parent-and-child.jpg

It should be basic...

If you give your kid heaps of love, say NO to sugar before bed, teach them the rules, keep them warm in winter, and help them with their homework, it should work out. Right?! They should be happy, successful, and kind.

Then why does it all fall apart so frequently? Why is everyone always yelling or crying? Why is someone flopping on the floor in fits of rage just because they can't have ice cream for dinner, even though it's never okay to have ice cream for dinner?? Why can't we keep it together and be calm and kind even when big brother kicks little brother? Why don't our words make a difference? And why do they still bite each other, or throw their shoes, or refuse to eat dinner, or take 25 minutes to brush their teeny teeth, even though we have rules, and charts, and routines, and reasonable expectations?

Why does it sometimes feel like lunacy? 

And lonely? And overwhelming? Why do some days feel so hard and others fairly breezy?

Well, in a word, brains.
 

The human brain is a self-reflective biochemical machine. It's designed to react to the environment -- both the external and the internal version. For instance, the brain will switch off the thinking, self-aware, empathetic, creative, and contented ("upper brain") parts anytime there is emotional intensity. It then shifts processing to the social part of the brain (the "mid brain" or "limbic system"), the part designed to elicit connection from others and to process emotion. If/when the outer or inner environs are not soothed through connection and/or emotional processing, then the brain will shift again, further down into the instinctual part (the "lower brain"), the area in charge of our fight, flight, or freeze responses, simply to keep us alive and sane.

Those "bad days" that we all hate? The lower brain runs the show on those days. 

It's a design based on survival. In the face of danger, our brains don't want us analyzing danger, empathizing with an attacker, brainstorming fantastic ideas, or any other "executive function". It wants us to forget everything else and FIGHT! or RUUUUN! And for that we're grateful.
But here's the rub -- our brains don't distinguish between the stress that comes when confronting an angry mama bear in the woods, and the stress that comes when we realize we forgot to pay the phone bill (again). So, many times throughout the day, no matter who we are, our brains take over and send us into a fight, flight, or fright state of mind. 

And when kids are involved,
there are a lot of brains flipping out.

When a kid brain gets triggered by a missing lego, a "pokey thing" in their shoe, or a sibling reaching for the same toy, their processing begins shifting toward the lower brain and survival instincts start to kick in. Their fight, flight, or freeze response can look like wild thrashing, screaming, throwing themselves on the floor, running away, and mayhem in general, and/or clamming up, and going stone silent.
As a parent, we can be left thinking: "What the heck just happened???" It comes out of nowhere and seems to make no sense.
But brains make no distinction between a missing lego and a rabid dog. Intense emotion is intense emotion and that executive brain - with all it's logic, compassion, creativity, and problem solving goes DARK.

Bummer

Furthermore, kid brains aren't fully developed yet. So when those new little brains flip the switch and shut the lights off upstairs, they can't turn things around on their own. Kids need emotional support before full function becomes available again.

Easier said than done, right?

It's no simple task to keep our cool and offer love and support during meltdowns. Why? Because we have brains too! Our brains don't like screaming and thrashing! And when our kids are upset, our brains naturally mirror that upset. One look at the melting-down toddler and we can feel our own executive function running for the hills. In the blink of an eye, we find ourselves operating from a place of distress or survival as well - yelling, yanking, and going totally primal. Asking our brains to respond with calm and patience when, as far as the brain is concerned, we are in a life or death scenario, is asking too much.

That's why we fail. That's why it feels so hard. We are trying to do complex neural maneuvers with a panicked, reactive, and unthinking hunk of brain. It isn't personal, it isn't a character flaw -- you can't muscle your way through -- it's just neurochemistry.

What to do??

We'll help you with that part.

For the adult brain: It's a matter of sending the right cues when needed, maintaining a sense of where we are emotionally, and then practicing what we've learned so much that the quick shift back to our best selves becomes hard-wired, more our regular state of being than not. 

For the kid brain: It's a matter of emotional maintenance, sending the cues that soothe the brain - allowing it to come back online -- and then repeating the process so often that as they develop, those young brains will hard-wire resiliency, and self-soothing, and be able to bounce back quickly no matter what comes their way.

Ready to get started?

 

FREE

1 hr Discovery Session

talkingdoesntworkmeme.jpg
 
 
 
                                                      FREE                          7 Steps to an Emotionally Safe   Household                                                                                                                    G      ET YOURS!

