neurochemical maintenance, and/or "prediction error" correction. If you can't meet these needs, then emotional work can be traumatizing...

Tending surface emotion.
When feelings come up and we're safe enough to express them – then we consciously Notice them, we Name them, and we stay in Touch with the experience of them. This helps process emotion, and teach our nervous system that we’re safe to engage with emotion. If you can't sit with the feeling, you can't access the healing...

Releasing historical emotion.
This is where feelings are friends, and we go gently looking for how we can help our friends out. It involves deeper release, deeper integration, and deeper rewiring of our "neural habits" regarding emotional processing. If you can process and release historical emotion, you can heal from trauma…

Surrendering to change.
This is about living differently than we did before, taking better care of ourselves, allowing relationships and circumstances to evolve with us, continuing to choose our own healing, while avoiding complacency. If you can make healing a practice, you can create permanent change…

Being the change/changed/changing.
This is about both allowing our self to be who we really are, and to become who we're here to become, while staying more focused on being in the journey than arriving. It asks that we keep doing everything we've been doing (above), while being fully open to all we can do now. If you can truly see your self, you can do anything…

Each of these are cyclical, seasonal, perpetual.

We need them all to really heal.

And we never finish.

If you can get used to that, you'll do extremely well here.

And if you happen to find that you need support along the way, our global team of compassionate coaches is here to navigate these waters with you. 

One of these beautiful people could be your personal emotional healing champion.

*Limited to folks who haven't yet taken advantage of this offering.

Sending you love. 💛