It's holiday time again!
Better be ready to be stressed.
The end.
That's the whole newsletter.
You'rrrre welcome...
Just kidding!
We would never send you into the holiday season without some love and a game plan!
Because the nervous system kinda hates holidays:
- increased activity
- increased planning and communicating
- increased expenditures
- increased expectations
- increased uncertainty
The most sensitive parts of our nervous system (We're looking at you amygdalae! You sweet paranoid co-captains of the Survival System!) prefer somewhat boring, predictable, low-stimulation scenarios.
And almost no one would describe holidays that way, right?
Go ahead — get some related human beings that don't usually hang out a whole bunch, put them in a room, with the understanding that they must create meaning, fun, and harmony, with a tight timeline.
Just "watch" your amygdalae freak out...
No one wants freaked out amygdalae.
(There's our new t-shirt!)
So... we gotta do something about your "pesky" brain and those 3 main systems that are likely to get involved with your holiday fun.
Here are the brain states – holiday style.
If we do nothing, a big part of our holiday will be spent in a Survival or (uncomfortable) Emotional brain state — no bueno!
But if we do something (and we'll tell you what), we'll get to spend more of our holiday in an Executive state — super bueno!
That key something is what we call Speaking Brain. In this case, it just means making sure we keep our Survival System chill, and our Emotional System held, by meeting Survival and Emotional System needs. That way, they will have a seat at the table but not try to host the holiday for us.
So... here's the:
Center for Emotional Education's Checklist for Happenin' Holidays!
Meet Survival Needs
(Some celebration-centric ideas)
Food – eat a whole-ass meal before your guests arrive. Do not fall for the ol' "I'll snack and eat alongside my guests." trick. Host's rarely eat or eat enough!
Water – Don't you dare get dehydrated — this is a marathon! Chug, chug, chug!
Safety –
Don't invite any predators (however you take that term) to your party
Update your oven mitts — no holes, no burns!
Keep a Regulating Breath (exhales slow and super long) going – the whole time (no joke!)
Temperature –
Maybe your hair is cuter down, but put it up anyway! (It's too hot when it's down)
Crack a window, or crank the heat, depending on your hemisphere
Wear layers you can shed or don according to your needs — think cardigans.
Predictability –
Make a plan for the day, do your part to follow it – especially the parts that are self-loving, like that shower, or that dog walk
Don't improvise — just follow the tried-and-true recipe!
Time –
Walk everywhere slow and steady – even if you're running behind schedule!
When in a time crunch, bring back that Regulating Breath — because, yes, you did forget to breathe.
Security –
Turn the porch light on, or the outdoor fairy lights (yeah, we're looking at you Australia)
Put away stuff you will worry about
Sharpen your knives — not for self-defense! Dull knives are more likely to slip and cut you.
Then...
Meet Emotional Needs
(Some holiday-specific suggestions)
Expression –
Vent. Remember that shower and/or that dog walk you prioritized? Use that time to list all the things you hate about hosting. Permission to be petty!
Cry! It's your party and you can cry if you want to. Actually you should cry because you need to, it's good for you, and perhaps counterintuitively, it is soothing to the Emotional System and detoxing to your entire nervous system (which lowers resting stress levels).
Time –
Prioritize feelings in your prep time. Everyone focuses on having the venue and the food ready when hosting a holiday party, but who cares if your house is clean if you're too emotionally pent up to enjoy it! Weep before sweeping, we always say! (Or while sweeping, for higher efficiency...)
Leave room for other people's feelings! Someone is going to hate their outfit/hair/role/sock. That someone might be you, or it might be one of your clan. In any case, expect feelings, schedule them into the flow chart.
Recognition –
Notice Name Touch – that's a mnemonic device. Notice when you cringe at what Uncle Bob said (C'mon Uncle Bob! Sheesh!). Name the feelings coming up for you (Aversion, Embarrassment, Ire). Then offer yourself some tender Touch by way of some empathetic phrases muttered to yourself while chopping the lettuce ("That didn't feel good.No one would like that comment."). And repeat...
Give a wink and a nod to the feelings that will have to wait. The Emotional System is also tasked with suppressing feelings, and sometimes that's what's needed. Some of the feelings that show up during the holidays (Hello grief! Hello rage!) aren't party-savvy. Making a mental note to check in with those feelings later is super smart. Actually following up with those feelings later is genius.
If you're doing any of the above, you likely will be processing more from your Executive System and therefore you'll be moving and shaking and executing like a boss, but if you want to help your Executive System be an even better party host, then you could go for this:
Meet Executive Needs
(Party-savvy possibilities)
Information – get some ahead of time! The Executive System loves information.
Check the weather leading up to your event and prepare for all possibilities. (This one is probably "D'uh" but doing it with the intention of supporting your Executive needs gives you more points.
Ask for RSVPs so that you have a head count. Even ballpark numbers are nice!
Help –
Ask for some! Even baby help like, "Will you please stir this?" will feel great to your system. So even if you don't technically need it, and you wouldn't die without it, and you're a really capable powerful person who is good at doing hard things (Yeah, we're looking at you, You...), ask anyway.
Accept some! At least one person will offer help, and the old you will want to say, "I've got it! You sit down and enjoy yourself!". The new you who's looking to meet the needs of all your brain states, will graciously and simply say: "Yes, please. Thank you. It's so fun to team up!".
(By the way... Many folks feel better if they can contribute or do a task. You're helping meet some of their needs when you incorporate their help.)
Plans –
Seating chart anyone? Let the kids make name plates from construction paper, and put them on the table.
Playlist anyone? Let your niece make a playlist and cue it up.
(Even tiny "silly" plans can feel great to the nervous system.)
Now you're ready to party.
May your brain and the brains around you, be merry and bright!
Or rather...
May your brain and the brains around you, be neuro-emotionally supported this holiday season.