Is it Okay to *Want*?

We're coming in hot today with a radical position:


It's okay to want things.


Wanting is a human drive. 

It's okay to pee, right? (That's another human drive.)

In fact, not only is it okay to want...
 

It's normal to want.


In all the 20 years we've been supporting people to rewire their brains to finally enjoy the lives they've worked so hard to create, the number one reason an individual finally schedules the consultation that changes their life is that they want something.
 

These are the wants we've heard in consultations over the last few weeks:

  • less anxiety

  • less stress

  • more time

  • to be more observant/present

  • more calm

  • more intimacy

  • more friends

  • to sound confident

  • a child

  • to be able to ask for help

  • a partner

  • more fun

  • to be able to relax

  • to be my true self

  • to be my own boss

  • more freedom in my day

And of course:

  • more financial security

  • more abundance

  • more flow in my income

Which are all roundabout ways to refer to money. (Because wanting straight-up cashola is almost impossible for most people to claim.)
 

Wanting can bring huge discomfort.


Wanting is essentially all about discomfort!

It's identifying that you don't have "something" and that the not-having of that "something" is no longer good enough.

And then cue the Emotional Brain chatter... 

Am I being:

  • selfish?

  • naive?

  • greedy?

  • mean?

Shouldn't I just be:

  • thankful for what I have?

  • able to enjoy myself no matter what?

  • a bigger person?


In truth, no matter what life we already have, we're going to keep wanting. Just like we're going to keep doing other human-based activities, like peeing.

Feelings derive wants. Then even just wanting derives more feelings.
 

We could loop forever, instead of getting and enjoying the thing – whatever our something may be.


Why???

Because, brains.

As far as the brain is concerned:

  • The number one operational priority is to stay alive.
    If you haven't already enjoyed the thing you want and proved you can stay alive, then your own brain will root against you getting that thing. For the Survival Brain state, anything new (meaning anything you don't already have) is threatening.

  • The second operational priority is to flush out and support feelings.
    If you haven't already enjoyed the thing you want and integrated all the feelings you have about it, then your brain will try to slow down your access to the thing so you can feel what it means first.

  • The last priority is to create or move into novel experience.
    And this will not happen until Priority #1 and #2 are taken care of.


This is how we can clearly identify a desire and still not get around to fulfilling and enjoying that desire. (No wonder we think wanting is a problem!)
 

So what's the solution?


Best solution: Retrain your brain to see your desire as non-threatening, and support the key feelings that are glommed onto that desire. (That's what our work is all about!)

But let's start with something easy.

Most-Doable-First-Step Solution: Stop allowing as much of what you don't want, in order to make room for what you do want.

(We recommend our Better at Boundaries Mini-Course to help get this particular party started. It's:
– Affordable
– Quick, and
– Easy!) 


In any case, we're cheering for you, and we want you to have what you want!

You're not just normal, you're phenomenal.