What's changing in your world?
Over here in Missoula, Montana, our neighbor Carol's elm is starting to change color. And we hate it!
We love Carol, and her tree, but danggggg, we do not want to shift gears out of Summer-mode.
Is Fall awesome? Yes.
Are there delights in every season? Of course.
Can we get hygge like the best of them? You know it.
But who cares?
Transition still sucks eggs.
It happens a lot.
Summer to Fall
High school to college
Daytime to nighttime
Awake to asleep
Asleep to awake
Single to married
Married to single
Fertile to menopausal
Working to retired
Weekend to workday
Workday to weekend
But no matter how many times it happens...
Humans struggle with transition.
Go ahead and test this theory by asking any 6-year old if they want to transition from playing with their Labubu to going to a pool party.
Transitioning from one thing to anything else, (even something awesome) can invite all sorts of discomfort.
Why is transition a challenge?
Dude, it's primal.
We're wired to prefer more predictability than novelty. Change is akin to uncertainty, which to our Survival System, is akin to threat.
Picture the Cro-Magnon version of yourself chilling on a grassy plain, enjoying the breeze. Now picture a shift in the wind, a gamey scent in the air, a rustling in the bushes.... Uh oh! Could be a lion and you might be lunch!
It may not happen every time, but that transition from known (Labubu play) to even slightly unknown (pool party) can be enough to awaken the Survival System. This is when that 6-year old says...
I HATE pool parties!" - Survival Fight
[Runs from the room] - Survival Flight
[Acts like they didn't hear you] - Survival Freeze
"I'll get ready in five minutes, I promise." (then doesn't) - Survival Appease
But who are we kidding. If we're pointing fingers at 6-year olds, let's be fair and swing that finger around...
Think of the times of your life where you struggled.
Was transition involved?
Heck, think of the times you struggled yesterday. Was transition involved?
– Our clients and students often identify the "Witching Hour" between work and dinner, as the moment they tend to "lose their shit".
– Daylight savings?
– Or returning home from somewhere? Anywhere?
There's emotional fallout around transition.
We're likely to feel uncomfortable, and that can show up as:
Overwhelm
Anxiety
Dread
Grief
Worry
Frustration
(You name it)
This is normal.
Standing on the threshold, between what was, and what isn't-quite-yet, is a tough place to be (no matter how long it lasts), and it makes sense to have feelings about it!
So what do you do?
Well, if we leave it up to the Survival System...
It will either entrench us in non-change (safe and certain!) or plunge us blindly and hurriedly into the new realm – maybe through force, or whim, or impetuosity. This is the ol' "out of the frying pan into the fire" method. The instinct is super strong to just hurry up and arrive in the next place, instead of suffering at the unknown threshold.
If we leave it up to the Emotional System...
It will inflate and exaggerate what we're leaving behind and what we're heading into. The past chapter will become a rose-colored utopia to cling to, while the next chapter is full of dismaying terrors. Or, conversely, because the Emotional System is fickle like that, this system will decide that the last chapter was "the worst ever", and "good riddance", while the next chapter is going to be heavenly, perfect, and free of all problems. Depending on what feeling we happen to be holding during our time on the threshold, we can swing from dark pessimism to naive optimism – sometimes within moments of each other.
Neither are good options!
Instead, it's time for some Emotional Sovereignty.
We can retrain our brains to have an easier time with transition. Here's how:
Notice moments that count as transition.
Recognize them when they show up, and highlight them ahead of time if possible.Drop into the body.
What brings awareness or ease back to your physical vessel? Do that. (The Survival System chills out when you do.)Name 2 - 3 feelings.
Name, out loud, whatever is true for you. (The Emotional System loves when you do this.)Say something kind to yourself.
Normalize these feelings, show understanding for yourself in them. (The Executive System flicks on when you empathize with your feelings.)Make one small choice that supports this transitional moment.
Do you need to get your hair off your neck? Take a long gulp of water? Bring something with you?
"Rinse and repeat" as needed.
For bigger transitions*, the threshold is wide, so it may be a good time to call in external help – like a NeuroEmotional Coach – who can support you to increase your Emotional Sovereignty and decrease the Survival and Emotional fallout of your transition.
It's wonderful and woeful to be a human.
The human condition is no joke!
Let's all give ourselves a big, enthusiastic, "high five" for doing the best we can – every time we can.
Here's to you and yours, during your micro and macro transitions. We're in this together for sure.
*If you let us know what big transition you find yourself in:
New partnership
New baby
Launching business
Empty-nesting
Divorce
Mid-life rethink
Retirement
Perimenopause
Career change
Identity shift
Loss
You name it
We'll let you know which coach we think would be the best match for you.
Just email love@centerforemotionaleducation.com and we'll get you sorted. 💛