Are you being met in ways that feel good and helpful? We hope so, because that's the theme of this newsletter! ☺️

We've got eight scenarios to run by you, these are common profiles of human upset, and only a few people know what to do in these situations. Do you?

Let's find out!

Scoring

For each scenario described...

Give yourself 1 point if you can think of something to do or say in response.
Give yourself an additional point if you have tried this and it helped the other person find relief, connection, or deescalation.

16 points available, how many do you score?

Level One: Medium Difficulty

Scenario 1
You walk into the room and you see a person you care about crying. Their shoulders are rounded forward, their face is flushed. You inquire as to what's going on and they say:
"Oh nothing, don't worry about it. I'm just having a moment. I got some bad news today and I can't stop thinking about it. I just don't know what to do. I'll be alright, I'm just so sad." [more crying]

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They have a sense of being heard, understood, and connected with. They let more tears out and feel relief.)

Scenario 2:
Someone close to you is trying to figure something out and they can't. They start sighing heavily, shove their project away, throw their hands up, and storm around the room. When you inquire, they say:
"It's not working! I don't know what to do. It's supposed to work, but it isn't. I've tried everything, and nothing works. F#@$!"

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They start speaking more slowly, their body and face become calmer, they perhaps get re-inspired about their project.)

Scenario 3:
A person in your group is concerned about a number of things that could go wrong in the group's next venture. They keep listing all the negative possibilities, again and again. When you inquire, they say:
"What? I'm just trying to cover our bases! Someone has to. I mean, we've never done this before. Have we thought of everything? Are you sure we're ready? I think we should have fun, but let's not be foolish. Let's go over the plan one more time. Does everyone know the plan?"

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They stop making the list, they visibly get softer in their countenance, they have a sense of being supported and understood.)

Scenario 4:
Someone close to you is verbally beating themselves up about a mistake they made. They have a scowling expression on their face and can't seem to talk or think about anything else. When you inquire with them, they say:
"I was just so stupid! I can't believe I did that. Who does that?... I do, I guess. What an idiot."

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (Their countenance lifts, they stop trying to convince you that they're an idiot, they seem lighter, maybe even laughing or having some compassion for themself.)

Level Two: High Difficulty

Scenario 5:
A person in your household is stomping around and finding fault with almost everybody and everything. When you try to address this with them, they say:
”WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? THEY ARE THE ONES MESSING UP ALL MY STUFF! I'm just minding my own business and they keep taking my stuff and getting in my way! You should be yelling at THEM!"

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They soften enough to stop being loud. They may not feel light and happy, but they're no longer blaming others, and they're leaning in for support.)

Scenario 6:
Someone close to you keeps buzzing around the room, or leaving the room, or getting on their phone. They're moving so fast that they keep dropping things and knocking things over. It's a frantic energy that you don't enjoy. When you say something to them, they say:
"What are you even saying? I just have a lot going on! And you're actually making it worse right now. I'm sorry, but I don't have time to answer whatever your questions are. You're going to have to deal with it on your own."

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They slow down. They take a deep breath. They're not necessarily warm and communicative yet, but they're coming back to a shared reality.)

Scenario 7:
Someone you care about has been on the couch for many hours. They alternate between the tv, their phone, and napping. When you ask them what's going on, they say:
"Nothing...?"

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They stand up. They start talking a little bit. They take some sort of action. They're not necessarily lit-up yet, but they're coming back to life.)

Scenario 8:
Someone you care about keeps trying to get involved in your business. They mean well, but it's too much. They keep asking questions, sending links, offering advice, dropping by, volunteering to run your errands or pick up your kids. It's not that you couldn't use help, but their vibe is so intense. When you try to address it, they say:
"Oh I'm so sorry! Am I too much? Gosh, I'm so sorry. [Crying] I just love you so much, and feel so bad for what you're going through. Are you mad at me? Do you still love me? Please don't be mad at me."

▢ 1 point: What do you do or say in a moment like this?
▢ 1 point: You've tried this and it helped? (They chill out. They stop crying. Their voice drops an octave and their words slow down. They are able to hear what you're saying (and what you're not saying) and start understanding your position.)

Okay!
Maybe you want to take a deep breath...?
Stretch a little bit?
Take a sip of your water?

It can be stressful just imagining those kinds of upsets!

How did you do?

How many points did you give yourself? Do you know what to say or do in situations like this? Do your responses work to increase ease and connection?

If you scored low, take solace in the fact that most people don't know what to do or say in situations like this! We are not taught emotional support skills in school! (Unfortunately!)

That's why we built our course Support Fundamentals.

People have been asking us for years to put together...

A simple primer on exactly what to do or say when we or someone we love is upset.

This course is short and to the point.
It takes place online, in the evening, so anyone can partake.

If you scored high, good on ya! Maybe you should have a certificate that proves how awesome you are at supporting people! With Support Fundamentals you have the option of enrolling in a written test afterwards and receiving certification as a NeuroEmotional Aide.

In any case, let us know how you did with these scenarios! We'd love to hear from you