It's Natalie here, with a story that just happened and I want to tell you about it.
So, there's a topic that Nathan and I have needed to discuss...
This topic is the straightest, slipperiest slope to:
core wounds
uncomfortable feelings
muscle-memories of moments of disconnection and stress between loved ones
Do you have one of those topics?
Well this one is mine.
It's the issue that can easily send one or both of us into full Survival Mode, so it's not one we dive into readily or casually. But, as so often happens with these kinds of issues, we're also on a timeline, so we can't exactly ignore it either.
We tip-toed up to the discussion, because we are not dummies.
We discussed the fact that we needed to discuss it.
We discussed how we would discuss it.
We scheduled a time to both prepare to and actually discuss it.
We chose a neutral, soothing place to discuss it, with snacks.
We were intentional about having intimacy and eating food before discussing.
We made sure there would be no interruptions or distractions while discussing.
These are all things that any of us can do.
But we took it up a notch!
We decided toco-opt one of our existing worksheets and do a protocol that :
regulated our nervous systems
offloaded our emotions
got us into a more Executive State
before even digging into the topic!
Wading into an historically unsafe topic requires an exceedingly safe approach.
I gotta tell you, I was sitting in that coffee shop with Nathan and we were following each step of the worksheet, building layer upon layer the level of security we needed in order to make our logistical plan around this tricky issue, and I started crying. Like,almost-too-much-for-a-coffee-shop kind of crying.
Because, to give you some context, growing up, "little me" didn't get enough support and safety when she needed it most.
And "big me" has been wrestling with this particular issue – incorrectly clinging to the idea that if "I get it right" it will somehow heal all my wounds and make everything better. (I've been trying so painfully hard at that, forso long.)
But instead, here I was, getting the thing I needed most (help and safety) without having to get this epic issue all tidied up. I wassafein a protocol that would garnermoresafety – enough safety to approach, troubleshoot, andtake actionon my important topic.
Kinda epic, really.
So we did our worksheets and then shared notes on how each step was for us. (Which turned up the empathy between us even more...)
And then there we were, in the pocket,the magical, powerful team that can get motherf-inganythingdone.
Before we knew it we had the calendar out, marking days and times. Laughing, thinking, conferring. We were making lists and connecting dots. We were on the same page, sharing a vision, and taking aligned steps.
It was maybe one of the most satisfying and healing moments of my life.
After the coffee shop we grabbed BobbyJon and wandered down to the river. The trees are turning amber, the river is icy cold on our feet, and beavers are remodeling a section of our shared river bank.
It's a beautiful world.
And today, after that incredible team-up, I have the most delicious sense that every living particle – from the chipmunks and chickadees, to the sunbeams and sage bushes – is rooting for me.
Thanks for listening to my story and being a witness to this big moment for me.