                                                    FREE

                     7 Steps to an Emotionally Safe Household                                                         

                                               GET YOURS!

                                                      $ 500                                                     WADE IN                                                 3 call bundle                                                           View      

                                                    $ 500

                                                 WADE IN

                                             3 call bundle

                                                     View
 

 
                                                       $15                        Parenting on the Same Team Homecourse                                                          View

                                                     $15

                    Parenting on the Same Team Homecourse

                                                    View

                                                     $1850                                                  DEEP DIVE                                                12 call bundle                                                        View

                                                   $1850

                                              DEEP DIVE

                                            12 call bundle

                                                   View

 
                                              IMMERSION                      8 month comprehensive premium package    EMOTIONAL EDUCATION,    NEURAL RE-WIRING,    CORE WOUND HEALING                                                        $5,000                                                          View

                                            IMMERSION

                  8 month comprehensive premium package

EMOTIONAL EDUCATION,

NEURAL RE-WIRING,

CORE WOUND HEALING

                                                    $5,000

                                                     View

 

1 hr Discovery Session

Free

Spend an hour telling us where you'd like to be in your life - what that looks like, what it tastes like, what it feels like, and also what your life is like now - the good, the bad, the ugly. We'll discuss how to get from point A to point B without becoming something you're not, or something you loathe. We see who you are - your best shining self - and we know that's your way forward!

 


Parenting on the Same Team

HOMECOURSE

This is a PDF of the course the Center runs to help parents and their efforts to parent with empathy. 

$15

Course topics include:
• Leadership
• Praise
• Punishment
• Battlefield Moments and Tactics
• Empathy
• Acceptance
• Grief and Guilt
• Fun

This guide is perfect for getting a start on parenting young children or as a complete overhaul if your own current parenting strategies seem to be lacking. The course covers seven weeks with specific topics, challenges, and personal stories and examples.

This course is complimentary with natural parenting, positive parenting, non-violent communication, and the ideas presented by Alfie Kohn and Dr. Laura Markham.


WADE IN

3 call bundle

$500

This one-month starter package is designed to identify the gap between where you are now, and where you'd like to be, and get you started in bridging that divide. Three tender phone calls move your thinking, your perspective, and your actions in the direction of your ideal life. You want a good-feeling family, meaningful connection with loved ones, and emotional stability? We'll get you there.

 


Woman-in-the-sun.jpg

DEEP DIVE

12 call bundle

$1850

This four-month coaching package is designed to not only identify the gap between where you are and where you'd rather be and get you headed down the right path, but to also offer expansiveness of time in the sacred coaching space to allow for deep learning around essential life-changing concepts, as well as the necessary support to hardwire and apply those concepts in the real world. You want to make a big shift, change something that has always felt impossible? This is a great package for you.

 


IMMERSION

8 month comprehensive premium package

EMOTIONAL EDUCATION, NEURAL RE-WIRING, CORE WOUND HEALING

$5,000

This is a comprehensive package designed to:

-  identify your goals, the distance that separates you from them, and the path to attain them

- teach you incredible, mind-boggling concepts that drastically change the course of one's life and all the relationships within it

- support you as you learn to apply these concepts - including refreshing the learning, dissecting and navigating newly unearthed layers, and troubleshooting tricky situations

 

Your life will be different.

You will feel optimistic and sure.

Excited and clear.

You will shake off old ways and find new ones.

You will feel supported and energized.


Click an image for ready-to-go parenting advice.

brought to you by our Instagram feed

TOOLS

Our library of social and emotional learning (SEL) tools are designed to aid children in the process of developing emotional vocabulary, awareness, and identification - not only creating the opportunity for a deeper sense of trust and belonging, but also building the foundation for advanced learning, life-long success and happiness, and the emergence of empathy. Feeleez tools form a bridge between the emotions and motivations of a child and her caretakers, enhancing the environment essential for healthy emotional development.

Feeleez makes SEL easy, accessible, and fun. 

Reach out to:

  • Schedule your free strategy session...
  • Chat about enrolling in the next Deluxe Relationship Refresh...
  • Ask us about our upcoming events...

(Your information is safe with us, all communication is held private.)

Name *
Name

And/or put yourself on our calendar!