To be frank, we’re reeling from the latest developments in our country. Violence has no place in our politics, and yet it keeps striving for one... We keep soothing, and processing, and strategizing ways to meet the needs of this moment. And we keep coming back to this:
Empathy is the antidote to the wrongs of the world. Its absence lies at the root of most challenges.
(To be clear, we're talking mostly about Cognitive Empathy, here. Not just the Affective kind that happens to us automatically, when we wince at someone else's pain... But the perspective-taking, understanding one another's intentions and motives, "walk a mile in each other's shoes" kind of empathy.)
So as a tribute to courageous empathy...
Here are seven reasons empathy is the most important thing we can teach our children:
1. Empathy is the root of social guidelines.
The vast majority of laws, moral codes, and family rules are ultimately about considering others. Teaching empathy bridges the gap between instinctive, self-focused infants and compassionate, “more civilized” adults. When we know how to understand another's experience, we need far less guidance about not mistreating each other.
2. Our brains are wired for empathy.
We are born with mirror neurons that automatically simulate the movements, expressions, and emotions of those around us. When a child sees a smile, their brain briefly rehearses making one, giving them a felt sense of the other person’s experience (that's Affective Empathy). This natural mechanism underlies our ability to interpret emotions, but it needs to be reinforced by receiving empathetic support in childhood in order to build it into an ability to better understand others (through Cognitive Empathy).
3. Empathy entrains the brain.
When a baby cries, the parent’s Emotional System lights up in sync with their baby, preparing them to respond. The parent’s calm, empathetic response not only helps soothe the baby in the moment, it also teaches the infant's brain how to genuinely self-soothe and, over time, how to respond to others with empathy, too.
This part happens wordlessly — without a single lesson on why it’s important or on how to act with empathy. The same way one learns their native language.
4. Empathy supports full-brain development.
The brain has three key systems we talk about a lot:
The Survival System, which keeps us alive.
The Emotional System, which governs feelings and social behavior.
The Executive System, which enables problem-solving, creativity, compassion, and more.
When kids are upset, the Survival and Emotional Systems take over, and they lose access to higher reasoning and functioning. Empathy helps them move through the storm of feelings and return to an Executive state — and repeated experiences of empathy grow their capacity to spend more time there.
5. Empathy creates safety.
When children feel our empathy, they know they're safe – both in the world and inside themselves – even when emotions feel overwhelming. That sense of safety is foundational for emotional regulation, resilience, and secure bonds.
6. Empathy gives parents superpowers.
Empathy can diffuse conflicts, dissolve resistance, and heal hurts. It recharges our own nervous systems, helping us find patience and compassion we didn’t know we had. And neuroscience shows that offering empathy not only helps our children — it rewires our brains toward more compassionate, balanced responses at the same time.
7. Empathy turns struggle into opportunity.
Every meltdown or conflict becomes a chance for connection, healing, and trust-building. Empathy tells our children’s brains: you are safe, you are loved, and your full humanity is welcome here. That bond lays the groundwork for cooperation, connection, and deeper relationship for years to come.
We focused this one mostly on parents, but you don't have to save up your empathy for just your (or others') kids! Sprinkle it around like faery dust! Because, even though they're all grown up, empathy works on the brains of adults just as well.
Go gently, natural born empathizers.